Friday, April 24, 2009

An Important Announcement

Dear Bloggie,

While we at the offices of Blog and Blog Some More are happy to provide you with endless amounts of entertainment and humor, it has come to our attention that desktop computers are not portable we will be forced to shut down this service temporarily.

Unfortunately, this is an unforseeable incident, as no one knew that people in my family still valued the sanctity of marriage that we would be unable to service this blog for a couple of days.

We hope that you as valued readers will continue to check in over the course of the next 48 hours and make your usual smart assed remarks contributions.

Service to this blog should be restored on Monday if our technicians sober up by then

Thank you for your valued time and have a wonderful weekend!!


P.S. In case that was too cryptic for you... My cousin, Horse Before the Cart (aka More Like a Sister to Me than Anyone Else) is getting married on Saturday to a wonderful man (and his daughter). P.C. and I will happily make the rest of the family uncomfortable by our presence be attending and wishing her all the best because she's the only one of us that turned out halfway decent WE LOVE HER!!

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

It's about time for another one?

What do you mean... another one?
oh... Oh... OH HELL NO!!
Have you people fallen off the sanity wagon and somehow slipped into complete madness?

Let me explain!
Wednesday - PAT says, "Awwww... she (the O.C.) is getting SOOO big!! It's about time for another one!" To which, P.C. boldy proclaimed (in a bluntness that made me want to crawl under our couch!) "Yep, as soon as we get a house bought I'm knocking her up!" Oh... yes... he said that!
Today - My boss, my co-worker, the teacher across the hall, and the nurse all said this exact same statement... "Awww... she's almost TWO! Time to have another one!!"
Plus... we all know where The Queen stands on this one... (she wanted another one about 1 year 364 days ago!)

What do I look like? You people's personal egg fridge? C'mon!!!

I can hear you... "Oh, you know you're just dying to have another one!"... SHUT UP!!

No... no... nononono... *throws self on floor in two-year-old tantrum fashion*

Yes... I love the O.C.
Yes... I want more
However... there is this HUGE and RESOUNDINGLY tear-filled child in me that says the following:

1. I hate having to eat all the time (it involves far too much time in a kitchen)
2. I hate growing enormously fatter by the millisecond
3. I hate wearing MuMus
4. I hate the exhaustion of carrying an extra 40-some pounds around daily
5. I hate not being able to shave my legs once a month
6. I hate not being able to see if my shoes match
7. I hate having strep throat for 5 months straight
8. I hate having my tonsils checked THE HARD WAY every month
9. I hate having everyone under the sun checking out my hoohaw during delivery (like I'm a prize heifer)
10. I hate "You're looking very pregnant!"
11. I hate puking at random intervals for no apparent reason
12. I hate swollen feet, aching backs, and heartburn.
13. I hate feet in my liver
14. I hate not sleeping on my stomach
15. I hate everything about the 6 weeks post-prego
16. I hate being puked on bi-hourly
17. I hate being pooped on
18. I hate poop
19. I hate absolutely every aspect from conception to about 4 months old!

That's right... I'm a miserable, bitchy, unholy Anti-Christ of a Pregnant COW!

That being said, the next person who offers me up as a baby factory will be handed an application to be a surrogate and nanny!

P.S. Unfortunately, since there is a limited number of broke crack-whores around here willing to give up their welfare checks children, I will probably be stuck carrying our next child. I will however stage a serious protest and may even stand on the front lawn with a sign that says, "HELL NO! WON'T PREGO!!"

And no... there's no date set YET! I'm still religiously sucking down little colored pills from the round disc... if I thought it'd be more effective, I'd take them two at a time!

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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

A Day at the Circus!

No! I did NOT visit my relatives! We really DID go to the circus!

So, the very first thing was the juggler! 15-years old and he was awesome! But I kept wondering how many broken lamps I'd have when P.C. tried to do some of those tricks in my livingroom!

Next, was the trapeze girl (age10)! Hanging upside down doing tricks from a hoop to the song... you'll never believe this... "Barbie girl!" My pedaphile alarm went on full alert as I search the stands for creepy guys sitting alone without children! GROSS!! Great act... but GROSS!! For those of you scratching your heads... google "Barbie Girl lyrics" and you'll totally understand why I puked!

