Friday, October 31, 2008

Disney Sponsors the Schools?

That's right... if you haven't read it yet... the first thing you need to do is read Jill's post about the school's Halloween party

Okay... did you read it? Good. Now you will understand my rant.


Kids can be Disney characters, Fairytale characters, Aminals, Plants, Etc.... and that's it?

They CANNOT be Superheros, ghosts, goblins, witches, devils, ninjas?

That being said... I'm going to give Jill (and anyone else who gets theses letters) a list of acceptable costumes for next year.
  • Big Bad Wolf - Meets all of the required criteria... Disney, Fairy Tale, AND Animal... scary as hell though... imagine the crying preschoolers!!
  • Captain Hook or any of the other pirates- If you wanted to pull off a "banned" pirate costume! (Also, any characters from Pirates of the Caribbean, or Blackbeard's Ghost)
  • Chernabog - The scary ass demon from Fantasia!!
  • Hades - The mythological equivilant to the DEVIL!!! and a Disney character. (Or there's always The Devil and Max Devlin)
  • Maleficent - She's not really a witch... she's a "dark fairy" and "mistress of all evil"... and she turns into a dragon. BONUS!!
  • Evil Queen (Snow White) - Again... not a witch... a QUEEN! (More Disney Witches: Bedknobs & Broomsticks; Hocus Pocus; Chronicles of Narnia)
  • Sid Phillips (Toy Story) - If you want to pull off the whole "bad boy" or "semi-goth" costume!
  • The caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland - don't forget to make a HOOKA for the costume!!
  • Baby Herman (Who Framed Roger Rabbit) - CIGAR and all!!
  • Jessica Rabbit - Need I elaborate?
  • Merlin (Sword in the Stone) - In case wizards are banned.
  • Rabid Dog (Old Yeller)
  • Tarzan - make sure all you give the boy is a LOIN CLOTH!
  • The Princess from Princess Diaries - I prefer recreating the scene where they catch her changing at the beach... just wrap the kid in a beach towel!

And see... I'm only dealing with the Disney portion of acceptable characters.

Fairytale really leaves it wide open. Anyone ever read a TRUE Grimm Brother's Fairy Tale... There is some SCARY SHIT in there!!

Let's take oh.... Cinderella...

the two false sisters came and wanted to get into favor with Cinderella and
share her good fortune. When the betrothed couple went to church, the elder was
at the right side and the younger at the left, and the pigeons pecked out one
eye from each of them. Afterwards as they came back the elder was at the left,
and the younger at the right, and then the pigeons pecked out the other eye from
each. And thus, for their wickedness and falsehood, they were punished with
blindness all their days.

Kindergarten class will never be the same after you send your child to class dressed like a beautiful princess... with her EYES PLUCKED OUT!!

Oh yes... fairy tale characters are PERFECTLY acceptable!! But no ninja's?

In addition to sending your child in one of these costumes... I propose the following suggestions:

  • Claim to be affiliated with and then complain about the religious infringment of allowing ANGEL costumes. Bonus for choosing a "pagan" religion.
  • Insist that your family tree goes back to Salem and not allowing your child to express his heritage is wrong (Note: Yes, I realize "real" witches didn't wear goofy hats and stuff.)
  • Propose that denying a ninja costume discriminates against those of Asian heritage!
  • As a parent, come watch your child's Halloween Parade dressed in any costume on the list of forbidden costumes. Let them pick on someone their own size!!
  • Demand to speak to your school board about why they are demoralizing our children by promoting "false" role models created by Disney... when they SHOULD be promoting real life heros like Policemen, Nurses, Doctors, Firemen, etc. (costumes that may not have been forbidden, but were definately not included on the acceptable list!!)

Have I mentioned that I have a pet peeve about SCHOOLS who step on the toes of GOOD parents because they are overcompensating for those who are BAD parents?

Have I mentioned that I have a pet peeve about SCHOOLS who step on a parent's "RIGHT TO MAKE CHOICES FOR THEIR CHILD" by forbidding mohawks, harmless costumes, and other ridiculous bullshit!!

Yes... I work for a school. And yes... my child will PROBABLY attend a public school. However, I do not agree with everything that schools (including the one I work for) do. And I'm certain, that when I am a parent, I will disagree with the school more often than I do now.

I'm not saying schools are bad... just that much like all things government these days they have some real serious CONTROL ISSUES! And I will admittedly blame the growing number of STUPID PARENTS... but I don't think we all deserve to be punished to compensate!

Hope Jill can use some of these while she's stepping up to the plate on the whole school stuff. Go root for her!! Read more ...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Happy Early Birthday Present to Me

"The third season of Big Love will premiere on January 11, 2009"

Way early!! Read more ...

Okay... you better clean your guest room!

Okay... listen up bloggies!! One of you lives near enough to Corpus Christie to show up from there. I think I can guess who it is. And I'm just saying... you better be cleaning up your guest room because a) winter is knocking on the door b) I need a good vacation c) the biggest body of water I've ever seen was Lake Michigan d) I have a really CUTE swimsuit e) Ogre Child loves swimming and f) gas prices are low enough to drive there!!

I'm telling you right now, we spent last winter without electricity for 10 days and I'm so not staying with the in-laws again... I'll pack up the car and drive south until I see your house!!

All I ask for is a warm shower and a little sunshine... and coffee. Read more ...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

You've Gotta Participate!

So, I'm all about freebies!! And coupons!!!

Unfortunately there are tons of sites out there that are just B.S.

THIS is not one of them.

I signed up (maybe a couple weeks ago) with vocalpoint and...

this week I recieved
  • a Gillette Venus Embrace razor to sample. It also came with five coupons for $4 off the razor to give to friends.
  • a brochure about StarKist Tuna Creations and their flavors. This came with a Buy One Get One Free coupon on a StarKist Creations or StarKist Pouch. Again, came with 4 addition brochures to share with friends (or buy more tuna... lol)

So honestly, if you're in to that sort of stuff give it a shot. They might never send me anything else... but they are genuine. There's also coupons available on their site (this week it's $2 off the Kashi granola bars).

Happy Wednesday... I'll let you know if the razor's worth it or not when I get up the ambition to actually shave my legs!!

FYI: Queen... this might be something to jump start your other blog!!

Read more ...

I shouldn't be shocked

Some of google's top search terms this month... (FYI: Yes, I'm very bored!)

