Visit the New Site

Like I mentioned before (I think)... in order to fix some of the codex problems that have come with the many layout changes here... I had to change the site address.  Please be sure to update your links to heretherebedreams.blogspot.com as I will eventually stop updating on this site.

Also, readers seem to come and go with time (an blog-lapses)... so in order to get on the new blogroll please visit the new site HERE and leave a comment.  While you will remain on the blogroll here... Only those loyal (aka. bored) enough to journey to the new palace will have a spot on the new blogroll.

I *HEART* you all dearly and hope you will visit me once again.

NEW POST:

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If You Are Reading This...

You know that I have not died... only caved under the pressures of life.

But much too your enjoyment (or if you're related to me... dismay!)

I have plans to be back in full force... soon... I think...

And in honor of that... I totally didn't listen to any of you and created a whole new idea for a blog design. I think you'll like it! (I hope you like it)

I tried to add a picture to show just what I'm talking about... but blogger doesn't like my "YOU LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE" internet speed... so pictures will come another day when it isn't almost 3 in the morning.

Oh... so you want to see it do you?

I'd ask you to beg... but I think you've waited patiently long enough.

But you have to keep in mind that it's not completely finished. I have some awesome plans for new additions on the blog-palace!

Check it out... and leave a comment so I make sure you get into the new blogroll!! (you can do it... even if it's just *flipping you the middle finger*... I can accept that!... but comment so I can flip you one in return!)

http://heretherebedreams.blogspot.com/

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VOTE on new design!!

*Warning... it's 2 am... I've spent 3 weeks trying to find/being out bid/falling in love/getting the contract on a house/getting nervous because the move will involve changing jobs. So after I read this, I noted several typos... deal with it. I've fixed what I remembered seeing, but I know there are more. You're intelligent individuals and I have no doubt you can decipher my meaning. I promise to be more diligent in the future, but tonight, my give a d*** is busted!

So... with the folks moving to the kingdom on Tuesday and having jumped for joy at the fact that our offer was accepted Friday on "The Princess's Dream Palace" in the middle of Who The Hell Lives in Bum F*** Egypt? Nowhere!! (see me jumping for joy?!?!) The whole blogger world is put on hold.

But that's just an excuse. The truth is... I've had the new blog palace near completion for a week now. The problem is... I'm indecisive!! (Give me a break!! I was saving all my decisiveness for the house-buying procedure and now I'm sapped!)

So here's your chance. I know... I've totally slacked off on blogging and you've all lost total and utter faith in me (i.e. I've been replaced by the cute blond down the street!)

BUT... I'm hoping that not all my readers have packed there shit and kicked the dog on the way out the door totally abandoned me.

Because I now call upon you to summon the strength I do not have...

Pick the new header (and therefore the entire design of the new site!)

If you do not accept this challenge... or if there is a need for a tie breaker... I am simply going to feed the Ogre Child some chocolate and hand her a page with all three options. Whichever is covered in the most chocolate by the time she gets bored will be the winner.

So here are the entries:

The Original
This was the first full length header I created for THIS site. The background color for the page could be
A) Dark Blue (shown)
B) Burgundy (the darker red in the left side)
C) Orange (behind the castle)
D) Chocolate (The shirt)
E) Cream (the crown/text)


The Beach
This header is the result of Summer Fever and thinking about sandcastles and tequila sunrises. The background colors could be:
A) teal/aqua (like the ocean)
B) grey (like the sky)
C) orange (like the drink/blanket)
D) sand (ummm... like the sand?)


Last but not least
Disney Castle
This came about when I was searching castle pictures. It's a more cheery/colorful/make you puke "happy" header. The background colors could be:
A) Pastel Blue (do I need to describe it?)
B) Pastel Pink (again, where did I come up with this color?)
C) Pastel Yellow (I'm just grabbing at straws here)
D) Red (there's some in the flags and roses, but it does hurt most people's eyes)
E) Purple (Castle tops)
F) Green (there's grass down there)


So your mission is to leave a comment with your favorite header. I'd even accept "I hate them all, create something new!" And for extra credit... you make a background suggestion.

The header with the most votes will be found on the new site VERY SOON if I get my sh** together If there is a definite winner on background color, I'll do my best to make the color work... but I have the final say on that because sometimes they just don't look nearly as nice as you think they will.

What do you get for your valued opinions?
(i.e. How do I get you to tell me what you think?)

Why I'm bribing you of course!!

Here's the deal...

If less than 10 people comment/vote...

• I will create a custom "I Voted" badge to post to your pages.