I was a bit concerned about the clown issue because (if you don't already know) I'm terrified of them. But in all honesty, I think he was 12 and I've see Rodeo clowns with better acts.

The chick (16?) hanging from the ribbon was really awesome if you disregard the fact that she's weighed 12 pounds soaking wet and did a mid-air split that made my crotch scream in pain!

Swing jumpers... yawn!

Hula hoop chick... oh yes... that was a hoola hoop... on her foot... above her head!!

Fire eaters were awesome!

Floor acrobats? pssh... watch gymnastics!

Magician was cool!

Sponge Bob Square Pants running out to the theme song and then leaving... O... M... G... It's a CULT of little singing children!! SCARY!!

Chinese dragon/dog costumes (2 people in each) doing tricks on a platform and a giant ball? AWESOME!! Why? Because seeing four people climp on a ball and roll it over a teeter totter is cool enough, but seeing them do the trick while dressed in giant dog costumes... AWESOME!

All in all we had a great time... but one question seriously plagues me...
"Who inforces the child labor laws?"
SERIOUS!! I think there were 3 adults in the circus! They claimed it was "The Perez Family" but... um... lets just say that Mr. Perez did not "father" those sorority-clone blond haired, fair-skinned, girls!
And someone please tell me why the fiber-optic glow stick was $12 dollars (needless to say we settled for a $2 blow up dolphin)? And why P.C. paid $2 for a 12 ounce can of soda? P.C. (aka The Human Calculator) said he was counting up estimated profits off the products he could see being sold ($2 for a balloon!) and he stopped counting at $10,000.
Hope you all had a wonderful day!!

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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Have I done this one before?

"Mirror mirror on the door
Have I done this meme before?"

Well... the mirror might need to be taped back together is giving me the silent treatment. So if I have... it really doesn't matter because it'll be different today than any other time. You know me and my short attention span and my wide spectrum of interests!

So here goes the Meme (as seen today!)

1. Were you named after anyone?
Yeppers! I was named after the 11th letter in the alphabet! Don't believe me? Just ask the 10th letter... she suggested it. Much better name than what the 18th letter suggested!

2. When was the last time you cried?
Did you read the previous post? YESTERDAY! Okay, in my defense it wasn't really an outright CRY. It was more like a muffled scream LEAK! But yeah, there was a drip and I earned it!

3. Do you like your handwriting?
Why yes! I think this font is lovely!

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?
Salami. gag Okay... so it WAS my favorite before I O.D'ed on Salami sandwiches in the first 3 months I was pregnant with the O.C. Come to think of it... I don't really like lunch meat any more. Or Burger King (staple of my second trimester!) That might be the reason I packed on 48 several pounds while PG.

5. Do you have kids?
No! I have one toddling terrorist. But I'm convinced that Prince Charming must have cheated on me. If it weren't for the overwhelming evidence like the fact that my liver is now located to the left of my lung I might be able to believe she was someone else's kid


6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?
Instinctively I'd say "NO!" I'm not mean, spiteful, dramatic, or otherwise a bad friend. But I'm definitely WACKO! So, yeah... as soon as I'm done with this, I think I'll go reassess my friends because it just became evident to me that they are a bunch of WEIRDOS too!!

7. Do you use sarcasm?
I once tried not to say anything that was sarcastic. However, I learned I can't hold my breath for very long. After I regained consciousness, I decided there was nothing wrong with a healthy dose of sarcasm!

8. Do you still have your tonsils?
Well, I don't have a mirror handy but the Doctor's never told me I should fine a theft report so I have to assume they're still in there.

9. Would you bungee jump?
No. But I would greatly enjoy watching a few people try it with ropes that were about 10 feet too long!

10. What is your favorite cereal?
Honey-Nut Donut Seeds!!

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
That would be awkward! I'd look pretty silly trying to untie my flip flops, high heels, mules, clogs, crocs, and otherwise laceless shoes! Here's a better question... do shoes with laces feel superior to other shoes for the extra attention?

