Let me explain that the Ogre-Child has yet to learn the concept of sleeping PARALLEL to her parents. We have a King Size bed and most nights you will find that our sleeptime is brought to you by the letter "H". More often that not, you will find the Ogre-Chld passed out with her head jammed in Prince Charming's kidneys and her toes wedged somewhere between my liver and gall bladder. Needless to say that most nights I pray for five minutes of sleep in which the Ogre-Child is not trying to wiggle her way between my ribs or sleeping on my head.
However, last night I realized that in order for the Ogre-Child to sleep soundly, she must have at least one-square-inch of her flesh attached to mine. Unfortunately, in her unconscious state last night, she refused to remain close enough to me to maintain the proper sleep-required contact. Thus, she continued to wake in terror over and over again.
Luckily, The Real Life Fairy Tale Princess is very resourceful. At 6:30 this morning, the solution dawned on me. I went to the utility closet and got a roll of duct tape. I then returned to the bed and duct taped the Ogre-Child's foot to my back.
I will admit that there was a slight discomfort at first as she kicked and resisted the new material that restrained her to my body. However, after a few moments, the repetative kick felt very much like a rare Japanese back massage and I began to drift off to Dreamland quite pleased with my inovativeness. A few minutes later, the Ogre-Child wore herself out and slept through the morning soundly.
Of course there is one side effect to this method of sleep aide. At 6 in the morning, the thought never crossed my mind that I would have to remove the tape from the tender regions of my back while still in the grogy stupor of pre-coffee, pre-cigarette, pre-awareness!
But aside from the stinging, flame-red spot on my back it is a good morning.
Plus I get a good morning laugh watching the Ogre-Child wrestle in irritation with the piece of tape I left on her foot!!
Note: No Ogre-Children were harmed in the making of this post.