If at least 10 people comment/vote...

• I will have the Ogre Child draw three names from a hat and award them a custom designed link badge for their website. I'll even install it if need be (sign in information required for installation)

If at least 25 people comment/vote...

• I will award 1 lucky winner a custom designed header or stationary background design.
• Plus 3 others will still receive a link badge.

If you rock my world and make this the most popular post with 50 comment/votes...

• I will give a Grand Prize of either the custom header, or a gift basket of random surprise goodies (guaranteed to include some type of chocolate).
• I will give the remaining header/basket (whichever isn't picked) to a 2nd place
• Plus the 3 badges.

Want more treats?

• Blog this with a link for an extra entry (you must vote first and you must tell me you blogged it) -- after all... we want to hit that 50 mark!!

Stipulations?

• No more than 2 comments/blogger (one for the vote, one mentioning a blog post) will be counted to the comment/vote count. You know I have to put it in there so you silly fruit loops don't do this...
• "I"
• "think"
• "you"
• "should"
• "use"
• "the"
• "Beach"
• "header"
• "with"
• "a"
• "sand"
• "background"
• "and"
• "I"
• "blogged"
• "about"
• "it"
• "I"
• "want"
• "the"
• "gift"
• "basket"
• "thanks"

You know who you are *wink*

So get to voting... and send your friends to vote so I can mail someone a gift basket!!

Loves!!

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I haven't forgotten you

Bear with me bloggies.

I have not been too drunk to blog forsaken you.

There is a greater plan in motion.

For those of you who dare to stay with me through this lapse in blogging, I think you will find a fabulous surpirse lies just down the road.

I am in the process of remodeling the castle.

When I get my poop in a group the remodel is completed to my satisfaction, I will post a link to my new site (sorry, there are glitches on this one that for the life of me I cannot repair.)

The new site will include:

• navigation menus
• interesting and fun pages for your entertainment
• a guest book (for those of you too busy to comment regularly)
• links to tutorials
• past posts from a previous blog that you may (or may not) be aware of
• a spectacular new layout
• and many more entertaining items

I must say, I believe I am pushing Blogger to it's limits. Since I am clearly inept do not understand the concept of CSS, this is a very complicated process for me. However, I believe that you will find yourself in awe and amazement it is all well worth the wait.

Again, bear with me bloggies. I want to complete this project before we get hot and heavy into moving The Queen, purchasing our own home and the return of the school year. The process has hit a few bumps in the road because I have a short attention span and am easily distracted by shiny objects the contractors are idiots.

Best Blogging to the Bloggies!

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Gimme a Break!!

It's the last productive week of school. (Whoever thought it would be brilliant to come back to school for 2 days after Memorial Day should have their teeth kicked in!) Needless to say, "busy as a bee" will not even begin to describe it. So please excuse the lapse in blogisms while I try to keep from pulling all of my hair out attempt to assure the education of future generations.

Last week I tried to hide under my desk to skirt my duties finished purchase orders for the classroom (huge thanks to co-workers who can spend an extra $100 in record time and others who can type up the forms when I'm totally tired of shopping on company funds!)

Next weekend, we're throwing B-day party #2 at the bowling alley. Thankfully, that's Prince Charming's baby and I don't have to do SHIT!

Have I mentioned I'm behind on housework and every other household duty? Please don't look under my bed.

So forgive me for this horrible neglect to my blog. I'll be busy reminding myself not to have more children trying to help 5 kids pass Geometry, 3 pass English, 2 pass Art, and kicking the asses of 15 others hoping that everyone else will at least get through to their next grade level.

Bear with me. Summer drinking fun is coming soon and I'll definately have some great tales to tell!

Sun, Rays and Passing Grades!!

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In case you thought I was lying!!

Coconut Bra & Hula skirt to wear to your 40-yr-old Uncle's wedding... $10
Roll of film to catch that priceless moment... $2
Developing the photo of his beet red face... $0.50
Having him get revenge at YOUR wedding 5-years later!!!

PRICELESS!!**

I knew you would never believe that Uncle Auto Fucktard was really in no position to be snubbing me at the wedding... so I stole the proof from my cousin (just in case he has the negatives destroyed!)

((Of course I covered his face to accentuate the obvious to protect his true identity.))

As if it wouldn't be scary enough to be the bride when THIS guy walks into your ceremony.

Imagine the horror to find out THIS is what he's wearing!!!

And if you're curious... THIS is how the bride and groom react when he flashes them as they exit the ceremony!!