What happened to #12?
He was standing too close to #13! Very unlucky!

13. What is your favorite ice cream?
Ben & Jerry's Half Baked! brings back fond memories of burning the marijuana in the pastures Because who doesn't love pasting pint size cartons of ice cream, cookie dough and fudge brownie to the cheeks of their ass?

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Whether or not they are wearing clothes! Intelligence and Sense of Humor. I promise if you've ever spoke to me that I can tell in 60 second whether or not you have some type of intelligent thought process in your brain or whether you're a mindless clone of social expectations. I can also tell if you have any type of funny bone in your skeletal system. How do I know so quickly? If you're an ignorant amoeba, 60 seconds is plenty of time for me to say something that pisses you off. If you don't like my sense of humor, within 60 seconds you will either look at me like I've grown another head or you'll storm off mad!

15. Red or pink?
Have you talked to your doctor about this? It might be serious!

16. What is the least favorite thing about yourself?
My biological father.I'm pretty content with who I am. If I had to choose one thing, I'd say my boobs teeth.

17. Who do you miss the most?
Mom & Dad of course! 3 more days until we see them again!

18. Do you want everyone to complete this list?
Only if they're up to wasting some time and making me giggle!

19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?
For the next 15 minutes and 32 seconds I'll be wearing grey slacks and invisible shoes. After that I'm stripping naked I'm putting on my pajamas.

How many times do I have to tell these numbers to stay away from that #13. She's a bad seed!!

21. What are you listening to right now?
"Rocking Into the Night" by .38 Special with background accompaniment brought to you by Over the Hedge from the O.C.'s bedroom.

22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Take the whole box and microwave it!

23. Favorite smells?
Alfalfa and fresh rain. Is there such a smell as "unfresh rain"?

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
The Queen

25. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Well, since she commented on my post and she doesn't seem to fall into the categories of Ignorant or Humorless... I'd have to say yes!

26. Favorite sports to watch?
You know that channel with the Japanese host and the translated commentary where they try to get through the obstacle course? Yeah!! LOVE IT!

27. Hair color?
Reddish blond.

27b. Colors it HAS been?
Black, Blackish-purple, Blackish-blue, Glow-in-the-dark green (you should know the glow-in-the-dark gel inside toys and badges smells very bad and cannot be easily washed out of your hair!)every shade of Blond, Hunter Orange, every shade of Red/Burgundy, and Hot Pink!

27c. Places you have died your hair!
*While cruisin' the strip *While shopping *In a department store bathroom *a Gas Station *a Hair Salon (duh right? WRONG! Let me explain. I did NOT hire them to dye my hair. I walked into their salon with a dye job already in the process and asked to use their sink because I was overdue for a rinse!)

28. Eye color?
Genetically Dominant Blue (look it up, blue is a recessive gene yet I have 5 blue-eyed siblings from 5 different dark-eyed mothers!)

29. Do you wear contacts?
When I'm in the mood to stab my eyes out with rusty nails put them in. But generally no.

30. Favorite food?
1/2-gallon of my Mom's goulash. Anything less than 1/2-gallon and it's just not worth sparking my appetite!

31. Scary movies or happy endings?
Apples and Oranges!! GEEZE!! A happy movie should end happy! A scary movie should end scary! And I don't mean the "grabs the ankle from the grave" make-me-yawn suspenseful scary! I mean, "you think they got away from the bad guys until the motorcycle stops on a well- lit highway and you realize they drove into a thin wire at 50MPH!" Yep! I'm a sicko!

32. Last movie you watched?
Haunting in Connecticut... and in my opinion... not that scary!

33. What color shirt are you wearing?
Grey with a yellow tartan print on it. Another $4.99 special at SEARS!

34. Summer or winter?
SUMMER! How dare you use such a horribly "W-word" in my presence!! You are officially off my Fav-5!!

35. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs... and for a very good reason. You can still hug a two-year old who has just munched down on a handful of OREOS!

OMG!! They got the #36 too!!! The HUMANITY!!

