(this is for Anonymous... she's not really, I know her)
Remember Little Red Riding Hood and Her Grandma Wolf? No dummy... the wolf didn't eat Grandma... haven't I taught you anything about Real Life Fairy Tales? Geeze!! The Wolf WAS Grandma!!
"My grandma, what big teeth you have!!"
She should have bitch slapped the child and taught her some manners! Maybe then she wouldn't be such a lippy little kid.
Anyway, Grandma Wolf is actually Red Riding Hood's mother. Are you confused yet? You should be. Just get it through your head that we've always called her Grandma because Red is a little tramp and we all knew it was just a matter of time before she was a grandma. Figured we'd give her a little time to get used to the name.
But that's besides the point.
Grandma Wolf is an absolute sweetheart (despite that whore child of hers). Last time we went to visit, she bought Ogre-Child an ice cream. I know what you're thinking. She just wanted to eat the child!! Damnit!! It's not like that at all! Though she may have been trying to hype the child up on sugar at the park so I had to deal with her when I got her home, but I'll forgive her.
The truth is that Granny is a sweet, loveable sort who's gotten a really bad wrap for the "Wolf" in her. She's got a sort of wild streak that makes her drool at the site of young hot men. On more than one occasion, she's been known to yank out these irresitable photos of hotties that make you lick your computer screen.
But underneath it all, she's just a gal who loves a little country music and is great fun to be around. Another must have at the next Princess Ball!! I tried to talk her into coming to the last one, but she gave me some excuse about the Hunter knocking on her door looking for some diamonds! I got the whole story out of Red by slipping her a couple of Vegas Bombs. Turns out that Granny's ass is so tight she can turn coal into diamonds. Maybe that's why she's so popular with the young studs.
I know, such talk from a Fairy Tale Princess, but hey, this is Real Life!! And why should she be ashamed of that? I mean, she's a Grandma. At her age, if she can manage to keep a tight ass she should be proud of that!!
Of course, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if maybe Granny's "wild wolf" behaviour wasn't what planted the bad seed in Red. But that's another story all together. Can't hold such things against her when it's her own daughter that's pimping her out to the boys now!!
I'm definately going to have to pull out the old Fairy Tale Directory and see if we can't hook Granny up with a young, steady, stud at the next get together. After raising that child of hers, that's the least she deserves!!