Now... if you're NOT married, you need to pick up your phone NOW and call to apologize for anything you may have done to ever embarass your family.

If you ARE married (not to my family), call your relatives and thank them for NOT being WIERDOS!!

**And in case you were wondering... yes... she did (only because it was too expensive to find a trailer full of flying pigs!)... so I guess she so deserved it!!

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I ♥ Faces -- Week 17:Hats

Useless piece of information about me you were dying to knowI LOVE HATS!!

Big swooshy sun hats, little berets, cute caps... you name it!I think it's because they cover my perpetually bad hair LIFE they remind me of crowns. And we all know how I love all things crown-like!! C'mon, what do you expect from a PRINCESS?!?!

This week at I ♥ Faces the theme is... you guessed it geniuses I tell you! HATS!!

So I felt it very important to show off my FAVORITE hat! It's a fabulous pink with a gold band. Very crown-like if you ask me which you didn't, but I don't care I know it's a bit washed out, but what's a girl to do with a cheap camera and 3AM bathroom lighting? So here's my adult entry --The O.C. wanted to post her own entry (because Mommie might screw up the story) so don't forget to check her rock star look if you haven't already!! --

Go on over and check out other people's hats at I ♥ Faces. I'm so going to stalk them so I can steal their hats for myself drool over the variety of hats they're showing off.

P.S. To all the fabulous visitors who commented on my last entry... I have so added a special blog roll just for you. So don't be surprised if you find me lurking around trying decide if I want to permanently stalk you!!

NEED A SUPER LAUGH? DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT THE PICS IN MY NEXT POST!!

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May Day! May Day!

Okay, I think I'm finally sober enough feeling well enough to post. I know you are all just dying to know how my week went!! You didn't think the Queen was telling the truth did you? tattle tale

Last Friday I looked at a house for the Queen and Dad. It's a pretty cool house and in case she hasn't noticed yet, I thought I'd mention the price has dropped. Needs some work, but definitely doable (the house, not my MOM!)

After that, I paid all the past due bills. Last thing I wanted was to get stuck out of the state with no insurance and no cell phone only to come home to no electricity. Definitely would have put me in a sour mood.

Then, we loaded up the chariot and headed North to our motel. All appeared to be going well, until the INFESTATION!! That's right... the hotel put my parents in an ANT INFESTED ROOM (and they knew it!!) Go figure the whole hotel was filled. PC and I were willing to move upstairs to let the folks have our room. Just as we made this decision we noticed that our room was ALSO INFESTED!!

How fast can you say refund? Just ask the man at the check-in counter. It took about 36 seconds for me to get rooms at the neighboring motel.

The perk? The rooms were $7 cheaper per night and the pool was 10 degrees warmer! PROPS!! The best part is I could not for the life of me figure out why the cashiers at both motels were acting so meek and overly-cooperative. I wasn't being pissy or disgruntled, and yet they acted as if I had potential to become so. It did not dawn on me until I looked in the mirror of our new motel room. I was wearing my new pink t-shirt. Across the front of it, it says:

I'M A BITCH.

What's your excuse?

On another note... PC and I went out for a nice dinner... some place called "Misty's". Fancy smancy shit. We got Crab patties (delicious). Salad and Clam Chowder (yum yum!). PC got King Crab (MMmmmm) and I got rotten crab pussy on pasta Crab Asiago!! *vomits in the waitress's shoe* WTF is that shit?!?! ASS? It smelled bad. It looked bad. And... you guessed it... It tasted like crap!! Not exaggerating here... I made PC try it. The instant it hit his tongue he gagged and spit it on a plate (totally NOT like him!). I asked if I should be polite and he replied, "Hell NO! You ask her what is in it so you never risk tasting that again!" I'd have asked for a refund but the stench was clouding my senses.

On Saturday, the wedding was (of course) beautiful... but I'm sort of biased! Couldn't help but giggle that flower girl #1 (groom's daughter) made it as far as her mother before freaking out in tears and FG #2 (bride's daughter) made it a third of the way down the aisle before becoming infatuated with her basket and stopped to play. It 1) was adorable, 2) proved "the best laid plans" and 3) reminded me why there's no point in sweating the small stuff.

The reception was great. The guest list is a whole different story At least it was for about 65 minutes after that the drinks kicked in and then I have no clue

Drink #1

I purchased my first drink when I assessed the company I'd be spending 4 hours among while they cut the cake. After being totally SNUBBED by Uncle Auto a man in a coconut bra really shouldn't act "better" than others that drink didn't last long.