37. Most likely to respond?
The Queen

38. Least likely to respond?
The Queen
(I'd say my odds are 50/50 on this one!)

39. What book are you reading now?
Ahhh... now you're going to make me get up because I don't know the title. Honestly, I've had it for a week and haven't started it yet! It's called Secret Vampire by L.J. Smith.

40. What is on your mouse pad?
The name of my cable company! It's the only service they've offered that never malfunctions!

41. What did you watch on t.v. last night?

42. Favorite sounds?
Silence... I think... It's been so long I don't really remember!

43. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Ummm... I'm gonna say... PURPLE!! Wrong genre, wrong generation!

44. What is the farthest you've been away from home?
Sandy beaches, somewhere in the Caribbean, with turquoise water and beautiful Cabana boys serving perfect cocktails. But then I woke up!!

45. Do you have a special talent?
Several... but currently, I'm more impressed with your attention span. If you're still reading you deserve an award!!

46 Where were you born?
I don't know because my space ship was destroyed in the crash! And The Queen couldn't afford didn't find a refrigerator box until I was 20.

47. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting back?
Whomever can make me laugh! Or is that "whoever"? Reason #327 why I can't teach English!

48. How did you meet your spouse/significant other?
Carpooling to work!

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Monday, April 20, 2009

Self Portrait #2 (An Afterthought)

I was so infatuated with the last picture I shared that I had to share more.
Pam D suggested I compile my self portraits and show them off.
So, I swooned skimmed through my masterpieces snapshots and threw together a collage of the magnificence that is me random shots. 25 to be exact! There's a couple neat ones in here to point out.

  • 4th row down in the middle was taken just hours before I found out I was PG with the OC!
  • The 5 red pictures (four corners and middle) were taken at 33 weeks prego when I was in desperate need of being convinced I hadn't magically transformed into a giant troll-like hippo overnight a wide load sign an epidural a tequila shot reassurance that Pregnant is still Beautiful!!
  • Middle row, 4th column is the inspiration for this sites header.
  • The oldest picture is bottom row, 2nd column. It's PRE-OC!

And just for good measure because I couldn't resist one more fabulous look at myself I thought I'd show off my new shirt. $4.99 at my favorite store (for those of you that don't know... that would be SEARS!) Unfortunately, since I'm utterly stunning in every way I ended up with a shot that showed off my boobs didn't show off my shirt. On the up side, it turned out to be a wonderful portrait. Glasses, no makeup, and worn all day hair!! DAMN I'M SEXY

And in case you needed more reason to famn over my fabulousness think this is a great picture...

This is after 3 hours sleep, 6 hours of pretending to work work, and an hour of having a neurologist electrocute and stab me (wish I could strike that part out)!!! Thus the new shirt... it's my reward for not screaming too loudly crying like a baby as I had needles poked in my muscles. I swear, the doctor literally said, "I like doing this test. I'd never let anyone do it to me, but I like doing it!" (NO JOKE!) At which point I called her a masochist and she laughed. It sounded strangely like "MUAHAHAHAHA!!"

I swear if the crazy Indian Anti-Christ woman had opened her caftan, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would have rode out in a plague of locusts! At least she had a sense of humor. How crappy would it be to get stabbed by an expressionless ass with no emotion?

So, while I spend the rest of my evening licking my wounds running around the house in nothing but my new shirt, I hope the rest of you had a better Monday than me.

NOTE: Good news is there is absolutely nothing wrong with me! Okay, well there are a lot of things WRONG with me... but nothing that can be diagnosed by MRI (I learned I'm not clausterphobic), EEG (Yes, there is actual brain function up there), EMG or blood work. Unfortunately, that still leaves me with what has now been labeled "benign twitching" all over my body. ANNOYING to say the very least!

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I ♥ Faces -- Week 15:Self Portrait

Call it simple narcissism... after all... I am a PRINCESS!!
But I have been waiting FOREVER for this week's contest!
Because I'm absolutely obsessed with myself
Because no one ever takes pictures of me and I don't own a tripod.
Which means...
I take it upon myself to boost my own ego.
I have to take all of my own pictures at arms reach.
Since I totally love making myself look awesome.
Since I like to change my profile pictures often, I have an entire folder full of "Self Portraits".
So when it came right down to it...
I was too busy staring at my own reflection to pick the best one.
I had a difficult time choosing since there are so many.
The rules won't let me plaster my beautiful self all over your computer screen
I finally decided this one is FABULOUS!

