Saturday, January 31, 2009

Inspire Your Heart with Art Day (January 31st)

For those of you who don't know, I'm a pretty decent artist. So in honor of today, I'm going to share a couple of my better works with you.

First, my replication of Timothy Sorsdahl's Harmony VII. He's one of my favorite abstract artists. This isn't my best work because it's done with low-quality markers on poster board. If I were to do it again, I'd want to try oil pastels because it lost a lot of the vibrant colors, but I love it anyway. Prince Charming built me a frame for it and it hangs in my hallway.

Replica of Tuscan Red

The second is a portrait of my father from an old family photo done in pencil. The Queen has the original hanging in her house... she didn't ask... she just stole it!

Pencil drawing of my dad

My current work in progress is recreating a Leonid Afremov park scene "The Loneliness of Autumn" in marker and oil pastel, but it's proving to be more of a challenge than I expected.

Feel free to share your inspiring art, or art that inspires you!

P.S. Ignor the "Read More" . . . there is no more . . . it's a glitch I can't get rid of . . . damn gremlins! Read more ...

Friday, January 30, 2009

Have I told you all you are AWESOME?

Show of hands... who has facebook?
Okay... now... who is totally addicted to "FLAIR"?
I knew you were!!
So now that I have my new program, I'm learning all kinds of new tricks... like how to make BLOGGER FLAIR!!
So take it... you know you want to!!
If you don't use "shrink image" this button will float on your page like a real button.
Using the "shrink" will cause it to have a white background square.
(please link it to me)
Oh, and it's a little late... but per your requests, here's an AWARD FLAIR for anyone who participated in National Compliment Day!! CONGRATS!!


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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

How much will we sacrifice?

With America in a financial crisis, I understand that many state and local governments are finding themselves having to make cuts. My question to you, America, is why are teachers viewed as so easily disposable?

The State of Kansas recently announced major budget cuts to the Department of Education. As of the 2006-2007 reports, Kansas was already ranked 37th in average teacher's salaries. They are followed by Iowa in 38th, Nebraska in 43rd, Missouri 46th, North Dakota 48th and South Dakota dead last!

The average beginning salary for a teacher in Kansas at the time of this survey was $30,408. To give you some perspective, the Kansas Medical Assistance Program provides health insurance to children of parents whose income does not excede twice the poverty level.
  • For a single parent of one child, that amount is $28,008! (only $2,000 away from assistance)
  • For a two parent household with one child (or a single parent of two), the limit is $35,208!
  • The median income in Kansas is $40,624!!
  • The average teacher's salary in California is $63,640!

And yet in a time of crisis we feel it is acceptable to cut our spending on education while still mandating that those in the field uphold a higher standard and provide an adequate learning environment for OUR CHILDREN!!

I have been working full-time is Special Education for seven years now. I am non-certified so I expect to be paid marginally less than the teachers who take the brunt of the rules. I would personally describe my role as an educator as an important asset. Our classroom teaches what many might consider "unteachable" students. We adapt lessons, provide extra assistance, and struggle to find ways for even the most "challenged" students to succeed. For the students who recieve this assistance, it is an irreplacable part of their education.

I work 10 months out of the year with partial benefits. I do not recieve pay for holidays, vacations, snow days, or during the summer. I have difficulty obtaining respectable summer employment because I am committed to returning to work in the fall. And I do enjoy my job. I love my co-workers, the children, and the satisfaction of believing I've made a difference in the lives of future generations. I pour my heart into children who are viewed as social outcasts and in some cases, misfits or delinquents.

And what does it all boil down to? With seven years of experience, my 2008 W2 reads $10,500 minus $1,300 to taxes! That's right, for a WHOPPING $9,200 I leave my beautiful family to deal with children who whine, complain, procrastinate, and otherwise avoid all parts of education. I do so with a smile and after seven years I still love it.

But that doesn't change the fact that it's really not worth the money. I wouldn't be surprised in the least to learn that a high school student was making more than I am. I obviously don't work in education for the money!

Is it any wonder that we have put laws into effect that prevent teachers from going on strike?

We, as a country, seem to be certain that there will ALWAYS be people who are willing to teach! But I ask you, "How sure are you?" Are you certain enough to risk YOUR child's future? There may be laws in place to prevent a strike, but there are none to prevent teachers from finding new occupations. And while thre are incentive programs to encourage people to seek degrees in education, there are none that encourage them to remain in the field long term. We have already reached the point where we are actually IMPORTING educators in order to find people willing to work for the pay this country offers. Our small rural district has been forced to recruit graduates from over-seas because they are willing to work for the smaller salary.