Drink #2

I recall telling Cousin Happily Divorced that he was getting old if I was beating him to the second drink! After this, I got the nerve to go talk to relatives who were sitting with EX-relatives. (I admit, I was intentionally being an ass).

Drink #3

I clearly remember Cousin Happily Divorced buying me another drink to celebrate his recent divorce since I'm the only one in HIS family that can happily relate to that. After this drink, I made a point of actually SPEAKING to the Queen's EX-father. I grinned to myself at the fact that I intentionally called him "Dick" over and over again (are you sure your name's Richard? Because you look like a Dick to me!)

Drink #4.5

I vaguely recall PC returning to the table with two drinks. One of which he gave to me and the other he used to refill my cup when I wasn't looking. I am NOT paranoid! At some point after this they kidnapped the bride for a ransom. To which I told her father "They don't know this family to well. We don't NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!!"

Drink #5 (aka Drink #7)

I ordered one last drink before we left. I swear it was #5, but my relatives were determined that it was closer to #7. What do those drunks know? It's not like my cousin was holding me up. I didn't fall out the front door of the reception hall. I DID find myself intentionally talking to people I hate. But I was still sober enough to walk away telling my cousin "I even hate these people when I'm drunk."

I personally find it hilarious that they are now all scratching their balls heads trying to decide whether I like them or am a hateful bitch. Plus, the one person who wouldn't talk to me (Uncle Auto) looks like a total ass because I made a point of telling them how everyone had spoken to me nicely except him. I think some people there will chalk my "friendliness" up to my mother being the problem. Other's will chalk it up to my drunkenness. But in all honestly, I was barely more than tipsy all night. I talked to everyone for the following reasons:

• I wanted to make the bride happy. It was her day.
• I wanted to fuck with their brains.
• I was taking a survey of "Who's a Total Fuckhead in my Family?" (They're still all fuckheads, but Uncle Auto is the only TOTAL FUCKHEAD!)
• It was win-win for me. Those who WISH I liked them got fooled. Those who WISH I wouldn't speak to them were uncomfortable. And those who I LOVE were happy that I put forth an effort.

Needless to say, Mission Accomplished!

In case you are curious, my flavor of the evening was Crown and Coke in 12 oz. glasses wonderfully mixed.

Props to me because my entire 2009 alcohol consumption (pre-reception) has consisted of 1 Pina Colada on my birthday. And one bottle of Bud 4 weeks ago. I'm such a LUSH! This many drinks in one night four hours SHOULD have kicked my ass. Fortunately, I am blessed to only get hangovers from one night stands beer and despite being up every hour with a sick kiddo, I was smiling at breakfast at 7:45. (Please note I get bonus points for being up before my two habitually drunk male cousins despite holding my own against their drinking prowess!)

All in all... Saturday was great! Unfortunately, the OC caught a cold which she happily shared with the rest of the family. So PC and I were sick Sunday and Monday. Tuesday was uneventful as I worked and napped. Wednesday I vegetated on an extra day off. Thursday was a blur. And here we are at Friday already (now Saturday morning). The week has breezed by and I have accomplished absolutely NADA... (unless you count my reception havoc)

Here's wishing you all a wonderful blog-er-ific weekend. I'll see if I can catch up with you all and get back into the swing of things. In the event that I can't, please make a note of the ticker ticking away in the top right corner of my blog. I may be busy next week!

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An Important Announcement

Dear Bloggie,

While we at the offices of Blog and Blog Some More are happy to provide you with endless amounts of entertainment and humor, it has come to our attention that desktop computers are not portable we will be forced to shut down this service temporarily.

Unfortunately, this is an unforseeable incident, as no one knew that people in my family still valued the sanctity of marriage that we would be unable to service this blog for a couple of days.

We hope that you as valued readers will continue to check in over the course of the next 48 hours and make your usual smart assed remarks contributions.

Service to this blog should be restored on Monday if our technicians sober up by then

Thank you for your valued time and have a wonderful weekend!!

Sincerely,

P.S. In case that was too cryptic for you... My cousin, Horse Before the Cart (aka More Like a Sister to Me than Anyone Else) is getting married on Saturday to a wonderful man (and his daughter). P.C. and I will happily make the rest of the family uncomfortable by our presence be attending and wishing her all the best because she's the only one of us that turned out halfway decent WE LOVE HER!!

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It's about time for another one?

What do you mean... another one?

oh... Oh... OH HELL NO!!

Have you people fallen off the sanity wagon and somehow slipped into complete madness?

Let me explain!

