Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sunday Secret

I have an online account I check almost everyday whether I'm at home or at work. The password contains the word "FUCK" and I secretly smile each time I type it at work because sometimes that's exactly how I feel!
And to go along with Jill's Redneck Mommy I thought I too would confess.
You might be a redneck if...
  • You have ever spent the weekend creating a ring of beer bottles around a firepit.
  • You have ever been too hungover to create a float for the town parade.
  • You have ever carried a blow up doll through town to watch said parade.
  • You have ever sat on the roadside and thrown candy back at the floats in the parade.
  • You have ever returned to your campsite and hung the before mentioned blow up doll from a tree for being a hussy.
  • You have ever stolen a goose decoy and placed it on a road sign.
  • You have ever given directions that involved "Pass the giant golf ball, turn at the three poles, drive towards the funky tree."
  • You have ever spilled a giant jar of pennies on the floor of your car while slamming on the brakes to avoid hitting a tractor.
  • You have ever sent a child onto the roof of an outhouse to retrieve a 'birdie'
  • You have ever made a late night run across time zones to get alcohol after hours.
  • You have ever had a dog who wouldn't catch a ball... but would catch rocks!
  • You have ever floated down a river in a horse tank
  • You have ever gotten in a water fight using glass beer bottles while floating in said horse tank.
  • You have ever had to have drunk EMTs stop their floating horse tank to treat the injuries caused by broken beer bottles.
  • And last but not least... you might be a redneck if... you can identify a piece of a tractor by the sound it makes when your father throws it across the driveway!

I cannot claim title of REDNECK MOMMY as I have completed the rehab program (Step #1 - Storm out of Christmas screaming, "Get your ass in the truck I can't handle these assholes anymore!") and I am happily in remission. Unfortunately, like many addictions, I must be very careful to avoid any situation where I might lose my self control and relapse. For the sake of my child, please keep you redneck behavior to yourselves!


The Queen said...


Kelly Dawn said... crack me up woman...hey guess what? 4 days till i get to go see my man :)


Kelly Dawn said...

oh and you SO need to design me a template/background for my blog...cause you love me so...


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