Finish the sentence.
- Maybe I should wash the dishes (nah... I checked they're still cranky and growling at me! I'm in no mood to deal with their attitude-problems!!)
- People would say that I am strange (but then they meet me in person and... they start saying I'm REALLY strange!)
- I lost my sanity in the delivery room (I haven't found it yet. I believe the Ogre-Child hocked it for a sugar high!)
- Life is like sex. It might not always be the greatest, and every now and then it's totally going to suck. But when it's good... it's GREAT!!
- My past is littered with voodoo dolls, faces burnt out of pictures, and shallow gravesites. (just let me live my life and no one gets hurt!!)
- My idea of a good time is a comfortable bed & a good book. (On the rare evening we co-exist in the same realm of consciousness - remove book, insert Prince Charming.)
- Twins are my worst fear. (Sign me up for a padded room the minute they hear two heartbeats!)
- Dust bunnies fornicate in my house. (That's right, cover your eyes because everywhere you look you'll find stray dust bunnies humping the ashtrays and leaving strange cobweb danglies on my ceiling.)
- Tomorrow I’m going to be at work on time! (I swear! No really!! There's no excuse for it! I'll be there!!)
- I have low tolerance for drama! (Seriously, not only do I refuse to let drama in my life - unless I can laugh hysterically at the stupidity of it - I have no problem looking at you and telling you to take your drama to someone who has the time to give a shit!)
- I’m totally terrified of clowns (Go ahead and laugh you asscown! There's just something really freaky about a grown man dressed in ruffles with a big red nose and a rubber balloon!)
- I wonder why a package of fruit snacks must be placed in a small baggie, wrapped in invisible duct tape to seal it beyond all possible opening, then placed in a iron box that is laminated with teflon-coated plastic wrap? I realize this country has an obesity problem, but I do not feel that I should have to exert the kenetic energy of a torpedo in order to access a 90 calorie snack! In the future, please sell this product with a package of dynomite for opening.
- Never in my life have I understood organized religion. (While I fully support your right to worship whomever your heart desires, I do not understand the need to gather in masses to affirm your beliefs or the urge to critisize others for their different beliefs.)
- High school was a joke. The only thing I learned in high school was how to be a bitch because people are 'fake assholes'. Everything else I could have got just from reading a book!
- When I’m nervous my brain cells shut down. Seriously, I hate being in the spotlight. Even a simple job interview will have me stuttering and stammering like a babbling fool.
- One time at a family gathering my husband 'humped' my uncle on an old crusty mattress on the side of a river bank. (Try and get that visual image out of your head!)
- Take my advice: Don't watch Fear Factor during dinner time! (Who's bright idea was that time slot?)
- Taking a good picture depends on the element of surprise.
- I’m almost always in some state of semi-naked. (Please call before stopping by unexpectedly. Do not assume that because Prince Charming is grilling outside that I am fully clothed inside. Also, do not assume that Prince Charming will think fast enough to warn you of this matter before you enter the castle.)
- I’m addicted to blogging. (Big shocker there!)
- I want someone to organize my files. (Both at home and at work. Tornado doesn't even begin to describe it!)
That being said, I have a screaming Ogre-Child to attend to because the world ha come to a screeching hault. She has lost her binkie, is clinging like a mad man to two dollies and a stuffed monkey, and I have reason to believe she ate my car keys (which could put a huge damper on those plans to be to work on time!)
From the twisted sound of her whining and whimpering, I'd wager that it is time for little Ogre-Children to take a nap. But don't be surprised if you find me here later telling you about my favorite bloggers and Chocolate Covered Telecommunication Devices!