Oct 6 - #14: bird is the word
Oct 7 - #1: Walk softly and carry a big stick
Oct 8 - #17: Sad guys on the trading floor
Oct 9 - #3: creepy gay kid happy birthday
Oct 15 - #2: litmus test... #18: LIPNESS test
Oct 18 - #7: Deep fried Pepsi

Oct 20 - #1:
hummingbird sex position

Oct 22 - #1: I hate your guts Jim Norton
Oct 23 - #11: Domino surgery
Oct 24 - #15: hit a jew day
Oct 28 - #1: dirt nasty
Oct 29 - #64: ten inch hero

I desperately want to know what was going on October 20th... that's just disturbing!!! Read more ...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Goodnight Sweet Boys (tear-factor)

Two dear friends are gone this evening.

Some girls get an Easter Bunny... I got a horse.

You can say, "It's just a horse," and maybe in your eyes that's all they are. But for a rancher, a horse is a friend. A horse can save a million man hours. A horse can bring the cows home out of canyons a man can't dream to walk and the best 4-wheel-drive can't conquer. A horse will brave the heat with you, weather the humidity with you, work the whole day long with you. All because you asked him to. A horse will be a friend to walk the hills to nowhere for no particular reason except to see what might be over the next ridge. A horse is the one creature on a ranch who has earned every right to die on the place because only a horse will log as many working hours as a man will.

Our horses have been retired for years now. Just a couple of ol' hay burners who've logged their hours and earned their right.

That Ol' Man loved my Dad enough to take the hit the bull had meant for Dad. And that Ol' Man loved my Pretty Boy enough to stand by his side after the lightening strike that crippled them. And my Pretty Boy loved Ol' Man enough to stay with him through all the cold winter snows when his legs were stiff with arthritis. And they both loved home enough to gallop all the way to their corrals when they were 'kidnapped' for a week.

We loved them both enough to offer up every luxury we could to try and see them live long happy lives. And they both have. They have ran free in green pastures long past their prime.

Today we had let them go. At 28, the Ol' Man can no longer digest his feed. And after years of treating his laminitis, Pretty Boy can no longer walk.

Tonight, as I cry... as my mother cries... as my father holds back the sorrow we know he feels. Our friends will bask under a perfect starlit sky with fields of sweet clover as far as their eyes can see. They will run without the pain that years of hard work brought them. They will kick up their heels and frolick together like they once did in their long forgotten youth. And though it's hard to see them go, we have the solice of knowing they went peacefully together, side by side, just as they had been for the last 15 years. They'd have both been lost without the other. And now their pain is over. Read more ...

What I've been doing this evening...

If you'd like to see my whole list visit my other blog. But seriously, I deserve bonus points for accomplishing this one:
  • I'm in the process of bleaching the coffee pot.
  • Granted, my coffee pot has only been used a handful of times... however, the last time my mother was here, she made her morning coffee before she left.
  • Kindly, she left me coffee.
  • Unfortunately, I forgot about it until one day the coffee pot actually growled as I passed by it.
  • Being one of a weak stomach, I decided it would be better to let the creature die of starvation before I tackled it.
  • Because frankly... coffee pots are CHEAP!!
  • Besides... corpses are easier to dispose of than live kicking, biting, possibly toxic creatures!!
  • Now the creature is DEAD and I'm trying to salvage the pot so Mom & Dad can have coffee when they get here.
  • Oh don't groan... I've seen my mother clean up a coffee pot far worse than this one was.
  • And though I never wanted to drink coffee from it, it never seemed to phase her one bit!

Okay, maybe I don't get bonus points becase it's my own stinking fault it mutated in the first place. But seriously... I cleaned it. I didn't just wait for the Queen to come rescue it. I actually cleaned it!! You don't even have a clue...

Read more ...

Monday, October 27, 2008

My New Stalkee

In my blog surfing tonight I discovered this

Oh yes... all Fairy Tale Princesses are perfect... I am definately no Mary Fucking Poppins. However, I have aspirations of Martha Stewartism... that is, if you can picture Martha Stewart with a toddling Ogre attached to one hip, a cigarette in the other, walking naked through her 2 bedroom apartment looking for a "Dink Dink" that the couch probably ate!

But seriously. I look at the stacks of papers, the ebb and flow of the kitchen disaster, and the laundry that reproduces in the hallway and wish we could find a better way to stay neat.

I've taken steps... seriously. I make it a point to clean up before bed. Unfortunately, since that usually requires the Ogre Child to be unconscious, I'm usually sapped by that point and the extent of the cleaning amounts to picking up after the hurricane that is my child. Most of the time, I get the benefit of at least waking up to a clean (probably unvaccumed) living room.

However, this is simply not enough!

I want more!

I want to corral the papers, have a sparkling bathroom, be able to use my kitchen counters ANYTIME (not just after one of us has slaved in the kitchen for hours to clean it).

And yes, I've surfed all the organizing/tackle clutter/get clean sites known to man. I've sat down, made lists, organized calendars... but what happens? The lists get lost... the schedule gets tossed to the curb after an exhausting day... and the mess piles up on us once again!

So... after much surfing of the site, I'm adding this blog to my blog roll... because there is one consistant in my life right now (aside from work, Motherhood, etc.) and that is... checking blogs. So I'm thinking, if I were to randomly stumble across these ideas at moments when I'm caught off guard... I might be more likely to find myself in a mood to DO, and less likely to spend time looking up the perfect technique while in the mood to ASPIRE.

So make sure you check out Prohomaker for a little clutter control this week!

Now, I'm off to watch AVP2 and by the time it's through it should be time for bed.

FYI: Forgive the typos tonight, it's a combination of my hand and my keyboard both tripping up at the same time. I did my best, but I'm not going to nit pick on the issue! Read more ...

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Mass Comment Response

So... I've had so many new visitors this month, I thought I needed to devote an entire post just to them. I'm pretty good about making sure to add my commenters to the blog roll. And I try really hard to go back and leave a comment... but things don't always work out as planned. So I've gone through them all and I'm going to cover my bases here.

Of course my top commenter is always the Queen. It's just because she knows how genetically fabulous I am. Not to mention how many of my father's genes I've had to overcome!!!

HOWEVER... I must say, with her quick responses, I do believe that Farmer*s Wife is sweeping in for a hostile takeover for the lead. She's vicious and selfish like that. And frankly, one of these two goof balls really needs to teach me how to do the strike through thing because I would SOOOO use it bunches!!

And now... in no particular order...