So tell me, America. How much are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of a dollar?

And for those in this country who might be fortunate enough to know they can BUY the finest education . . . keep in mind, that will not prevent YOUR TAX DOLLARS from supporting all the children who did NOT recieve an adequate education because America did not view it as vital to funding!

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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Tuesday Tantrums

Is it Tuesday yet?
Damn good thing because I've been holding my tantrums in too long!!


I can't really get into the details... but trust me... I'm entitled to a tantrum. To keep it simple, I'm a creature of habit. When people start messing with my habits and rituals (especially when I have no choice) I start getting cranky. I'm trying to hang in there and take it with a grain of salt, but the more I have things messed with, the less I find the situation an enjoyable one. I feel a bit overwhelmed when I have things thrust on me that I wasn't planning on. But this too will pass... oh, wait... this is supposed to be a tantrum!!

I HATE IT (but I'll live)
I HATE THE WORD "SNARKY" (but I used it anyway)
I HATE THE FEELING THAT I'M STUCK IN A RUT (but it's my own damn fault for not doing anything about it)

And while I'm at it...

Not you... that idiot who has spent three months (or more) holding a grudge. C'mon... get over it already!


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Monday, January 26, 2009

J... is a bad influence on me

J... should know better than to give me ammunition like this.
WARNING... this post will be rude, vulgar, and otherwise unpleasant... all complaints should be sent to J... since it's all her fault!!
I've been a really good girl but but the week is finally over. So now that I'm free to sling the shit around and call people the names they deserve to be called, I'm letting loose with my new ammunition! And it is some good shit!
Let the name calling commence...
  • I have a younger (ex)cousin who I'd like to refer to from here on out as a sissy-chinned nipple wiper! After a long conversation about how she told my mother to "burn in hell", it is clear to me that she went straight from her mother's tit to granny's! I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, and write her off as a confused young teenager. However, when the shit hit the fan and she informed me that I was a bad mother, she permanently earned her name.
  • Then there's the worthless yeast-limbed sausage gargler who thought it'd be funny to refer to my father as a "half-dead significant other". It takes a real snot-mouthed horse poacher to create a blog for the soul purpose of bashing my mother.
  • It's been a while, but bashing the ex-hubs and MIL-from-hell never gets old. All I can really say about them these days is that the tard-breasted turtle jockey should have drown the whiskey-spotted bacon goblin when he was born.
  • A good bashing wouldn't be complete if we didn't throw something in for the DNA provider. That pickle-lipped willy junkie ought to have his dick stapled to a cactus in the middle of Death Valley.
  • I'm sure there's some dirty-specked dung knockers that deserve to be mentioned for their inept behavior and general lack of intellegence.
  • And because I can't hold back anymore, there's the pudding-witted hosecake that pulled a hypocritical whinefest a while back.
  • Futhermore, my family tree happens to suggest that there's a needle-cunted mule guzzler lurking around stirring up some trouble.

So for all you wart-fingered dick jugglers this probably isn't the blog for you because I have no problem telling things exactly how it is. I have no skeletons in my closet and will gladly answer any question with complete honesty. I tell it how it is and I really don't care if you refuse to believe my point of view. You can go on being a twinkie-stained twat burgler for as long as you see fit.

As for the rest of you who faithfully stick around through all this vulgar nonsense. Thanks for letting me get caught up on the name calling. I was starting to have withdrawls.


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Sunday, January 25, 2009

National Cowboy Poetry Gathering Day (January 25th)

Leave it to those drunken old cow pokes to decide January is a good time to cattle around a chuck wagon. I don't even want to get out from under my covers and those old farts are gathering around telling stories and playing guitars.

Despite the clear lack of sanity they possess, here's my tribute in the name of the old west.


