Friday, July 25, 2008

Fairy Tale Rule #2

Duct tape may be used as a sleep aide.

Let me explain that the Ogre-Child has yet to learn the concept of sleeping PARALLEL to her parents. We have a King Size bed and most nights you will find that our sleeptime is brought to you by the letter "H". More often that not, you will find the Ogre-Chld passed out with her head jammed in Prince Charming's kidneys and her toes wedged somewhere between my liver and gall bladder. Needless to say that most nights I pray for five minutes of sleep in which the Ogre-Child is not trying to wiggle her way between my ribs or sleeping on my head.

However, last night I realized that in order for the Ogre-Child to sleep soundly, she must have at least one-square-inch of her flesh attached to mine. Unfortunately, in her unconscious state last night, she refused to remain close enough to me to maintain the proper sleep-required contact. Thus, she continued to wake in terror over and over again.

Luckily, The Real Life Fairy Tale Princess is very resourceful. At 6:30 this morning, the solution dawned on me. I went to the utility closet and got a roll of duct tape. I then returned to the bed and duct taped the Ogre-Child's foot to my back.

I will admit that there was a slight discomfort at first as she kicked and resisted the new material that restrained her to my body. However, after a few moments, the repetative kick felt very much like a rare Japanese back massage and I began to drift off to Dreamland quite pleased with my inovativeness. A few minutes later, the Ogre-Child wore herself out and slept through the morning soundly.

Of course there is one side effect to this method of sleep aide. At 6 in the morning, the thought never crossed my mind that I would have to remove the tape from the tender regions of my back while still in the grogy stupor of pre-coffee, pre-cigarette, pre-awareness!


But aside from the stinging, flame-red spot on my back it is a good morning.

Plus I get a good morning laugh watching the Ogre-Child wrestle in irritation with the piece of tape I left on her foot!!

Myspace Images @ PimpMyCom
A Real Life Fairy Tale Princess

Note: No Ogre-Children were harmed in the making of this post.


Anonymous said...

In Fairy Princess land, do they know the difference between fact and a really funny story? If not, they may be alerting the Granny Goddess to the effects of this crap can have on the baby! ha ha ha

so loving this site.

Veronica said...

Good times, good times. I say whatever works to catch a few z's.

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