Who does she think she is?

On what planet do you pack up a crate full of alligators from your own private moat and mail them to your daughter without even telling her until that day? Do you know how fast alligator mail travels? Yeah!! Someone could lose a limb!

Oh... and who does she think she is?

Oh... I'm going to tear down my castle and because I'm such a DORK, I may accidentally create a volitile mixture out of a seemingly harmless batch of playdough! So if I make everything in a five block radius disappear, please duck and cover and find me at the Princess's house?

WTF?!?! Aw HELL NO!!

She should know better. I am a very patient person. I can nod and smile with the best of them while "You are a fucking dumbass!" repeats over and over in my head! However, if I had toleration for downright STUPIDITY, I could be an EMT! As it is, EMT would not be the best career for me to persue

(Awww... you were going 90? On a motorcycle? On gravel? Without a helmet?... hmmm... Well, I'm pretty sure I need to go give CPR to that tree over there... if you're still alive when the next EMT gets here, maybe they'll waste their time on you!)

So, MY MOTHER or not... if she blows her damn castle up, she better be calling your blogroll for a place to crash for the night. I'm not moving my furniture just so she can toss a blanket down on my sidebar!! I think not.

Also, I am looking to hire a substitute internet consultant because if she continues to design and redesign at a faster rate than she learns the procedures, I'm going to need a partner to field her questions. Maybe it would be cheaper to just hire a secretary to field the non-sense calls. It's a toss up! Maybe I need a whole field of workers... because someone has to make sure the O.C. gets to talk to Grandma... and someone needs to make sure all the "I love you" and "I'm sending money" messages get through to me. If we could just categorize the calls so that I get those really important ones and the rest of the "how to's" and "did you read's" could get outsourced to someone on my payroll. Volunteers are definately welcome!

Please send your resumes to ILoveBeingHerDaughter@LongHoursAndShittyPay.org

((HUGE HUGS MOM))

If your blog happens to be positioned anywhere near her blog, you may want to quickly hire a contractor to relocate you farther down the street... you never know what will happen when she gets her GROOVE on!!

Don't forget to check out the fabulous giveaways in the next two posts!!

Happy Wednesday!!