The only alterations to this were cropping off an edge because no one wants to see my bathtub, increasing the lighting to erase a few imperfections and adding some warmth so it at least appears I have some pigment to my transparent flesh

It happens to be one of my favorites!

Go show off share your "Self Portrait" this week! I know you all have cameras so get to it!!
P.S. Dear Queen... there's that picture of you in the front yard after you "fixed your haircut" and frankly, if you took it by hand... YOU SHOULD TOTALLY ENTER IT BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME!!

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Sunday, April 19, 2009

Flash is AWESOME!!

See that thing ^^^^^ (I hope it loads for you!)
It's my new toy! I actually made it as a new header, but it's way too much work right now to set the whole thing up... but seriously... play around with it... it's awesome. You can click the OC or Queen to go to their sites. I'm going to have a blast with this new toy. I had to shrink it for now b/c like I said... too much work to set it all up tonight.
So let me know if it works. Let me know if you like it or hate it. Check out their site and play around. You won't be able to make one this small unless you know a bit of html to shrink the height and width... but seriously... check it out and let me know what you think.
Nighty nite!

P.S. I soooo didn't go to bed like I should. I was too excited playing with the new toy. So go check out what I made... I plan to do more with this in the future! Let me know what you think!! It's early morning now... I'm going to bed.

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Saturday, April 18, 2009

For the Queen

Okay... since you deleted your follower widget I was worried b/c you can't get followers now.
So here's what you do...
  1. Take this Button and save to your computer.
  2. Add the followers back on
  3. Log out
  4. Go to your page (logged out)
  5. Click Follow (as if you wanted to follow yourself)
  6. Copy the link for the window that opens.
  7. Log back in.
  8. Add the button image as a picture. Link it to the "copied link".
  9. Save

That should work. If not, it was worth a shot!

Loves and g'nite!

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Monday, April 13, 2009

Happy After Easter!!

According to the package... The proper serving size of these is 12 pieces. Each bag contains about 9 servings. Each serving contains 180 calories.

By my calculations, I CAN eat an entire bag of these!! I will only be consuming 1620 calories (the daily recommendation is 2000 right?)

I will only be getting three times my recommended Saturated Fats, 36% of my sodium, 72% of my carbs. Plus... there's no risk in overdosing on healthy vitamins like Calcium or Iron!!

As a bonus, I'll be getting ZERO cholesterol, 36% of my dietary fiber and 36 grams of protein... which in my book indicates these are GOOD FOR YOU!!

So... thank you very much CHRIS!! I'll be going to work tomorrow with mini-eggs glued to my butt!! I hope you have nightmares about PEEPS!!

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Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter Tradition

Since the birth of my daughter, our family has been all about starting new traditions! I guess there is nothing wrong with the "old" family traditions (I'm sure we've all gotten drunk and passed out in an Easter ham before). It's just that decorating beer bottles with bunny ears and hunting for Uncle Auto's stash isn't really my idea of a kid-friendly Easter.

So yesterday the OC and I sat on the front porch and dyed the sidewalk eggs. (check her site for the pictures) This afternoon we put on our pretty Easter dress, did our hair and went outside to find the eggs Mommy hid. Now, the dexterity of a two-year old is limited, so we'll forgive the fact that only 5 eggs survived unbroken. (again, the pictures are on OC's site)

But in the "new" tradition of Easter, no one will be passed out drunk on the porch, no one will go to jail, and no hate mail will be sent afterwards (though both OC and Mommy may run around the house in our underwear for the rest of the day since there's no one to impress!)

I searched the card isle once again this year, but there is still no Hallmark card which says, "Here's hoping the Easter Bunny crawls up your ass and craps chocolate eggs until they come out your ears!" So I guess there will be no need to mail out cheerful cards to the ex-family!