  • Mr. Lady - Hope you tried the meatloaf... it's well worth it!
  • Veronica - I miss you but I'm too lazy to get on a forum... come visit my castle!!
  • Catherine - Sure... it's not a hoax? Right... I'm still waiting for the brave one's to try it for me!
  • Chris - CONGRATULATIONS!! You'll make an AWESOME grandma!! And Grandma's are sexy in this day and age!!
  • TT - Yes dear, I teach... therefore I drink! As for the RLS, going to talk to Doc about it on the 4th b/c it's been really bugging me (at least hat's what I think it is)
  • ff - Flipping Fabulous!! That should be your new username!
  • Granny Nanny - Thanks for the cookies!
  • Kelly Dawn - Seriously, keep the whole wasting time at work thing a secret... they'll ban me!
  • J... - Yeah, I can't figure out why th Sorority girls always looked at us funny. It's not like we were running down the halls quoting random movies or lyrics. Should have seen the look on my RN's face when I answered the door in full clad gothic makeup. Priceless!!
  • ria - Your blog is just the cuteness!
  • Celtic Buffy - CLOWNS R SCARY!! Totally forbidden in my house!!
  • Dana - Thanks a million!!
  • Corky - Of course I'm up late... it's called insomnia. I'll mail you a calculator for Christmas ;)

And this successfully revealed that I'd forgotten to add Kelly & Catherine to the blog roll... my super duper appologies... I believe it is now fixed.


Princess Ogre Child is demanding that it is now bedtime!! We'll see how long this process takes!!

Read more ...

Saturday, October 25, 2008

A Lesson for FW #1: Making Awards

Since she's whining and begging and worse than that... accusing me of hording the talent... I figure I'll give this "teaching" thing a try. I'm warning you though... I'm not a very good teacher. However, since I learned to do screen shots, it might be a little easier.

So first, I'll teach you the HARD way to make an award. It IS harder, but you have more options for creativity. After that, I'll give you the easy (cheaters!) way of doing it!!

What you'll need:
  • Basic Paint Program
  • A Picture you want to use for the award
  • Time
  • Patience
  • Some simple math skills


Copy the picture you want to use into a paint program. Size doesn't matter because we're going to fix that in the next couple of steps. Better it is too big than too small. So here's my copied photo.


Now for the size. Most pictures aren't made for sidebars, but it's really easy to fix. When making sidebar tems, I usually want them about 150 pixels wide to guarantee a fit. If you want them bigger or smaller that's just fine... you basically just play around with the numbers until you find the ideal width.

To find the pixel width of the picture you are using place your cursor on the far right side of the picture (red "x") and look in the bottom right corner of the status bar for the location.

If you don't see these numbers it probably means your status bar isn't visible. To fix that, go to the view menu and check "Status Bar".


There's a really easy math problem that will help yo figure exactly how much you need to shrink your picture to fit. Of course, you can always do the trial and error method... but this really isn't difficult so don't panic.

All you have to do is take the (pixel width you need) and divide it by the (pixel width you have) then multiply by 100.

So in this case... I need (150p) and I have (299p). Therefore... 150/299= .50 multiply by 100 for 50%.


Now that we know the percent we need... it's just a matter of shrinking. To do that you go to the Image menu and use the "Stretch/Skew" option.

When it opens, simply enter the percent you found in STEP 3. Make sure to enter it into both the width and the height so you don't lose the dimensions of the picture.

We now have our picture the right size for a sidebar.


This is really an optional step. If you are happy with the look of your image, you can go on to step 7 and add your text. However, if you want to do some fine tuning to your image, it's easier if you zoom in.

When you've zoomed in, you can change colors, adjust your crop, add borders, etc.

On this one, I want to get rid of the white border and change the height of the picture.

First, I selected the whole image (CTRL+A) and moved it up on the screen to crop out the extra at the top.

Next, I filled in the white border with the orange color that matches the image.

Then, I slid the bottom of the image square up. There are little size adjusters in the exact middle of the drawing screen to let you do this... I forgot to circle them on this image for you, but you can see the little dots at the midpoints. Just drag and drop them where you want on the image.

On this picture, I had my width set where I wanted it already, so rather than dragging the right side in, I selected the whole image again and slid it to the right.


Once you've got the background image "perfect" you'll have to zoom back out to add text.


Use the text option to add you text.

In your picture click where you want the text to start and drag to make a text box. Once this box is made, you will not be able to move your text unless you have a solid background. Threfore, if you make a mistake, you will have to UNDO the text box and try again. You can do some fine adjusting using the spacebar, but it's limited.

After you insert your text box, you're going to want to open the text tools so you can change sizes and fonts. Click the View menu and check Text Toolbar.

It will pop up in a small screen that you can move where you want.

Next, I always type in a word and adjust my colors using the pallet at the bottom. Once I've decided on a color, I adjust to a font size about 10 or 12 until I'm sure my text will fit. Now I type my text.

Once I've typed all I want, then I start scrolling through fonts until I find the one that looks best. You can also adjust the font size again if you want. If you need to make your text box wider, you can use the size adjusters on the box to do that as well.

Now, in this case, I did not want the solid colored background on my text (it may be hard to see because it's orange, but the image is not showing through) To fix this, simply click the "opaque" button on the very bottom of the tools.


Your award is officially finished and all you have to do is save it.


Now you want the easy way? You want to cheat? Want to make cool personalized awards without breaking a sweat? Since I'm a very generous teacher, I'll fill you in on the secret.

Just go here

Image Chef

It's easy... just pick the template you want... upload a picture if it's an option... type your text, adjust your colors... right click and save the final picture. TADA!!!

If you completed this lesson... you can check below for your award!!!

Read more ...

Awards for Lesson #1

If you did it the HARD way...
and because I know some of you just can't handle the stress...

If you CHEATED...

Read more ...

Those 50 Fabulous States!!

In keeping with my mother's travels, I've decided to add a little badge for Kansas. Anyone who is participating in Queen's 50 States is welcome to add my "postcards" to their site! If you use the HTML codes, your postcard will link you back to Queen's origal post.

I'll be making some for the states I visit... and you will be welcome to those as well... however, if you have a set of SPECIFICS you just HAVE to HAVE for YOUR postcard... leave me a message & I'll see what I can do.

Read more ...

Friday, October 24, 2008

Join the POETS Society!!

Clearly, Farmer*s Wife is far too excited about the whole Friday Poets Club!! Next time I have a "pending" sign, I'll make sure it's
and says...

"Do you know what I'm going to say?"...


Anyway, I'm totally stealing this from my RL friend. I think it needs to be part of Blogland!!

The POETS Society is all about


In other words... maybe you will post on Friday... or maybe you will just put up a sign saying I'm a member of the POETS Society! Or maybe, you'll tell us all about how you blew off everything and called it an early weekend... it doesn't matter what you do. It's Friday!!

Go home, lock the children in the closet, crack open the wine bottle, and when your significant other asks, "What's for dinner?"
Just say, "POETRY!"
(Piss On Everything Today, Reheat Yesterdays!)
Feel free to save & link the images or simply copy the HTML codes I provided :)

This one is too big for MY sidebars, but if you have larger sidebars than me, you're more than welcome to use it!

P.S. Learning "Code boxes" was my new trick today!! WOOHOO for me!!