Wednesday - PAT says, "Awwww... she (the O.C.) is getting SOOO big!! It's about time for another one!" To which, P.C. boldy proclaimed (in a bluntness that made me want to crawl under our couch!) "Yep, as soon as we get a house bought I'm knocking her up!" Oh... yes... he said that!

Today - My boss, my co-worker, the teacher across the hall, and the nurse all said this exact same statement... "Awww... she's almost TWO! Time to have another one!!"

Plus... we all know where The Queen stands on this one... (she wanted another one about 1 year 364 days ago!)

What do I look like? You people's personal egg fridge? C'mon!!!

I can hear you... "Oh, you know you're just dying to have another one!"... SHUT UP!!

No... no... nononono... *throws self on floor in two-year-old tantrum fashion*

BUT I DON'T WANNNNNNNNNA!!!

Yes... I love the O.C.

Yes... I want more

However... there is this HUGE and RESOUNDINGLY tear-filled child in me that says the following:

1. I hate having to eat all the time (it involves far too much time in a kitchen)

2. I hate growing enormously fatter by the millisecond

3. I hate wearing MuMus

4. I hate the exhaustion of carrying an extra 40-some pounds around daily

5. I hate not being able to shave my legs once a month

6. I hate not being able to see if my shoes match

7. I hate having strep throat for 5 months straight

8. I hate having my tonsils checked THE HARD WAY every month

9. I hate having everyone under the sun checking out my hoohaw during delivery (like I'm a prize heifer)

10. I hate "You're looking very pregnant!"

11. I hate puking at random intervals for no apparent reason

12. I hate swollen feet, aching backs, and heartburn.

13. I hate feet in my liver

14. I hate not sleeping on my stomach

15. I hate everything about the 6 weeks post-prego

16. I hate being puked on bi-hourly

17. I hate being pooped on

18. I hate poop

19. I hate absolutely every aspect from conception to about 4 months old!

That's right... I'm a miserable, bitchy, unholy Anti-Christ of a Pregnant COW!

That being said, the next person who offers me up as a baby factory will be handed an application to be a surrogate and nanny!

P.S. Unfortunately, since there is a limited number of broke crack-whores around here willing to give up their welfare checks children, I will probably be stuck carrying our next child. I will however stage a serious protest and may even stand on the front lawn with a sign that says, "HELL NO! WON'T PREGO!!"

And no... there's no date set YET! I'm still religiously sucking down little colored pills from the round disc... if I thought it'd be more effective, I'd take them two at a time!

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A Day at the Circus!

No! I did NOT visit my relatives! We really DID go to the circus!

So, the very first thing was the juggler! 15-years old and he was awesome! But I kept wondering how many broken lamps I'd have when P.C. tried to do some of those tricks in my livingroom!

Next, was the trapeze girl (age10)! Hanging upside down doing tricks from a hoop to the song... you'll never believe this... "Barbie girl!" My pedaphile alarm went on full alert as I search the stands for creepy guys sitting alone without children! GROSS!! Great act... but GROSS!! For those of you scratching your heads... google "Barbie Girl lyrics" and you'll totally understand why I puked!

I was a bit concerned about the clown issue because (if you don't already know) I'm terrified of them. But in all honesty, I think he was 12 and I've see Rodeo clowns with better acts.

The chick (16?) hanging from the ribbon was really awesome if you disregard the fact that she's weighed 12 pounds soaking wet and did a mid-air split that made my crotch scream in pain!

Swing jumpers... yawn!

Hula hoop chick... oh yes... that was a hoola hoop... on her foot... above her head!!

Fire eaters were awesome!

Floor acrobats? pssh... watch gymnastics!

Magician was cool!

Sponge Bob Square Pants running out to the theme song and then leaving... O... M... G... It's a CULT of little singing children!! SCARY!!

Chinese dragon/dog costumes (2 people in each) doing tricks on a platform and a giant ball? AWESOME!! Why? Because seeing four people climp on a ball and roll it over a teeter totter is cool enough, but seeing them do the trick while dressed in giant dog costumes... AWESOME!

All in all we had a great time... but one question seriously plagues me...

"Who inforces the child labor laws?"

SERIOUS!! I think there were 3 adults in the circus! They claimed it was "The Perez Family" but... um... lets just say that Mr. Perez did not "father" those sorority-clone blond haired, fair-skinned, girls!

And someone please tell me why the fiber-optic glow stick was $12 dollars (needless to say we settled for a $2 blow up dolphin)? And why P.C. paid $2 for a 12 ounce can of soda? P.C. (aka The Human Calculator) said he was counting up estimated profits off the products he could see being sold ($2 for a balloon!) and he stopped counting at $10,000.