However, I'd still like to send wonderful wishes to all my TRUE family and friends (in otherwards, anyone who can moderate their liquor intake enough that they can still say "Happy Easter") Here's hoping that you have a wonderful time with your family (and/or friends) and if you are unlucky enough to still have people in your life like my ex-family... break out the makeup and paint a bunny face on your brother when he passes out in front of the television with a beer in his hand!


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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Back By Popular Demand

Okay... a few guidelines before you read this post
  1. This is 100% true story. This is in no way exagerated, embellished or otherwise fluffed up for your entertainment and amusement. These are actual emails that took place between my Uncle and me.
  2. Please pee, put down your hot beverage, and place pillows around your chair prior to reading this. I will not be held responsible for accidents or injuries.
  3. If this does not make you laugh you need to seek psychiatric help because you are seriously messed up in the head! I mean... I know my sense of humor is hard to get sometimes, but this is no frills, no special effects FUNNY!
I now present to you...
A few years ago when I could stand to speak with certain members of my family without the feeling that a lie detector was buzzing in my ear every 5 minutes, I decided I needed to send a letter to my Grandparents. Unfortunately, I'm lazy. The letters get written. The envelopes get addressed. And months later I find the sealed, stamped envelope at the bottom of a stack of papers. To assure my letter got to my Grandparent's I decided I would email it to my youngest Uncle as he lived 6 blocks away from them. I kindly asked him to deliver it for me. He did so and a few days later I got this message in my email.
Dear Niece,
I was more than happy to deliver your note to Ma & Pa. It arrived at our house okay. But, while driving across town, I ran over something that destroyed my tire before flying up and cutting my oil filter. I sat down my beer and changed my tire. Just as I was finishing, a cop pulled up to help. After seeing the open beer bottle, he started asking a lot of questions that I didn't have time, or desire to hear. This is when my friend "Bud" started thinking that we could out run said copper. About a mile down the road, Bud remembered the damaged oil filter. The loud knocking noise was the first hint. Bud and I discovered a Tracker will go about 1.4 miles with no oil. At this time, Bud is thinking, "Cops eat a lot of donuts, I'll bet we can out run him on foot." After only 3 or 4 steps, the nice copper tackled me on the ground. He offered me a ride and gave me some bracelets, so here is your bill for
delivering your letter!
1 tire...................................$ 67.45
1 oil filter............................$ 6.75
1 Motor installed................$1500.01
Bail.....................................$ 300.00
Fines...................................$ 700.03
Insurance Increase.............$3500.04
Uncle Auto
As you can guess, I could not help but respond accordingly:
Uncle Auto,
I have reviewed the bill you sent me very carefully and I have concluded the following:Goodyear tire estimates that the average motorist in North America travels about 12,000 miles each year. The delivery that I requested was appoximately a 1.2 mile drive. Considering that, the mechanical repairs on your vehicle should be reduced to 1/10,000th of the total. (approximately 16 cents) Considering you likely would have driven this distance regardless of whether you were delivering my letter or not, I feel that you are still responsible for 1/2 of the remaining cost. Making me responsible for 8 cents of your mechanical repairs.
Now let's address your criminal charges. The way I see it 99% of these charges should be blamed on your friend "Bud", who apparently gave you very ill advise in a time of crisis. Of the remaining 1%, I must hold you 99% responsible for listening to your friend as we all know he doesn't have the best history for good advice. The remaining 1% of that should be equally split between myself and your wife, whom obviously made you drink that beer. Thus, my conclusion in regards to your criminal costs is that Bud should be responsible for $3762.04, You should be responsible for $37.62. The remaining 39 cents should be split between me and your wife, making me responsible for 20 cents.
Finally, we will address the matter of your raised insurance in the amount of $3500.04. First, as insurance is based on the driving history of the insured drivers, we must first cut this amount in half and place half of the blame on your wife. This reduces said bill to $1750.02. Next, the way I see it is you have been driving for approximately 30 years which adds up to 10950 days. My letter was involved in just one of these days and therefor I feel I'm only responsible for 1/10950th of your driving history. Using these figures, I estimate that my responsiblity for your insurance costs are 16 cents.
The revised bill is as follows:
1 tire, 1 oil filter, 1 engine installed.............$0.08
bail, lawyer fees, & fines...........................$0.20
raised insurance cost...............................$0.16
Total cost to me.......................................$0.44
Now, normally, I make around $9.00 an hour giving advice to students and assisting with problems. Due to the fact that you have done so much free mechanical work for me in the past, I'm going to do you a favor and provide you with equally valuable advice for a flat rate of 44 cents.
First, I must recommend that you forget your wife is partially to blame for this misspent adventure and write it off as the price you pay for "marital bliss"
Secondly, though I don't think it will do you much good, you should send a bill to your friend "Bud" in the amount of $3762.04 for your criminal costs. Here, I must advise you that Bud is a bad role model for you. He is a bad influence on your fragile sensibilities and he will only lead you to further trouble in the future. Perhaps you should consider cutting all ties with him and find more positive influences in your life. Word on the street is that Bud is a bad guy. He's been seen in the company of many bad characters like Jack, Jose, and even the notorious Mary Jane. More often than not, he seems to be associated with criminal activities world wide. You need to find out who you are and stop letting Bud tell you who should be. I know you like Bud and he's fun to be around, but considering your history together I just don't think that he is a very good friend to you. How many nights has Bud spent in jail for you? Think about it.
Best Wishes,
Princess K
Clearly offended, Uncle Auto responded as follows:
In a shameless attempt to get out of paying a bill, you have attacked all my friends. After telling them about your comments, there replies were as follows:
  • Mary Jane said, "I need to weed out the bad kin and smoke 'em!"
  • Jose responded with "Senor Rojo been berry berry good!"
  • Jack thinks you hate him because he's black!
  • Then there's Bud. Bud cannot believe the terrible things you, a fellow horse lover, said about him. He wonders if you realize that a total disassociation with Bud would result in 5 majectic Cleidsdales starving to death? And wonders if you should be teaching our youths.
Till next time,
Uncle Auto
It was obvious that he was taking my efforts to help him as a personal attack on his friends. Anyone who knows my family can tell you that the only disease that can survive in our bloodstream is alcoholism. Knowing that the bond between him and his friends is very strong (and none of my family would be sobering up for an intervention) I decided to cut my losses and hope I didn't get any collection calls on the matter. No doubt, we are both better off since the severing of family ties. I no longer need to waste stamps or bandwidth on letters and Uncle Auto can no longer blame me for his misadventures.
Now you all understand why I'm so messed up in the head. Be sympathetic with me.