When the winter snows come

The work has begun

Hay bales to feed

Newborn calves to plead

Breaking of ice

Fences to splice

Coyotes to shoot

Cold snow in my boot

Bills that need paid

Too tired to get laid

What I wouldn't give

If in winter I lived

Somewhere warm by the sea

Just my old dog and me

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Saturday, January 24, 2009

National Compliment Day (January 24th)

When was the last time I challenged you? It's been a while. So here goes nothing.
Today is National Compliment Day. I challenge you to do two things.
  1. Pay as many compliments as you can today. Whether you tell someone their outfit looks nice or you let your cashier know she was very sweet. Push yourself to acknowledge the everyday people in your life. A kind words truly does go a long way. While you will probably never know if you affected anyone today, I assure you that your words will brighten at least one person's day if you only put forth the effort.
  2. Pick five bloggers that you think deserve an extra special compliment. You can of course choose more if you like, but for those who have a giant blog roll it might not be practical to give everyone their own individual compliment. It's just a matter of sharing the love around blog land. You know we all need that pick-me-up from time to time.

So here goes my compliments along with a reason THEY made the top 5 and YOU might not of. It's not that I don't like YOU just as much... it's just that... well... frankly these guys scare me most!

  1. FIRST we have the Queen! Why is she first? Because she knows my home address! And frankly, I am unable to relocate my entire family in the six hours it takes her to fly here on her magic carpet! Plus, that 50-year-old batalax can probably kick my skinny little butt! SO... time for the compliment!!! No surprise here... YOU ARE THE BEST MOM IN THE WORLD! YOU ARE A STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON AND THOUGH YOU CAN BE A LITTLE OFF KILTER FROM TIME TO TIME, THOSE WHO LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE RATHER THAN SOME FAKE IMAGE OF WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO SEE. I LOVE YOU! Okay... wipe the damn tears from your eyes because we all know that was some sweet and sappy shit. But it was true. So now on to #2.
  2. SECOND we have the wonderous, fabulous, amazing Aunt Chris!! Now, I must confess that she's not really my Aunt, but please don't go spreading that around... you'll give her a complex! Because even if she is just some random blogger my mother met on the blognet... she's a pretty decent lil' sis to Mom. I mean seriously, you know you've got a good friend when you can talk to each other on the phone long after you've taken a break from Blog World! So Chris definately needs a big compliment... YOU ARE AN AMAZING FRIEND AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE A GREAT GRANDMOTHER... WAIT... NOT A GREAT-GRANDMOTHER BECAUSE THAT WOULD MAKE YOU WAY TOO OLD... BUT YOU WILL AT LEAST BE AN AWESOME GRANDMA!! YOU HAVE SO MUCH LOVE AND HUMOR IN YOUR HEART THERE IS NO WAY YOU COULD BE ANYTHING BUT AWESOME AS A GRANDMA.
  3. Okay, now that we got the two big WHINERS out of the way... *don't hit me, I'm fragile!!* ...we can move on to those who are less likely to hunt me down and beat me in the Wal-Mart parking lot! #3 is going to CELTIC BUFFY... why her? Well, I figure she deserves something for sticking around through the BIG MOVE and still being around after my various dry spells. And for that, she deserves a huge compliment! THIS WOMAN IS AMAZING! I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE BALANCING A FULL TIME JOB, THE OGRE CHILD, AND A BLOG. THIS WOMAN IS WORKING OUT HER DEBT, RAISING HER KIDS, AND GOING TO NURSING SCHOOL. ALL WHILE MANAGINNG TO KEEP HER OWN BLOG UP AND RUNNING. SHE'S ALWAYS GOOD TO LEAVE A COMMENT FROM TIME TO TIME JUST TO REMIND YOU YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN BLOGLAND. AMAZING!! I'M GLAD WE STUMBLED INTO THE SAME BLOG-O-SPHERE!
  4. Okay, just so you know, it's starting to get hard to pick. So here goes nothing!! TT and Sunshine are both friends with me on Facebook. So we'll give them compliment #4. TT really needs to know that for a woman of (I'm not revealing her age)... THAT IS ONE GOOD LOOKING WOMAN! SERIOUSLY... I WANT TO BE HER WHEN I GROW UP!! and Sunshine... SHE CRACKS ME UP! MAYBE NOT EVERY DAY, BUT WHEN I'M LEAST EXPECTING IT, SHE MAKES ME SPIT COFFEE! Please stick around ladies because you are amazing assets to Blog World!! *HUGS*

That's right... breathe in all the ego boostin compliments. You all know full well that when No Name Calling Week is done and over with you're going to need these compliments just to survive being around me. I'll be so far under with withdrawls that I'll start calling my friends names just for the fun of it.

So, to those on the list... and those who are not scary enough to make the list... I want you to know I appreciate and enjoy the company of all of you! Please keep up the great bloggin and don't forget to compliment those great friends that you've made here in BlogLand!!