Read more ...

Thursday, October 23, 2008

And the Award goes to...

As promised, here's your award for reading all 100 things.

So far, the award goes to the following

Granny Nanny - Mail cocoa mix... I'm out!!

tt - Of course I did. Did you really read all those things and question whether I went shopping in slippers? Surely there were more unbelievable things listed!

queen - I believe it was the one we were all a BAD INFLUENCE on because we all know she wasn't acting out just to get the attention of her parents!

Kelly - shhh... don't tell people we waste time at work hanging ut on blogger, they'll get a program to block the website and then we'll all be committed to a mental hospital!

Read more ...

HNT: As Risque as I get

Inspired by bezbe (I wish my skin looked as perfect as hers!)
The human body is an amazing thing. Beautiful beyond belief. It is not uncommon for me to trapse around my house half-naked. Heck, I've been tempted to answer my front door in my underwear (especially when the landlord brings those state people by for manditory inspections... Just once I'd like to see the look on their faces... it's not like you can say I'm violating my lease by being naked in my own home!... LMAO... this idea really tickles me! Can you just imagine?)

Anyway, while I do not want to see my body pasted all over the internet, I have no problem with those who are comfortable with that. I do however have a general vision of what is classy vs. tacky nudity. I have no urge to see pictures of the nasty or a stranger's nether regions. However, the form, curve, line, and beauty of the body are artistic to me.

Therefor, in celebration of Half-Nekked Thursday, I'll participate just once.

Nothing obscene, just an artistic reminder that though stretch marks have ravaged this body it is still beautiful.

Hope no one is offended... but then again, if you are, you probably will be again so better you know up front!!

"I would rather be loved for what I am, than hated for something you imagine me to be."


Read more ...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

How Scared are you?

Having just read MSoSanity... I thought this was a good theme before Halloween. Who knows, there may be enough material here for a series of posts because I'm not nearly as PC as she is... I have no problem making fun of ridiculously scary things... why? Because I have a ridiculous phobia and all my "friends" make fun of me for it... (notice the quotations? That's because when they are poking fun of me... I use the term very lightly!! Damn Stepford Wives anyway!!)

So here we go... IRRATIONAL PHOBIAS!!
  • Ablutophobia - fear of washing or bathing... GROSS!!
  • Acousticophobia - fear of noise... and how does this one work?
  • Alliumphobia - fear of garlic... are you a vampire?
  • Allodoxaphobia - fear of opinions... are you a politician?
  • Amathophobia - fear of dust... I sense a B-rated horror movie in the making!!
  • Ambulophobia - fear of walking... I uffer from this when I've had too many to drink!
  • Anablephobia - fear of looking up... Hello Chicken Little!!
  • Arithmophobia - fear of numbers... do you get your bank statements written in Roman Numerals?
  • Asymmetriphobia - fear of asymetrical things... I'm truely trying to figure out how you avoid this one. WOW!!
  • Aulophobia - fear of flutes... I'm picturing a terrible band accident in your past!
  • Aurophoboa - fear of gold... seriously?
  • Autodysomophobia - fear of one that has a vile odor... see the first listed. Clearly not an eHarmony match!
  • Automatonophobia - fear of ventriloquist's dummies, etc.... Two words... Je-fa-fa DUN-HAM!!

And that's just the letter "A"

As for me? My phobia falls in the category of the letter "C" for fuck you I even hate typing the word and Halloween is a horrible horrible holiday designed to torment me and I hate my co-workers because they think it is absolutely hilarious that they all dressed in these costumes for work last year just to see me cry like a baby and then they made me take a picture with them and I cried like a big ass baby!!

What do you mean you still don't know what I'm afraid of?

That wasn't clear enough for you?

Fine... jackass... "Hi. My name is Princess and I'm afraid of c...clll....clll... clow.... CLOWNS!! FUCKING CLOWNS!!"

Now if you don't mind, I'm going to call my therapist so if you all get messages on your blogs telling you about a mysterious bill you have with Dr. Crackpot, know that I told him to bill my friends for this relapse episode!!

Read more ...