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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Heheh... I saw it and you have to wait!!

That's right...
It was illegal
It was stolen
It got a guy fired
The FBI are involved
And now it's been pulled so you can't see it until May 1st!!
BTW... It was great!!
Oh... and in case you want to whine about how I'm ruining the industry?
My $15 clearance/second-hand outfits really don't care if your Gucci shoes and Armani suits have enough company!

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Thursday, April 2, 2009


The Queen thinks she needs a redo in life. More time with those she loves and less time wasted along the way on things that didn't matter.
I must remind her... a redo changes everything!
  • Take away the bad and you would never be the "better person" that you are today.
  • Add more time with those you love and risk adding bad memories and potentially losing those wonderful moments you cherish!
  • More money, a different job, a better education... all of these things would change the path that you chose in life.
  • Remove the "bad" people and you may never have met the wonderful people you hold dear.
So I honestly admit, while I've made my fair share of mistakes and errors along the way. And there are people I wish I had given less and people I'd love to give more... I would never be willing to spin that "Redo Roulette Wheel" and risk losing the good things in the hopes of something better.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That being said... I sure wouldn't mind a redo on the Mexican Enchilladas I had for lunch!!

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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Love From Paris!!

Hahahaha! Like I can afford Paris!! Besides... I just watched "Taken" and... well... no thanks, I'll stick to the safe countries like Croatia, Rowanda, and Iraq!

But you have to admit that Prince Charming and I make a damn cute couple!!

Happy April Fool's!!

Check out the funny Photo Tutorial at

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