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Thursday, January 22, 2009

No Name Calling Week (January 21st - 25th)

Well that's just not right!!

Some people really deserve a name or two!

You know... the rat bastard cousin who thinks that since she is an all knowing sophomore in high school she can tell you that you morals are squewed and you are a horrible parent.

Or the stubborn jackass of a grandfather who thought it would be okay to blow my family off and I'd just smile and play nice about it.

Or the craptastic piece of shit Uncle who thought it was perfectly acceptable to drive around on my father's plates and insurance while my Dad thought his vehicle was being repaired by another Uncle.

What about the worthless idiot who cannot park in a parking lot unless there are large neon markers indicating exactly how far from another vehicle you need to park in order to permit space for a vehicle between you.

And there's always the brain dead ignorant bobbleheads at the cable company who think after two months of my cable popping in and out, a dozen service calls in that time, and two no shows on their part, that I'm going to be okay with them raising my monthly rates $5 a month!

As I was saying... some people really do deserve a little name calling. It's the only thing that makes them closely resemble humans.

But in honor of No Name Calling Week... I'll try to refrain from calling anyone names... I personally think I'm off to a good start!

Hey... You! I don't want to call you a name so I'll just offer you a friendly suggestion. Try taking the dick out of your ear for two seconds and maybe you'll be able to hear me when I say, "Pass me the salt please!"

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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

National Hugging Day (January 21st)

I couldn't resist such a wonderful day!

Here's a big hug to all of my friends in blogland! Feel free to pass it on!

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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inauguration Day and Hairtastrophies

What an amazing day for our nation. And yet I find myself torn with uncertainty. Uncertain whether he will be able to live up to the high standards we have set for him. Uncertain whether he, or anyone for that matter, will be able to undue the damages to our economy. And yet hopeful, for what else do we have to hold on to in America, if not HOPE for a BETTER TOMORROW!

and now for


I can still remember the first time I dyed my hair. I was a sophomore in High School. My hair was so long and thick that it took two whole bottles to cover it. The top layers were sun-bleached to a nearly bleach blonde while the bottom layers were nearly jet black. How was I supposed to know that ten years later kids would be dying their hair exactly like that?

So let's see, the summer of '97 I chopped off my waist length hair that I'd had for as long as I could remember. I spent the next five years chopping more and more off trying to find a length that my thick tresses would stop fluffing out into mock-white-afroism!

I found my favorite length in 1999 (admittedly, I still love my hair cut that way) My best friend took a pair of hair clippers and buzzed everything off except for my bangs. And while there were the few durogitory remarks (Probably the only time someone called me the four-letter D-word), the general consensus was that I pulled that look off amazingly! I kept that look off and on for several years and was always happy with it.

In 2000, a friend came over with her clippers because my buzz was starting to resemble a chia pet. Unfortunately, she used a guard way too short and my head came out appearing as if it had a five-o-clock shadow. She was horrified and tearful, but I didn't really mind, it grows back. However, the forty-something-mid-life-crisis-suffering fathers of my friends thought this would be the perfect opportunity to shave my head. ('Cause doesn't every man dream of taking a bic razor to a girl's hair). Needless to say I came out looking like a neo-nazi wannabe. To top it all off I had surgery a few weeks later. Standing outside a hospital in a flimsy gown with a cigarette in hand and a shaved head only convinced on-lookers that I was a tragic cancer patient. Thankfully, my bodyguards did well to prevent all flash photograph during this period in my life, so I'm safe to persue my life of fame and fortune without unwanted embarassing tabloid photos.

Oh... we haven't even got into the coloring-fetish I had. Name a color... yep... did that!

At various parts in my life my hair has been burgandy, auburn, fire-engine red, orange, blonde, black, blue-black, purplish, pink and even green.

I was nineteen (pre-buzzcut) and it was the Friday before my boyfriend's homecoming dance. I'd spent a year slowly dying my hair darker and darker. From bleach blonde (not natural), to auburn, dark auburn to burgandy, and finally a black-blue that turned out purplish because of all the red tint in my hair.