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

100 Things

So I'm totally lazy tonight... but bored... so I'm stealing this from bezbe to appease all my internet stalkers!
  1. I'm blogging naked (too much? sorry!)
  2. I eat yogurt and granola every night
  3. I have more stuffed animals than my daughter
  4. I've ridden a bucking bull in a rodeo
  5. I did NOT last 8 seconds
  6. It hurt like hell!
  7. I'm an only child
  8. I have a sister who is 36 and a brother who is 3!
  9. My father's ancestors traveled the Mormon trail with Brigham Young (this is cool even if I'm not Mormon)
  10. My mother's ancestors lived in Illinois & Missouri at the time when Mormons were persecuted and Joseph Smith was murdered! (this is also cool and has the potential for soooo much irony!)
  11. My great-great-grandfather had 3 wives and 25 children!!
  12. I haven't spoken to my Mother's parents since before my daughter was born.
  13. They've never held their great-granddaughter because they can't say "I'm sorry"
  14. I think my Dad is the coolest man on Earth (sorry Prince Charming!)
  15. My Dad is NOT my father... he's way more!
  16. I think my Mom is the coolest woman on Earth (sorry ladies... she's got it hands down!)
  17. I got a refrigerator box for Christmas when I was 19
  18. The only thing I took from my marriage was a couch (and he still bitched about it)
  19. I only drink coffee at work
  20. I make endless lists and then lose them
  21. I find the lists later and can't remember why I made them
  22. I sort my crayons by color (and get obsessive if they are out of order)
  23. My DVD collection is alphabetized
  24. I hate anything grape
  25. I had all the She-Ra dolls growing up
  26. I took wood shop in Middle School
  27. In college, I would skip my morning art class and do the projects in the art lab at 2 am.
  28. I've been part of a seance
  29. I'm afraid of Ouija boards
  30. I've played hide and seek in a cemetary
  31. I've drag raced in a funeral procession
  32. I used to leave cigarettes at my friend's grave
  33. I screamed every cuss word in the book about a substitute teacher and didn't get so much as a detention
  34. At lunch I eat black olives with creamy Italian dressing almost every day
  35. I've ordered a rum & coke, light on the rum. (I drink for taste and the bartender was serving for SLOSHED!)
  36. I've browsed the dictionary for pleasure.
  37. Clowns are scary
  38. My annual eye exam takes 2 hours (it's Thursday if you wanted to know)
  39. I had the same doctor from birth until I was 23
  40. I have 1 ovary (and she's very independant and refuses to sync with the Stepford Wives)
  41. My medical records say I have colitis and I don't even know what it is!
  42. My favorite food is Italian
  43. I have no Italian ancestors
  44. I have watched Gone With the Wind all the way through... more than once
  45. I have seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
  46. Sometimes I play country and hip hop back to back
  47. I love cartoons
  48. I'm scared of dentists
  49. I pay for dental insurance
  50. I don't have a dentist
  51. I hate math
  52. I'm a whiz at math
  53. I love English class
  54. I have terrible grammar
  55. I wanted to be a vet when I grew up
  56. I majored in Sociology
  57. I can draw anything
  58. I love antique books
  59. I hate canned fruit
  60. I hate cooking
  61. I can cook
  62. I hate when the laundry is folded wrong
  63. I fold my towels like motels
  64. I collect free samples for when my Mom visits
  65. I love decorating for Christmas
  66. I'm horrible about remembering birthdays
  67. I'd love to be a foster parent someday
  68. I'd love to do interior design
  69. Or web page design
  70. I can sing (or so I've been told)
  71. I can make oragami cranes
  72. I still talk to 3 ex boyfriends on Myspace
  73. I'm a procrastinator
  74. I can say my ABC's backwards... for real... really fast if you want!
  75. I can't dance
  76. I can program a VCR and hook up a surround sound
  77. I got a horse for Easter!
  78. I took hunter safety
  79. I can't say 'polypropaline' (okay, I can, but it takes about 3 tries to get it right!)
  80. After my Senior prom we stopped and washed our clothes in a laundry mat
  81. The laundry mat had a huge picture window
  82. It was one a main street in town
  83. I once bought hair dye in Walmart, then drove to Shopko and dyed my hair in their bathroom, then drove to a gas station and washed the dye out in their water hose.
  84. In college, I went shopping with hair dye in my hair. When my roommate realized we'd been out too long, she drug me into the nearest salon and begged to use their sink before she fried my hair.
  85. I've been carded 3 times in one cigarette!
  86. I put cocoa mix in my morning coffee
  87. I used to deliver coffee and Stephen King novels to my friend every morning she was suspended from school.
  88. I went to Chicago with NO PARENTS when I was 16!
  89. I've gone grocery shopping in a bath robe and bunny slippers at 2 AM
  90. I screamed "I was born with a WANG but I never had a NUT SACK!" while walking down the halls of my dorm (it's the lyrics to a song!)
  91. I've slept on a polar bear hide
  92. I dated a guy who wore more make up than me
  93. I've trained a dog to climb a ladder
  94. I played a terrorist in my High School play (they could never act out 'Softy' in this day and age)
  95. I've eaten horse meat
  96. I want my daughter to do some bad things just to drive Prince Charming's Mother nuts
  97. Beer gives me a headache
  98. I don't want to vote this year because I don't like either candidate
  99. I think used to take pictures of my daughter every day
  100. My daughter has 3 real cell phones and a dozen toy ones.

If you really read through all of these, you SOOO are more bored than I am!! Leave me a comment to PROVE you read them and I'll make you an award when I get some free time. I might not get them done tomorrow, but at least by Thursday!

Have a great tomorrow!! I'm off to bed (I hope)

Read more ...

The Start of a Crappy Day

So this fabulous Tuesday should have started off wonderfully. Prince Charming had the night off so I should have gotten a good night's sleep. Instead... damn RLS had me tossing and turning until 4 AM. Along with a back ache, a head ache, and heart burn. I was just about to doze off in the wee early hours when Prince Charming started shifting in his sleep. Every time I'd get comfortable and hear the calls of dreamland, he'd shift and pull the blanket one inch too far. I have a super sensitive butt (I know that sounds bad) and the slightest draft is unacceptable. So I finally grabbed the afghan off the couch, took a couple of TUMS and settled in.

Despite that, I feel rather okay this morning. I made it to work on time and assessed the schedule. It should be a boring day since half of our students are gone on a field trip or general no-shows. HOWEVER... my favorite student is gone. That's right... I have a FAVORITE!! I promise, they still all get treated the same... it's just hard not to love this kid. Always has their work done and wanting more. Doesn't waste time or goof off in class. A generally good kid (though I like to think all my kids are good kids). Unfortunately, the kid got the short end of the stick when it came to foster care. Disgusted with the system doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about this situation. Apparently, last night they'd had enough and shipped her out. Granted, things happen at home that teachers are never priviledged to and kids act different in different environments, but you will NEVER convince me that this was a "bad kid". The experts can tell me I'm niave or that I got suckered into some ploy, but I'm not buying it!! If the good inside this kid was all just an act, it was damn consistant and geniune. BULLLLLLSHHHIIIITTT!! But hopefully, they'll find a better home for this kid. And I hope that all the love and caring is given to them that they deserve, because if someone will take the time to nurture the right things in this one, amazing things will happen!

That being said, I'm going to try to sit back and think about what it would be like to be QUEEN!! Stay tuned for more on that one! Read more ...

Monday, October 20, 2008

I'm a brain... actually this is like my 4th try!

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Site48
Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Site
Read more ...

Sunday, October 19, 2008


I could have told them this... feel free to check out some of them here.

You Should Be A Poet

You craft words well, in creative and unexpected ways.

And you have a great talent for evoking beautiful imagery...

Or describing the most intense heartbreak ever.

You're already naturally a poet, even if you've never written a poem.

Of course I copied this from Buffy. Poetry is no shock because it fits into my procrastination scheme very well... poem finished in 5 minutes no need for follow up... lol.
Read more ...