Hope you all had a wonderful day!!

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Have I done this one before?

"Mirror mirror on the door

Have I done this meme before?"

Well... the mirror might need to be taped back together is giving me the silent treatment. So if I have... it really doesn't matter because it'll be different today than any other time. You know me and my short attention span and my wide spectrum of interests!

So here goes the Meme (as seen today!)

1. Were you named after anyone?

Yeppers! I was named after the 11th letter in the alphabet! Don't believe me? Just ask the 10th letter... she suggested it. Much better name than what the 18th letter suggested!

2. When was the last time you cried?

Did you read the previous post? YESTERDAY! Okay, in my defense it wasn't really an outright CRY. It was more like a muffled scream LEAK! But yeah, there was a drip and I earned it!

3. Do you like your handwriting?

Why yes! I think this font is lovely!

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?

Salami. gag Okay... so it WAS my favorite before I O.D'ed on Salami sandwiches in the first 3 months I was pregnant with the O.C. Come to think of it... I don't really like lunch meat any more. Or Burger King (staple of my second trimester!) That might be the reason I packed on 48 several pounds while PG.

5. Do you have kids?

No! I have one toddling terrorist. But I'm convinced that Prince Charming must have cheated on me. If it weren't for the overwhelming evidence like the fact that my liver is now located to the left of my lung I might be able to believe she was someone else's kid

.

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

Instinctively I'd say "NO!" I'm not mean, spiteful, dramatic, or otherwise a bad friend. But I'm definitely WACKO! So, yeah... as soon as I'm done with this, I think I'll go reassess my friends because it just became evident to me that they are a bunch of WEIRDOS too!!

7. Do you use sarcasm?

I once tried not to say anything that was sarcastic. However, I learned I can't hold my breath for very long. After I regained consciousness, I decided there was nothing wrong with a healthy dose of sarcasm!

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

Well, I don't have a mirror handy but the Doctor's never told me I should fine a theft report so I have to assume they're still in there.

9. Would you bungee jump?

No. But I would greatly enjoy watching a few people try it with ropes that were about 10 feet too long!

10. What is your favorite cereal?

Honey-Nut Donut Seeds!!

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

That would be awkward! I'd look pretty silly trying to untie my flip flops, high heels, mules, clogs, crocs, and otherwise laceless shoes! Here's a better question... do shoes with laces feel superior to other shoes for the extra attention?

What happened to #12?

He was standing too close to #13! Very unlucky!

13. What is your favorite ice cream?

Ben & Jerry's Half Baked! brings back fond memories of burning the marijuana in the pastures Because who doesn't love pasting pint size cartons of ice cream, cookie dough and fudge brownie to the cheeks of their ass?

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Whether or not they are wearing clothes! Intelligence and Sense of Humor. I promise if you've ever spoke to me that I can tell in 60 second whether or not you have some type of intelligent thought process in your brain or whether you're a mindless clone of social expectations. I can also tell if you have any type of funny bone in your skeletal system. How do I know so quickly? If you're an ignorant amoeba, 60 seconds is plenty of time for me to say something that pisses you off. If you don't like my sense of humor, within 60 seconds you will either look at me like I've grown another head or you'll storm off mad!

15. Red or pink?

Have you talked to your doctor about this? It might be serious!

16. What is the least favorite thing about yourself?

My biological father.I'm pretty content with who I am. If I had to choose one thing, I'd say my boobs teeth.

17. Who do you miss the most?

Mom & Dad of course! 3 more days until we see them again!

18. Do you want everyone to complete this list?

Only if they're up to wasting some time and making me giggle!

19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?

For the next 15 minutes and 32 seconds I'll be wearing grey slacks and invisible shoes. After that I'm stripping naked I'm putting on my pajamas.

How many times do I have to tell these numbers to stay away from that #13. She's a bad seed!!

21. What are you listening to right now?

"Rocking Into the Night" by .38 Special with background accompaniment brought to you by Over the Hedge from the O.C.'s bedroom.

22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Take the whole box and microwave it!

23. Favorite smells?

Alfalfa and fresh rain. Is there such a smell as "unfresh rain"?

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

The Queen

25. Do you like the person who sent this to you?

Well, since she commented on my post and she doesn't seem to fall into the categories of Ignorant or Humorless... I'd have to say yes!

26. Favorite sports to watch?

You know that channel with the Japanese host and the translated commentary where they try to get through the obstacle course? Yeah!! LOVE IT!