So I walked into the local salon and asked my stylist to make it blonde. Her jaw dropped (she hadn't seen me in months and the black really didn't look good on my ivory skin). She said she would do it as long as I promised to never go black again (that sounds so WRONG!).
Anyway, six hours later (with bf waiting patiently) I'd gone through the strongest peroxide she had and still had black hair. She finally tried an herbal bleach that looked like mud.
I must say it's the only time I've ever screamed at my hair. When we went to rinse it off, it still looked dark from the cake of "mud" but when I came up out of the sink my hair was a rainbow.

The tips that had been dyed a million times were a deep burgandy. The roots where bleach blond. And in the middle was every variation of orange with the most prominant being something that can only be defined as HUNTER ORANGE.

I screamed... then laughed... and finally demanded that she leave it that way because if anything it was UNIQUE! Appauled, she swore she'd light me on fire if I told anyone where I had my hair done and made me wear a hat when I left the salon!

There was the hot pink hairspray that was a staple of my night life for some time (only because at that time you couldn't find hot pink hair dye in podunk nowhere... and I did have a job that required somewhat of a decent reputation). I was home alone with the roommate and since it was just us girls I didn't think anything of it when I went to the bathroom. Unfortunately, her husband came home and finding the door unlocked, he walked in. We both may have screamed. Afterwards, the poor man confessed he had seen nothing except hot pink and white - hot pink outfit, hot pink hair, and ivory white skin!

And the one hair color I highly recommend NOT trying, is green. I really don't mind if you actually DYE your hair green, but you really should not do what I did. It was Saint Patrick's Day and the bar had handed out these glow in the dark green badges at the door. At the all night coffee shop I got this bright idea. "Wouldn't my hair be awesome in glow-in-the-dark green?" So we cut open the badges and lathered the gooey green goop into my hair. Ever smell the stuff that's inside those things? Try to imagine the "high" you get from hair-dye fumes if you locked yourself in a closet-sized bathroom for the whole procedure. Better yet, imagine you placed a plastic bag over your head to trap and inhale all those toxic fumes. Now imagine that "high" inducing aroma following you around for the next three hours while you walk around looking like a victim of radioactive fallout! Not to mention that six shampoos later, your roommates will still say they can smell it.

So yes, if there is a way to brutally disfigure your hair, I have done it. I have dyed my hair with Kool-Aid and boiling water. I have dyed my hair in a Shopko bathroom, driven around with a shower cap on and rinsed it out in a gas station water hose. I have gone shopping with hair-dye in, only to realize too much time has passed and we had to beg a salon to let us used there sink before I fried my head. I have knocked on the door of a distant family acquaintance to ask if I could use their bathroom to rinse out my hair.

I confess that these endeavors were all the product of my defiance to society. I reject the idea that a woman has to spend four hours in front of a mirror to make herself presentable enough for the public. I reject the idea that my hair has any impact on defining who I am. My hair was, for some time, my personally middle finger to social norms.

So in my "old age" what do I consider a nice hairstyle? Take one look at Grace Kelly (yes, I dare to dream!) Maybe I'm getting old or maybe it's just the nostalgia of that classic beauty... or maybe it's because the celebrity look alike matches me at 76% with her. She was gorgeous. But alas, the hair must grow for something as classy as that. In the mean time, I'm all about the posh/punk look, though I rarely have the ambition to do any more than run a brush through it. And if I had about 20 times the patience and enough goop to smooth out these heavy locks... I'd so be about the Nicole Kidman (Golden Compass) look! HOTSY!!

My hair advice to every woman...

Be kind to your hair (if it suits you) but remember it is just hair. I firmly believe that if you want a way to express yourself, remodel yourself, or otherwise make a statement about who you are, there is no harm in doing it through your hair. A new style can make you feel more confident and satisfied with you because the possibilities are endless. It's better to try a new cut or color than to join a cult or start sacraficing sheep in the back yard! Life is about enjoying and if your hair is not contributing to that... shave it off!! (no... please don't do that... but you could buzz it off if you want!)

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Monday, January 19, 2009

Martin Luther King Jr.

DISCLAIMER: I seem to have found a pet peeve I was unaware of. So I'm warning you in advance that this is a genuine post and lacks my normal humorous touch.

I was honestly going to write this nice blog about Martin Luther King Jr. and the Civil Rights movement. Or at least, I imagined I was going to do that when I started my research. I went searching for African American civil rights leaders, thinking I'd find a list of people who were equally influential in the movement but not honored as strongly as King.

Unfortunately, I stumbled upon a site listing African American holidays. And as I read down through the list of celebrations, I discovered a holiday listed on May 20th.