1)What color is your toothbrush
white & teal
2)What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
talking with a friend and watching our daughters play
3)What is your favorite candy bar?
4)Have you ever been to a strip club?
Bare Assets!!
5)What is the last thing you said aloud
No, I don't want to hold you
6)What is the best ice cream flavor?
Ben & Jerry's Half Baked
7)What was the last thing you had to drink?
Mountain Dew
8)What are you wearing right now?
Red dress and red/black striped tights (part of my Halloween costume)
9)What was the last thing you ate?
Raisen & Spice Oatmeal
10)Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Does the red Halloween cape count?
11)When was the last time you ran?
Last night when I was racing my cart through the WalMart parking lot to entertain the Ogre Child.
12)Who was the last person to send you a message or comment to?
Brenda - It was her birthday and I had to tell her I miss her like a junkie misses his next hit!!
13)Do you take vitamins daily?
Yes... two Flintstones if you must know
14) Do you go to church every Sunday?
Never... Going to church makes you no more a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car!
15)Do you have a tan?
HAHAHAHAHA! My skin color is.... transparent!
16)Do you like Chinese food over pizza?
I love Chinese. I love pizza. I prefer Chinese instead of pizza. If you put Chinese OVER your pizza you will go to HELL!! That's gross!!
17)Do you drink your soda with a straw?
If there is ice in it I do...otherwise no.
18)What did your last text message say?
Just a reminder that tomorrow is "Hug a Retard Day." So don't freak out like you did last year. Nobody is trying to take your fucking helmet.
19)Are you someones best friend?
Of course... am I not YOUR best friend? I better be!!
20)What are you doing tomorrow?
Working... but don't remind me.
21)Where is your dad?
Hold on... let me put on my psychic mind reading cap... that's right... he's sitting in front of the television... on the coach... with the dog... watching a 1950's Western... in 30 minutes he'll fall asleep with a death grip on the remote.
22)Look to your left, what do you see?
>On the book shelf... English lesson plans, Notebooks, Scraps of paper, A box of reciepts, baby wipes, books, magazines, mail, lotion, a candle, CD's, chocolate, video games, pictures, a coffee cup, a stuffed bear, an air freshener, a puzzle, a police scanner, teddy grahams, a thermometer, lighters, a water fountain... much much more... Yes, the bookshelf needs cleaned.
23)What color is your watch?
Hate watches. Have one somewhere, no idea what color it is.
24)Do you use chapstick?
Yes, I like the oil roller ones... can't remember what their called.
25)What is your birthstone
Garnet. Any man who can't buy me jewelry is CHEAP because I have the cheapest birthstone on the planet. If you buy me a FAKE garnet.. I'll trow it at you!
28)Last guy you talked on the phone with?
Prince Charming... before I headed home last night.
29)Last girl you talked on the phone with?
Fairy Godmother... after shopping with Snow White last night.
30)Any plans today?
Clean... relax... clean... bathe... sleep
31)Do you dye your hair?
Sometimes. Not often anymore.
32)Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
My daughter insists on pouring her milk out of her sippy into any container she can find.
33)Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Sober and drunk... can't you?
34)Do you have a maid service clean your house?
I wish!!
35)Are you jealous of anyone!
Nope... okay... maybe Bill Gates... but not really!
36)Do you love anyone?
Of course... the list is huge!
37)Do any of your friends have children?
Most of them have children
38)Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
Hate? Does the ex-idiot count? Just him... I think.
39)Do you use the word hello daily?
40)Do you like cats?
Sort of... but I prefer dogs
41)Have you ever been to Six Flags?
42)How did you get your worst scar?
Abdomenal surgery... looks like I've had a C-section!
43)How old was your mom when you were born?
44)What is your favorite smell?
Rain and alfalfa
45)What was the last dvd you watched?
The Brave One
46)Do you like sudoku?
47)Have you ever been to Disney World?
48)What is your favorite number?
49)Do you toast your Pop Tarts?
Yes... then I smother them in butter and eat them with a fork!
48) Have you ever waited tables?
Yes... don't remind me.
51)Do you vote?
Yes... but I'm questioning the act this year.
52)Do you believe in reincarnation?
Maybe... the afterlife is one of the theological mysteries to me.
53)What is your zodiac sign?
54)Do you work out?
Sometimes, not as much as I should
55)Are you/do you want to be married?
Been there, done that, might do it again someday.
56)Do you remember the "Pepsi wave"?
Should I?
57)Do you like clowns?
58)What is your favorite animal(s)?
59)Do you have/want children?
Have one... great birth control :)
60)Do you enjoy wasting time online?
More than I should. Read more ...

Ever Wonder What They're Thinking?

WARNING: This post is boring. Blame Mom. It's for her. Just a RANT on the Nebr. Game and Parks because I just got a notice in the mail saying that they do not believe there are UNICORNS in Nebraska and they will not investigate my claim that I saw one. I sent them photos of the unicorn butt and hoof prints, but they are convinced it's just a horse. ASSHOLES!! They think I'm crazy!!

If you didn't know, I was born and raised in Nebraska. There's a neat thing about Nebraska... While it is a long way from Egypt... the whole damn state is in DENIAL!!

I have no doubt the Game and Parks in Nebraska needs some serious medication to treat their denial.

They do ADMIT on their website that there have been confirmed mountain lion sightings in the state. I firmly believe that this is only because they had to explain how the dead animal got there shot by a local. I imagine if they had access to some Men in Black flash memory eraser stick, no one would be the wiser on the matter.

Despite the "sightings", the Game and Parks still denies that Mountain Lions actually LIVE in the state. Clearly, all of the "sightings" are chalked up to animals that have MIGRATED out of their territory!! And because of this migrations, future sightings are possible, but still unlikely!

And yet here are the confirmations:
1. 1991 - Subadult female shot
2. Apr 1996 - Male killed by train
3. March 1999 - young male shot
4. Sep 1999 - Male shot
5. Nov 2000 - Male shot
6. 2002 - Young Male killed
7. Oct 2003 - Young male captured alive
8. Apr 2004 - Skull found
9. Nov 2004 - Young male shot
10. Nov 2005 - Young Male hit on I-80
11. June 2006 - Young male hit on HW 20
12. Oct 2006 - Male shot
13. Jan 2007 - Adult male killed
14. Feb 2007 - Female and 2 kittens photographed
15. Feb 2007 - (see above)
16. Feb 2007 - Kitten road killed (assuming kitten was one of two photographed)
17. June 2007 - Young male road killed
18. Feb 2008 - Male shot
19. May 2008 - Deer kill photographed

The last 7 years there has been at least one animal killed in the state each year... sometimes more. Considering the 'elusiveness' of the animal I'd say that's pretty significant. You'll also notice the deaths occur in all months of the year. To me, that means it is very unlikely that an animal strayed during a certain season (breeding, hunting, etc.). Keep in mind I did NOT include the confirmed track and photo sightings. This is for the following reasons...
  1. Game and Parks will tell you the tracks could easily have belonged to one of the animals listed above. While I am fully aware that lions have large ranges and can travel long distances, some of the sightings just don't match up logically with any of the deaths.
  2. Game and Parks will not confirm a sighting without photographic or physical proof. Matter of fact, if you call to report a sighting... they will deny it. They will NOT investigate it. They will tell you it is impossible. They will tell you that you saw a housecat!
  3. I would not be able to figure in all the sightings I know of. The mountain lion that my neighbor chased down the road barefoot. The mountain lion my mother saw drinking from the mill. The one that walked up our driveway in broad daylight. The tracks my father saw by our gas pumps. The one that blockaded a woman in her car. The mother with cubs that a hunter saw walking across a ridge. The one I saw hunting the neighbor's tabby cat. As a matter of fact... the sightings map does not even show any confirmed sightings in the area I grew up in.

So here are my thoughts...

In 27 years living in the state of Nebraska,

  • I've seen 2 beaver... thought G&P say they are abundant statewide.
  • I've seen about 6 bobcat... another abundant animal.
  • I've never seen a mink... again very common
  • Never seen a muskrat... common
  • I've seen maybe 3 opposum... very common
  • Never seen a river otter... common

I have however seen plenty of coyotes, skunks, porcipines, badgers, raccoons, eagles, cranes, rabbits, prairie dogs, deer, snakes, etc.