27. Hair color?

Reddish blond.

27b. Colors it HAS been?

Black, Blackish-purple, Blackish-blue, Glow-in-the-dark green (you should know the glow-in-the-dark gel inside toys and badges smells very bad and cannot be easily washed out of your hair!)every shade of Blond, Hunter Orange, every shade of Red/Burgundy, and Hot Pink!

27c. Places you have died your hair!

*While cruisin' the strip *While shopping *In a department store bathroom *a Gas Station *a Hair Salon (duh right? WRONG! Let me explain. I did NOT hire them to dye my hair. I walked into their salon with a dye job already in the process and asked to use their sink because I was overdue for a rinse!)

28. Eye color?

Genetically Dominant Blue (look it up, blue is a recessive gene yet I have 5 blue-eyed siblings from 5 different dark-eyed mothers!)

29. Do you wear contacts?

When I'm in the mood to stab my eyes out with rusty nails put them in. But generally no.

30. Favorite food?

1/2-gallon of my Mom's goulash. Anything less than 1/2-gallon and it's just not worth sparking my appetite!

31. Scary movies or happy endings?

Apples and Oranges!! GEEZE!! A happy movie should end happy! A scary movie should end scary! And I don't mean the "grabs the ankle from the grave" make-me-yawn suspenseful scary! I mean, "you think they got away from the bad guys until the motorcycle stops on a well- lit highway and you realize they drove into a thin wire at 50MPH!" Yep! I'm a sicko!

32. Last movie you watched?

Haunting in Connecticut... and in my opinion... not that scary!

33. What color shirt are you wearing?

Grey with a yellow tartan print on it. Another $4.99 special at SEARS!

34. Summer or winter?

SUMMER! How dare you use such a horribly "W-word" in my presence!! You are officially off my Fav-5!!

35. Hugs or kisses?

Hugs... and for a very good reason. You can still hug a two-year old who has just munched down on a handful of OREOS!

OMG!! They got the #36 too!!! The HUMANITY!!

37. Most likely to respond?

The Queen

38. Least likely to respond?

The Queen

(I'd say my odds are 50/50 on this one!)

39. What book are you reading now?

Ahhh... now you're going to make me get up because I don't know the title. Honestly, I've had it for a week and haven't started it yet! It's called Secret Vampire by L.J. Smith.

40. What is on your mouse pad?

The name of my cable company! It's the only service they've offered that never malfunctions!

41. What did you watch on t.v. last night?

Scrubs

42. Favorite sounds?

Silence... I think... It's been so long I don't really remember!

43. Rolling Stones or Beatles?

Ummm... I'm gonna say... PURPLE!! Wrong genre, wrong generation!

44. What is the farthest you've been away from home?

Sandy beaches, somewhere in the Caribbean, with turquoise water and beautiful Cabana boys serving perfect cocktails. But then I woke up!!

45. Do you have a special talent?

Several... but currently, I'm more impressed with your attention span. If you're still reading you deserve an award!!

46 Where were you born?

I don't know because my space ship was destroyed in the crash! And The Queen couldn't afford didn't find a refrigerator box until I was 20.

47. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting back?

Whomever can make me laugh! Or is that "whoever"? Reason #327 why I can't teach English!

48. How did you meet your spouse/significant other?

Carpooling to work!

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Self Portrait #2 (An Afterthought)

I was so infatuated with the last picture I shared that I had to share more.
Pam D suggested I compile my self portraits and show them off.
So, I swooned skimmed through my masterpieces snapshots and threw together a collage of the magnificence that is me random shots. 25 to be exact! There's a couple neat ones in here to point out.

• 4th row down in the middle was taken just hours before I found out I was PG with the OC!
• The 5 red pictures (four corners and middle) were taken at 33 weeks prego when I was in desperate need of being convinced I hadn't magically transformed into a giant troll-like hippo overnight a wide load sign an epidural a tequila shot reassurance that Pregnant is still Beautiful!!
• Middle row, 4th column is the inspiration for this sites header.
• The oldest picture is bottom row, 2nd column. It's PRE-OC!

And just for good measure because I couldn't resist one more fabulous look at myself I thought I'd show off my new shirt. $4.99 at my favorite store (for those of you that don't know... that would be SEARS!) Unfortunately, since I'm utterly stunning in every way I ended up with a shot that showed off my boobs didn't show off my shirt. On the up side, it turned out to be a wonderful portrait. Glasses, no makeup, and worn all day hair!! DAMN I'M SEXY

And in case you needed more reason to famn over my fabulousness think this is a great picture...