May 20th is BLACKOUT DAY - A day when black people are to spend no money to prove to the country that they are not a minority and they do have an impact.

I am the descendant of German, English, Irish, Swedish ancestors. I am a child of Mormon, Methodist, Lutheran, Pagan, Agnostic raising. I do not believe that I am racist or otherwise prejudice based on race, creed, religion, etc. (Though I will admit to occasional sexism when Prince Charming is being particularly stupid!)

This holiday irks me. But my irritation is not directed to African Americans, simply to people of this mentality. And here is why.

  • If a group of people encourage us not to spend money with groups who are known to associate with certain foreign sects, they will call it patriotism - defending a nation against terrorism.
  • If the government places tarrifs on trade to prevent our money from funding known drug peddling countries, they will call it civil duty - fighting the war on drugs.
  • If a group of African Americans rallies to spend no money on goods and services for a day, they will call it a political statement - proving they make an impact.
  • But if I gathered together a group of white, European-Americans and asked them not to spend money on goods and services to prove that we make a difference, I would be viewed as a backwoods, hillbilly, racist!
You tell me where the prejudice lies.

White European-Americans cannot establish exclusive colleges or universities. We do not get special scholarships for our racial heritage. We are excluded from grants, groups, and programs because we are NOT considered a minority.

The only exception to this rule is women. The women's suffrage movement granted women rights in 1920. Women in the United States were granted their rights after African Americans, slaves, and animals. At one point it was illegal to beat your horse, but perfectly acceptable to beat your wife! And even though the United State would like to claim themselves a front-runner in this endeavor, the truth is that twenty-one countries had already given women their rights by 1920. That lists includes England, Russia, Poland, Norway, Netherlands, Austria, Ireland, Iceland, Hungary, Germany, Finland, Denmark, Belgium and Australia, as well as some lesser known countries like Ukraine, Luxembourg, Kyrgystan, Latvia, Georgia, Estonia, and Belarus.

Every school age child knows who Martin Luther King Jr. is and most have heard of Malcom X. How many know who Susan B. Anthony was? Let alone, Alice Stone Blackwell or Harriet Stanton Blatch? What about Sojourner Truth? On what day does the entire nation celebrate the moment when all PEOPLE were created equal in this country? On what day do they acknowledge that their women were treated as lesser human beings for centuries?

Don't get me wrong here. I am a firm believe that the United States is one of the best countries for a woman to be born in to. I believe that our country has a good heart and is built on strong values. And I by no means, believe that women should be handed any free rides in this life, based solely upon their gender. However, I also do not believe that any other race or creed deserves special treatment based on travesties committed generations ago.

When Martin Luther King led his people to stand for their rights, I do not imagine he planned for what we have today - people still using the repression of their ancestors to manipulate a system for personal gain.

My female ancestors have been maids, servants, and baby factories for their husbands. They have died at the hands of Civil War soldiers and suffered attacks from Native Americans as they crossed the Great Plains. My female ancestors migrated to this country on overcrowded ships. Some traveled 1300 miles across an uncharted prairie with children on their hips. They have died in childbirth, been widowed with ten mouths to feed, and fought through the hardships for the sake of their families. All long before this country honored them with the right to be people!

So on this day, as a nation celebrates a great leader who did great things for his people. I cannot help but wonder how many more generations of white European-Americans will have to be made to feel guilty for the crimes against African Americans. And if it is to be a celebration to honor those who paid the price, when will others who have suffered to gain their rights be granted such an honor?

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Sunday, January 18, 2009

A huge thank you to Kelly Dawn for explaining how to do the signatures. I was originally using the kiss on all my posts when I started this blog, but I got tired of copying the code to each post. This is much easier!!

Thanks again!!

P.S. I grabbed my original kiss from and added it to my signature using Kelly's instructions.

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Have I told you all I'm busy?

Yeah yeah... I know... chastize me all you want. You know I still love you!

So why am I not here? Why am I not writing? Or for that matter reading?

I blame facebook... but that's probably just a minor part of it.

Have I told you all I live in a two bedroom apartment about the size of telemarketer's phone cubicle? Oh yeah... and I have a spoiled rotten ogre child who has every toy that was ever dreamed up. We have a rolly horse, a hippo car, a sit-n-spin, a motion sensored crawling cave, mega blocks, grocery carts, and enough stuffed animals to fill the janitors closet to the hilt!