I will not confirm that the strange animal I saw on the side of the road going 60 mph at night was a mountain lion. However, on at least two occasions I have seen the large tawny catlike figure with the long swishy tail. On at least two occasions I have seen this UNCONFIRMED animal in broad daylight at a near enough distance to compare the height of the animal to his surroundings. On at least two occasions I have watched the animal walk stealthily through open terrain with an unobstructed view. These two occassions took place in two destinctly different areas of the state.

Therefore, using my own logic (which G&P clearly lacks) I have no choice but to ASSUME that these animals are about as common in the state as the other 'elusive but common' animals I have NOT seen in my life. And frankly, the same thing goes for bears!!


FYI: In 2003 the ex-idiot and I were out driving in the country. As he was pointing out famiiar landmarks in the area of Kansas we would be moving to. Stopping near a farm house, something in the field caught our eye. What we saw off in the distance was a large BLACK cat like form walking along the edge of the field. We watched it for a full minute, maybe two before it ducked into the treeline. While the distance was far enough to make you question your eyes, it was close enough to see the sleak feline form and swishing tail. It was close enough that he thought about taking a shot at it (because everyone would say we were crazy right?) I'd totally forgotten about the event until I started writing this post. And as my curiousity struck me, I thought I'd look up what a black panther was and where they lived.

So as I read throught the information, I find it's really just a pigment disorder that occurs in leopards, jaguars, and other cats. So I'm thinking... "Couldn't be what we saw... because those things don't even live close." And I was just about to write the whole thing off until I read this...

There are no authenticated cases of truly melanistic cougars. Black cougars have been reported in Kentucky and in the Carolinas. There have also been reports of glossy black cougars from Kansas, Texas and eastern Nebraska. These have come to be known as the North American black panther. None have ever been photographed or shot in the wild and none have been bred. There is wide consensus among reeders and biologists that the animal does not exist and is a cryptid. Sightings are currently attributed to errors in species identification by non-experts, and by the memetic exaggeration of size.

Anyone else find it very coincidental that I happened to see this creature in one of the 5 states they have been reported in? Right... because I really had no idea. If he hadn't seen the exact same thing and if we hadn't been able to watch it long enough to really contemplate our sanity, I'd think I was crazy! And then I find out I'm not the only one who's seen one in Kansas! Yeah... now I'm convinced and I don't care what those BIOLOGISTS say! It's a real animal and I've seen it.

So someone better be stepping forward to tell me about their pet unicorn before I get any crazier!

Read more ...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Farmer*s Wife

You know how everyone does Meme's? Well, leave it to Farmer*s Wife to throw a loophole into that mess!! She's soooo selfish she thinks she needs a HERHER. And since I haven't known her very long, I'm going to have to pull out the clift notes and cheat off the kid sitting next to me... Or maybe, I'll just WING IT!!

Farmer*s Wife's HERHER:
1) What is my total personal outlook?
-- Well... let's see... you're a Farmer's wife... and being a Farmer's daughter (OH SHUT UP!! Farmer's daughters can grow up to be princesses!! They told me I could be ANYTHING!! Stop trying to burst my bubble!!) Anyway... back to FW... I think I've got this one.
Outlook #1 - Not enough rain...
Outlook #2 - Too much rain...
Outlook #3 - Turn the pivots on...
Outlook #4 - Turn the pivots off...
Outlook #5 - Drive the tractor...
Outlook #6 - FIX the tractor...
Outlook #7 - Watch the weather channel...
Outlook #8 - Cuss the weather man...
Outlook #9 - Check the market values...
Outlook #10 - Call the insurance agent and ask if it'll cover you if you accidentally drop a lit match!!
I think that about covers farm life. Of course if livestock is involved, we could add a few more outlooks to that picture!!

2) What's my fallicy?
Fallicy? Is that anything close to phalic? Because, phalic I know... but I think it would be rude to talk about FW's personal life like that!

3) What's my favorite thing?
Me of course... wait... I'm not a THING! Okay... well then... my BLOG!! Hands down, I'm definately her favorite!! BE JEALOUS!!!

4) What's my favorite drink? (this one can be tricky)
Frankly, that depends on the weather. Because if you've been working in the fields for 10 hours in 104 degree heat, there's nothing better than a tall glass of ice cold water (though I was always partial to water straight from the mills)... However, if you've had crops rotting on rain soaked fields after you spent the entire growing season in a drought... Then I recommend a tall glass of Jack Daniels!!

5) What drives me nutty to bleeeeep-ville?
I don't care what she SAYS is driving her nutty... I'm telling you right now... it's the farming!! It can't be helped... farming will make you psychiotic!!

6) What's my favorite replacement term?
Well, I dunno which is her favorite... but I've definately got another one for her to add to her list... See You Next Tuesday!!
Let me see if I can clarify it...

7) What's my favorite curse, that you've notice I use, but not the same as #6?
See above response because I think she'll pee when she reads that one!!!

8) What do you know about me that I don't?
You left your underwear in the tractor!!

9) What should I know about myself that would help me improve upon myself?
Next time he asks you to come check irrigation pipe at sundown, take the hint and don't wear your underwear!!

10) What should I know about myself that you think I shouldn't change?
You're a good Mommie!! Of course I don't know that for a fact... you might be like me and duct tape your child so you can sleep... but if you do, you don't blog about it. And every Mommie needs to hear that they are a good Mommie now and then. Even if they already know it. Besides, even threatening their small lives won't get them to make cute faces for pictures... I know... I've tried!!

11) What, should I know about you....that I could thrive on and make each day happier for you?
Send money!! Or wine!! Or chocolate!! Or you could just keep commenting because you crack me up!!

12) What is your favorite thing...about, Farmer*sWife's blog?
My award of course!! I mean... I'm just selfish like that!!

Feel free to share the love and answer the questions about me!! But you are definately NOT obligated because... well... frankly... I'm afraid of your responses!! Read more ...


Okay, for all my commenters, you should know all you have to do to get a personalized award from me is leave me a comment. I love comments!!

So the following commenters have requested their awards:

Farmer*s Wife

Queen of No Man's Land

And here they are!!

I think I got the color's matched okay. If they aren't right after you put them up, leave them up and let me know. I'll be able to go to your blog and see how close my color match is and how much I need to adjust.