This is after 3 hours sleep, 6 hours of pretending to work work, and an hour of having a neurologist electrocute and stab me (wish I could strike that part out)!!! Thus the new shirt... it's my reward for not screaming too loudly crying like a baby as I had needles poked in my muscles. I swear, the doctor literally said, "I like doing this test. I'd never let anyone do it to me, but I like doing it!" (NO JOKE!) At which point I called her a masochist and she laughed. It sounded strangely like "MUAHAHAHAHA!!"

I swear if the crazy Indian Anti-Christ woman had opened her caftan, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would have rode out in a plague of locusts! At least she had a sense of humor. How crappy would it be to get stabbed by an expressionless ass with no emotion?

So, while I spend the rest of my evening licking my wounds running around the house in nothing but my new shirt, I hope the rest of you had a better Monday than me.

NOTE: Good news is there is absolutely nothing wrong with me! Okay, well there are a lot of things WRONG with me... but nothing that can be diagnosed by MRI (I learned I'm not clausterphobic), EEG (Yes, there is actual brain function up there), EMG or blood work. Unfortunately, that still leaves me with what has now been labeled "benign twitching" all over my body. ANNOYING to say the very least!

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I ♥ Faces -- Week 15:Self Portrait

Call it simple narcissism... after all... I am a PRINCESS!! But I have been waiting FOREVER for this week's contest!Why?Because I'm absolutely obsessed with myself Because no one ever takes pictures of me and I don't own a tripod. Which means... I take it upon myself to boost my own ego. I have to take all of my own pictures at arms reach. AND... Since I totally love making myself look awesome. Since I like to change my profile pictures often, I have an entire folder full of "Self Portraits".So when it came right down to it...I was too busy staring at my own reflection to pick the best one.I had a difficult time choosing since there are so many.BUT...The rules won't let me plaster my beautiful self all over your computer screenI finally decided this one is FABULOUS!

The only alterations to this were cropping off an edge because no one wants to see my bathtub, increasing the lighting to erase a few imperfections and adding some warmth so it at least appears I have some pigment to my transparent flesh

It happens to be one of my favorites!

Go show off share your "Self Portrait" this week! I know you all have cameras so get to it!!P.S. Dear Queen... there's that picture of you in the front yard after you "fixed your haircut" and frankly, if you took it by hand... YOU SHOULD TOTALLY ENTER IT BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME!!

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Flash is AWESOME!!

See that thing ^^^^^ (I hope it loads for you!)

It's my new toy! I actually made it as a new header, but it's way too much work right now to set the whole thing up... but seriously... play around with it... it's awesome. You can click the OC or Queen to go to their sites. I'm going to have a blast with this new toy. I had to shrink it for now b/c like I said... too much work to set it all up tonight.

So let me know if it works. Let me know if you like it or hate it. Check out their site and play around. You won't be able to make one this small unless you know a bit of html to shrink the height and width... but seriously... check it out and let me know what you think.

Nighty nite!

P.S. I soooo didn't go to bed like I should. I was too excited playing with the new toy. So go check out what I made... I plan to do more with this in the future! Let me know what you think!! It's early morning now... I'm going to bed.

CHECK IT OUT WHILE I'M SLEEPING

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For the Queen

Okay... since you deleted your follower widget I was worried b/c you can't get followers now.

So here's what you do...

1. Take this Button and save to your computer.
2. Add the followers back on
3. Log out
4. Go to your page (logged out)
5. Click Follow (as if you wanted to follow yourself)
6. Copy the link for the window that opens.
7. Log back in.
8. Add the button image as a picture. Link it to the "copied link".
9. Save

That should work. If not, it was worth a shot!

Loves and g'nite!

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Happy After Easter!!

According to the package... The proper serving size of these is 12 pieces. Each bag contains about 9 servings. Each serving contains 180 calories.

By my calculations, I CAN eat an entire bag of these!! I will only be consuming 1620 calories (the daily recommendation is 2000 right?)

I will only be getting three times my recommended Saturated Fats, 36% of my sodium, 72% of my carbs. Plus... there's no risk in overdosing on healthy vitamins like Calcium or Iron!!

As a bonus, I'll be getting ZERO cholesterol, 36% of my dietary fiber and 36 grams of protein... which in my book indicates these are GOOD FOR YOU!!

So... thank you very much CHRIS!! I'll be going to work tomorrow with mini-eggs glued to my butt!! I hope you have nightmares about PEEPS!!

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