Thursday, April 23, 2009

It's about time for another one?

What do you mean... another one?
oh... Oh... OH HELL NO!!
Have you people fallen off the sanity wagon and somehow slipped into complete madness?

Let me explain!
Wednesday - PAT says, "Awwww... she (the O.C.) is getting SOOO big!! It's about time for another one!" To which, P.C. boldy proclaimed (in a bluntness that made me want to crawl under our couch!) "Yep, as soon as we get a house bought I'm knocking her up!" Oh... yes... he said that!
Today - My boss, my co-worker, the teacher across the hall, and the nurse all said this exact same statement... "Awww... she's almost TWO! Time to have another one!!"
Plus... we all know where The Queen stands on this one... (she wanted another one about 1 year 364 days ago!)

What do I look like? You people's personal egg fridge? C'mon!!!

I can hear you... "Oh, you know you're just dying to have another one!"... SHUT UP!!

No... no... nononono... *throws self on floor in two-year-old tantrum fashion*

Yes... I love the O.C.
Yes... I want more
However... there is this HUGE and RESOUNDINGLY tear-filled child in me that says the following:

1. I hate having to eat all the time (it involves far too much time in a kitchen)
2. I hate growing enormously fatter by the millisecond
3. I hate wearing MuMus
4. I hate the exhaustion of carrying an extra 40-some pounds around daily
5. I hate not being able to shave my legs once a month
6. I hate not being able to see if my shoes match
7. I hate having strep throat for 5 months straight
8. I hate having my tonsils checked THE HARD WAY every month
9. I hate having everyone under the sun checking out my hoohaw during delivery (like I'm a prize heifer)
10. I hate "You're looking very pregnant!"
11. I hate puking at random intervals for no apparent reason
12. I hate swollen feet, aching backs, and heartburn.
13. I hate feet in my liver
14. I hate not sleeping on my stomach
15. I hate everything about the 6 weeks post-prego
16. I hate being puked on bi-hourly
17. I hate being pooped on
18. I hate poop
19. I hate absolutely every aspect from conception to about 4 months old!

That's right... I'm a miserable, bitchy, unholy Anti-Christ of a Pregnant COW!

That being said, the next person who offers me up as a baby factory will be handed an application to be a surrogate and nanny!

P.S. Unfortunately, since there is a limited number of broke crack-whores around here willing to give up their welfare checks children, I will probably be stuck carrying our next child. I will however stage a serious protest and may even stand on the front lawn with a sign that says, "HELL NO! WON'T PREGO!!"

And no... there's no date set YET! I'm still religiously sucking down little colored pills from the round disc... if I thought it'd be more effective, I'd take them two at a time!


The Queen said...

Yea well, if you have 6. I may get the baby blanket I started knitting for OC done for the last one.. no promises though...

Pam D said...

As the mother of an only, I have to vote "do it.. now!" I totally understand not lovin' the pregnancy part, but believe me, it's MUCH worse dealing with a lonely only (or, kids who are spaced too far apart to really "connect"). So pull up those big girl panties ... c'mon.. you can do it! (actually, I s'pose you need to take OFF those big girl panties... lol). :<)

Angela said...

You crack me up! I think people that love being pregnant are insane! I am right there with you but I would have to add....I don't feel like being cut hip to hip to yank the baby out then spend a month holding my belly when I cough or laugh b/c I fear my internal organs falling out of my c-section scar!!

MrsW said...

Where there is booze there's a way. I wouldn't have had No1 (aged 28) if I hadn't got him drunk and I wouldn't have had No2 (aged 29) if I hadn't got me drunk.

No3 (aged 38) was a sober planned occassion and all I can say is... see that 6 week recovery bit? It rises exponentially with every year.

Life with Kaishon said...

You are hilarious : ). Absolutely hilarious!

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