Yeah yeah... I know... chastize me all you want. You know I still love you!
So why am I not here? Why am I not writing? Or for that matter reading?
I blame facebook... but that's probably just a minor part of it.
Have I told you all I live in a two bedroom apartment about the size of telemarketer's phone cubicle? Oh yeah... and I have a spoiled rotten ogre child who has every toy that was ever dreamed up. We have a rolly horse, a hippo car, a sit-n-spin, a motion sensored crawling cave, mega blocks, grocery carts, and enough stuffed animals to fill the janitors closet to the hilt!
We have diaper bags, diaper boxes, play pens, a disassembled crib, two coffee tables large enough to park a compact car on and two bookshelves large enough to hold six months of clutter with space to spare!
We have enough pens to supply a public school for a year and boxes of scrapbooking supplies, magazines, and family tree research.
We have an old desktop, fifty kitchen appliances (but none that actually wash the dishes or clean up after themselves) and two televisions.
We have enough canned goods to live off vegetables and raviolli for a year (as long as the electric can opener doesn't die.
We have tools and nicknacks, and a horror fiction library that puts our local selection to shame.
Throw in two adults, one ogre child, a king-sized bed and a wardrobe fit for a princess (complete with an impressive collection of shoes, purses, hats, gloves, and jackets).
Now tell me? Where in the hell does the Christmas tree go? I know I stored it through last year. I know I got it down in November to decorate. So why in the name of all that is sane, is there no where to put it now?
That's right... I know I promised Farmer*s wife I'd be back in the mix after my birthday... unfortunately it has taken a week to find a place to put that damn tree!!
Last night, I'd finally had it! I started tossing things out of the pantry until I got to the Christmas tree box. And as I packed it back up, I began consolodating all my decorations. I put the mini-tree and next years black and silver ornaments in the box with the Christmas tree (somewhere around here there's five strands of ribbon that goes with the set, but do you think I can find them for the life of me?) I then went through all the boxes of ornaments and repackaged them with specific labels. I couldn't believe how many decorations didn't make it out this year. I shouldn't be surprised though. Can you tell me why someone who owns a 6-foot tall, 3-foot diameter tree and doesn't decorate outdoors needs to have ELEVEN boxes of ornaments, garland, and tinsel? I looked to see if I could get rid of any of them... I can't! Theres the red ornament set from, the green ornament set, the family ornaments, the hand-painted heirloom nativity, the christmas village, the blue set from this year and the black set I bought on clearnace for next year!
Totally not the point. The point is, that in the process of tossing boxes from the corners of my pantry, I found some things.
I found five tons of magazines, including some tabloids that I keep around for a good laugh now and then.
I found a bankers box filled with empty photo albums.
I found a file full of beautiful sketches, cartoons, and drawing ideas.
I found another file which contained the first twenty pages of what might someday be a very interesting story. And the first twenty pages of another story that will need a lot of work if it's ever going anywhere.
I found a folder filled so full of poetry it's pockets are bursting. Along with that, I found a notebook that is also partially filled with poetry. Did I mention I have a photo album binder filled with typed poetry? You'd never guess I write a lot would you?
On top of that there were the fall ornaments that never made it out, the letters from friends, the letters from ex-family, and a box filled with various papers that need to be sorted and filed, nick nacks and childhood mementos.
So I keep telling myself... one box at a time! And maybe by the next millenium I'll have it all organized and stored properly. I've considered petitioning the landlord to let me build a second story, but I'm sure that would only prove in storing more clutter.
My great feat of accomplishment last night? I got all of the Christmas cleaned up (except those damn ribbons... oh... and the holiday towels that need to be washed before packing up). I also cleaned off my bulletin board and gave it a beautiful new look. I am quite impressed, even if Prince Charming only shrugged and said "uh huh". I'd love to take a picture for you, but it happens to be in the poorest lit part of my livingroom and I don't think it would do any good.
OMG!! - I'm bribing you with pictures of a bulletin board! I'm so pathetic!
Oh... yeah... I also corraled about a dozen large and 25 small stuffed animals into air tight storage bags under the Ogre Child's bed. That little task cut her visible collection by about 20%. I even had room to put three more storage bags of outgrown clothes under there!! WOOHOO!
Unfortunately, about 3am (I'm nocturnal on weekends... against my better judgement) I found that folder with the stories and was enthrawled. I dropped everything to type and revise that story until about 6:30 when I looked at the clock and said "SHIT!" I tidied up my disheaveled mess to the best of my ability, took my medications and crawled into my bed.
I set an alarm for 11:30 this morning but it once again failed to go off. Even so, I only overslept by thirty minutes so we'll be able to get to sleep at a decent time tonight.
Oh yeah... and the new changes at work are going to SUCK... but such is life! To all you mothers out there, if your child fails ART because they are too lazy to draw a sketch each week... in the very least turn them over your knee and spank their ass... preferably in the middle of the High School commons area during lunch hour!
LOVE PEACE AND CHICKEN GREASE!!