We have diaper bags, diaper boxes, play pens, a disassembled crib, two coffee tables large enough to park a compact car on and two bookshelves large enough to hold six months of clutter with space to spare!

We have enough pens to supply a public school for a year and boxes of scrapbooking supplies, magazines, and family tree research.

We have an old desktop, fifty kitchen appliances (but none that actually wash the dishes or clean up after themselves) and two televisions.

We have enough canned goods to live off vegetables and raviolli for a year (as long as the electric can opener doesn't die.

We have tools and nicknacks, and a horror fiction library that puts our local selection to shame.

Throw in two adults, one ogre child, a king-sized bed and a wardrobe fit for a princess (complete with an impressive collection of shoes, purses, hats, gloves, and jackets).

Now tell me? Where in the hell does the Christmas tree go? I know I stored it through last year. I know I got it down in November to decorate. So why in the name of all that is sane, is there no where to put it now?

That's right... I know I promised Farmer*s wife I'd be back in the mix after my birthday... unfortunately it has taken a week to find a place to put that damn tree!!

Last night, I'd finally had it! I started tossing things out of the pantry until I got to the Christmas tree box. And as I packed it back up, I began consolodating all my decorations. I put the mini-tree and next years black and silver ornaments in the box with the Christmas tree (somewhere around here there's five strands of ribbon that goes with the set, but do you think I can find them for the life of me?) I then went through all the boxes of ornaments and repackaged them with specific labels. I couldn't believe how many decorations didn't make it out this year. I shouldn't be surprised though. Can you tell me why someone who owns a 6-foot tall, 3-foot diameter tree and doesn't decorate outdoors needs to have ELEVEN boxes of ornaments, garland, and tinsel? I looked to see if I could get rid of any of them... I can't! Theres the red ornament set from, the green ornament set, the family ornaments, the hand-painted heirloom nativity, the christmas village, the blue set from this year and the black set I bought on clearnace for next year!

Totally not the point. The point is, that in the process of tossing boxes from the corners of my pantry, I found some things.

I found five tons of magazines, including some tabloids that I keep around for a good laugh now and then.

I found a bankers box filled with empty photo albums.

I found a file full of beautiful sketches, cartoons, and drawing ideas.

I found another file which contained the first twenty pages of what might someday be a very interesting story. And the first twenty pages of another story that will need a lot of work if it's ever going anywhere.

I found a folder filled so full of poetry it's pockets are bursting. Along with that, I found a notebook that is also partially filled with poetry. Did I mention I have a photo album binder filled with typed poetry? You'd never guess I write a lot would you?

On top of that there were the fall ornaments that never made it out, the letters from friends, the letters from ex-family, and a box filled with various papers that need to be sorted and filed, nick nacks and childhood mementos.

So I keep telling myself... one box at a time! And maybe by the next millenium I'll have it all organized and stored properly. I've considered petitioning the landlord to let me build a second story, but I'm sure that would only prove in storing more clutter.

My great feat of accomplishment last night? I got all of the Christmas cleaned up (except those damn ribbons... oh... and the holiday towels that need to be washed before packing up). I also cleaned off my bulletin board and gave it a beautiful new look. I am quite impressed, even if Prince Charming only shrugged and said "uh huh". I'd love to take a picture for you, but it happens to be in the poorest lit part of my livingroom and I don't think it would do any good.

OMG!! - I'm bribing you with pictures of a bulletin board! I'm so pathetic!

Oh... yeah... I also corraled about a dozen large and 25 small stuffed animals into air tight storage bags under the Ogre Child's bed. That little task cut her visible collection by about 20%. I even had room to put three more storage bags of outgrown clothes under there!! WOOHOO!

Unfortunately, about 3am (I'm nocturnal on weekends... against my better judgement) I found that folder with the stories and was enthrawled. I dropped everything to type and revise that story until about 6:30 when I looked at the clock and said "SHIT!" I tidied up my disheaveled mess to the best of my ability, took my medications and crawled into my bed.

I set an alarm for 11:30 this morning but it once again failed to go off. Even so, I only overslept by thirty minutes so we'll be able to get to sleep at a decent time tonight.

Oh yeah... and the new changes at work are going to SUCK... but such is life! To all you mothers out there, if your child fails ART because they are too lazy to draw a sketch each week... in the very least turn them over your knee and spank their ass... preferably in the middle of the High School commons area during lunch hour!

-Princess Read more ...
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