Instructions for adding your award:
1. Right click on your award and save the picture
2. In Blogger Layout... Add an element.
** Add a picture
3. Upload the picture (I don't think they need shrunk b/c they're designed for the sidebar)
4. Before you Save the picture, add my link into the link box
5. Save & position on your layout :)

This should make it so clicking the picture links back to my site.
This is a generic award. I have plans to make "special" awards later. Maybe you'll visit more often if I PIMP myself out better. But it's been a hectic week so we'll see how the weekend goes!!
Read more ...

Monday, October 13, 2008

Stay Tuned!!

In light of the gremlin attack, I figured it was as good a time as any to remodel the place. So stop back later to see the new changes!!


Update #1:
In case you were curious...
...The image on the right <----- (lol) contains 124 hand drawn pieces.
...The 'choppiness' in the pictures is caused by transferring the pictures from Publisher to Paint in order to get an image format. I don't have any fancy programs so this is the best way I know to create my images.

Update #2:
That's right... blog rolls are up and running again with ALL of your websites!!
...Not on my blog roll? Want to be? All you have to do is leave a comment!!

Update #3
Let me know your background color and I'll make you your very own Royal Award.

Update #4
Don't forget to look over there and have a good laugh at what the Fairy Godmother is doing!!

Update #5
Okay, I think I'm finally satisfied... Hope Farmer*s Wife likes the new castle theme!! Read more ...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

October is...

National Lupus Erythematosus Awareness Month
  • My oldest sister was diagnosed with Lupus when she was a teenager. She is a wonderful woman and the mother of my beautiful neice and nephew! Lupus is an autoimmune disease where the body's immune system attacks itself causing inflamation and other complications. Though seldom fatal in modern times, there is no cure and patients can only be treated symptomatically.

National Infertility Awareness Month

  • My cousin and her husband have struggled with fertility issues for years. All she wanted in the whole world was to be a mother before she turned 30. When 30 came and went, they began the process to adopt a child. Amazingly enough, she is now pregnant and everything is going well. Seems nature just didn't have the same timeline she did.

Healthy Lung Month

  • I was raised in a family of smokers. And while most of us have tried unsuccessfully to quit smoking, we all agree that it is a bad habit and encourage others not to make the same mistakes we did. My father, the only one who has been able to quit smoking, suffers from Emphysema and is reliant on an oxygen machine.

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

  • Cancer of all types runs rampid in my family. We just recently suffered our first loss. Get regular physicals and perform breast and skin exams regularly!
Read more ...

Saturday, October 11, 2008

See that bullshit?

<--------------------- Yeah, look over there!!

That's right... The Bloggerville Gremlins have escaped and they ate my blog rolls!! That's fucking right!! They ATE THEM!!

I'm buying a fucking gun... then... I'm going to step out on the castle lawn and shoot the fucking loch ness monster living in my moat because clearly it isn't doing it's job!! Slacker anyway!!

So... if anyone has a good gremlin eating monster they'd like to get rid of, I'm in desperate need on one. And while I WILL take the time to go back through all my comments to add you all back into my blogrolls... if you have an urge to make my life easier you could leave me a NEW comment. (Right, I deleted all my links just so I could pimp some comments out of you... NOT!!)

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons... for you are CRUNCHY and TASTE good with ketchup!!

That's just how I feel after this discovery. And yes, I'd settle for a dragon... if you have one lying around taking up space, let me know!! Read more ...

Friday, October 10, 2008

Homeschooling vs. Public Schools

Just one more concern for a Real Life Fairy Tale Princess to consider for the next 5 years.,113776

You'd think there'd be bigger issues to be concerned about? Like... oh, I don't know... MATH... SCIENCE... maybe learning to READ? Then again... what do I know? Read more ...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

I need someone braver than me!!

Looking through Mr. Lady's recipe entries (see previous post b/c I'm too lazy to recopy the link) I stumbled upon THIS.

And all I could say was OH MY GOD!!! Seriously... you see that ingredient?

That's right... while I totally trust that she would not feed something totally disgusting over and over again... and then share the recipe. I do not know her. For all I know, this is her sick idea of a mass blog-reader joke. Maybe she was left a mean comment and now she's sitting at her desk in depends just waiting for that person to view the recipe and try it. Maybe, she's secretly snickering throughout her days and wringing he hands in excitement just waiting for someone to scream "AHHHHHH!!!!" Maybe this is her little drop of sunshine on a really crappy day. I can't say for sure because I just stumbled upon her today.

So seriously, someone with a stronger stomach than me needs to go try this recipe. Then come back to tell me if it's real... or a hoax. That's right... YOU, dear reader, just became the guinea pig. Congratulations!! Read more ...

Disney Oversight #5


And tragically, there is a rarely mentioned disease from which I suffer... it's called KITCHENITIS!! That's right... I'm severly allergic to kitchens!! I break out in hives, chapped hands, suds-covered clothing, shortness of breath, and start seeing spots. Prolonged exposure to the kitchen area causes me to break out in a severe case of taurets (sp?) that would make a sailor blush! I have no doubt that if I did not take the proper precautions to exit he kitchen as quickly as possible, anaphalactic (sp?) shock would soon follow!!

That being said, I'd like to point out one misconception... I CAN COOK!! However... I hate it so much, I rarely allow Prince Charming the satisfaction of this wonder. He has been known to break out the video camera just to prove I do go in the kitchen. I believe the last time he did this, he asked "Are you okay?" To which I quickly responded with, "No, I can feel my nipples chafing!" And as if it isn't funny enough the first time, try stumbling across that video on your computer hard drive 3 months later. Clean up in office supplies please!!!

It should be very clear to you by now that if you find a frilly apron in my home, it should be folded neatly in the lingerie drawer!!

HOWEVER, in honor of Mr. Lady's Holiday Recipe contest I am going to post my favorite recipe to make. Notice, I said favorite to MAKE. That is code for "this is so flipping easy ANYONE can do it." Granted, it does involve my second least favorite kitchen activity (the #1 least favorite is dishes) and that is sticking my hands into raw meat. Despite that, the torment is brief and the satisfaction is worth it.

So here's the recipe:

1 cup water
1/4 cup beef gravy
2 lbs ground beef
1 pkg Stovetop
2 eggs beaten

Preheat over to 400 degrees
Mix ingrediants
Shape into 4 loaves on foil-covered baking sheet
Bake 30 minutes or until cooked through

Serve up with some mash potatoes and extra gravy and you've got a quick, easy meal!!

We usually cut the recipe in half and add 10-15 minutes to the cook time b/c I'm a WELL DONE girl when it comes to hamburger. Sometimes, in a bind (i.e. no canned gravy) we substitute sour cream for the gravy and it turns out well. We NEVER have leftovers (and that is definately a rarity in this house)

I've fed this to family and friends (without killing them) and I've shared it with others. Everyone who has tried it loves it and it's so easy it's just sickening. Read more ...
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