After the week I've had...

... I don't even care if someone is offended. If you can't laugh at this, you need to buy a sense of HUMOR!!!



Oh, and no... I don't live in Nebraska... my family does...

And no... I don't like the state... except a handful of people I know

And absolutely NO... I will NEVER live there again!!



I fall into the HICKS!! How about you?

P.S. Feel free to prove you aren't offended by reposting this if you like. I think it's hilarious!!

Edit: The NE section is titled "British" - the black section (D.C.) is titled "Useless" - Florida is titled "Cuba" - Louisianna is titled "Water" - Hawaii is titled "Japan" I think that covers all the unreadables! Thanks to winter for pointing that out!

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WANTED: Pacemaker

You know that wonderful bundle of Ogreness that terrorizes my house on a daily basis?

The one I knew was going to be a handful when she provoked an ultrasound at 6 weeks just because she wanted the world to be ready for her!!!

The same one who provoked another senseless ultrasound at 10 weeks because she didn't want anyone to hear her heartbeat!!!

Yeah... the one who gave the doctors a preeclampsia scare at 30 weeks, only to find it was a false alarm!!!

Yep... the same one who refused to drop at 38 weeks just so she could have another ultrasound picture!!

She's the one... the one who refused to show signs of progress after 12 hours of induction and pitocin . . . only to have my water break within 20 minutes of being told I might be sent home.

I think she was switched at conception!! She's really a doctor's child.
This week, we found out she's part of the 4% who get a rash from the chickenpox vaccine.

But I swear, tonight, I'd have given anything to have been her "real" mother with the skills and confidence of a doctor.

Because I don't care how many times you've recertified your CPR for "just in case," when it is your child on the couch not breathing in Febrile Seizure, there is nothing more helpless feeling.

Granted, I didn't know WHY my child was not breathing, or WHY she was having a seizure... but in the back of my head, I think I did, and still panicked.

Thank goodness for 9-1-1 dispatchers who can decipher the hysterical screaming of a mother. Thank goodness for local officers who can be knocking on your front door within 6 minutes of you dialing the phone. Thank goodness for First Responders who walk in a minute later. Thank goodness for co-workers who will beat the them all there by 30 seconds in their PJ's.

But mostly, thank goodness that my beautiful, baby girl is now repeatively turning my television on and off in the middle of the show I'm trying to watch. Thank goodness for her smile, her laugh, her hysterical screams when she finally came too surrounded by strange men (and women).

Thank goodness for whomever is watching over us. Read more ...

Did I mention?

Did I mention, that header up there has 116 different pieces in it (counting the walls, floor, etc that all had to be added one piece at a time)?

Did I mention, the princess in the header has 43 hand drawn pieces?

Yeah!!

That's right!!

Did I mention, it took me over an hour to draw the princess?

Yep!!

Did I mention, I don't have photoshop or any other cool "practically draw it for me" tool?

Exactly!!

Did I mention, the whole header took around 3 hours?

Yeah!!

Did I mention, I don't care if you like it one not?... it's staying until I get my three hours back!!


Anyone who comes here without leaving me MAD PROPS for my hard work is SOOOOO getting kicked out of my FAVE FIVE!! Read more ...

you know Sunshine's the Babe-o-matic

that's right... gotta love the girl. Where else do I get all the cool meme's to steal? Hmph... now if she'd just figure out how to read my mind, fill in the blanks and post them to my blog for me, she'd be PERFECT!!

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car):

• Digger Olds - So picturing a long-haired, white-bearded, leather clad, pot-smoking Harley Rider!

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe):

• Half Baked Citrus - A cross between cannibus sativa and an orange tree! "don't mess wit me homes... I cut chu up!"

3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favorite color, favorite animal):

• Black Dog - sounds like a hip-hop rapper!

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born):

• Nicole Callaway - That's got a nice, mistress to the millionaire ring to it!
• My daughter would be Nicole Manhattan!

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first three letters of your last name, first two of your first name):

• AndKo - Maiden Name: WalKo
• Mother to MorEl - That's right... she's a MUSHROOM!

6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):

• Red Daquiri - I'd be too busy tripping over my drunken feet to save your sorry ass!!

7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers):

• Richard Reuben - LMAO... that is as redneck as it gets
• Heir to my NASCAR legacy - Ronald David

8. STRIPPER NAME ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy):

• Charlie Reeses - Peanut Butter Cup titties!!

9. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your fifth grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter):

• Fisher Florence - And today the forecast calls for Freezing rain and Flurries!

10. SPY NAME (your favorite season/holiday, flower):

• Autumn Lily - *peeks out from a pile of freshly raked leaves to snap your picture*

11. CARTOON NAME (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now):

• Watermelon Thong - TMI?
• And my miniture partner in crime - Banana Diaper

12. HIPPIE NAME (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree):

• Latte Maple - As opposed to Lot-a-Wood!!

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Comments for Cancer!!

I don't have much time this morning, but I want this up for all my readers. I hope that in light of the good cause, Jill will forgive my quick copy & paste job. Please visit her site to return the favor for writing this post:

". . . go visit a new blog I just discovered. Cass, from Cass Just Curious, recently had a
breast cancer-related scare and it has spurred her to take action. For every
person who leaves a comment on this post, she will donate $3 to breast cancer research, her husband's business will match it with another $3 and her mom, who is a breast cancer survivor, will add another $3, for a total of $9 per comment . . ."
-Jill

There are currently 323 comments on Cass's post. Let's make it more!! Read more ...

How We Cope

When life is ravaged by death, it's interesting to see how we cope with the loss.

Some of us write, others pray, others rally around friends and family. As for myself, I'm not big on the grieving process.

I strive to find the happiness within tragedy. Sometimes that happiness is harder to find than others. I try to console myself with the thought that there are far greater fates in this life than dying.

Our family has recently experienced a very tragic, but no unexpected death. My mother's youngest cousin lost her battle with melanoma at the young age of 31. I will not say I did not weap or grieve. But I will say, I easily found peace with this loss.

Despite that peace, I wanted her long courageous fight to be remembered and acknowledged.

Therefore, I have done the one thing I know how to do well. I have created a place for her memory to live on. I do not have delusions that thousands of visitors will flock to the page to give their condolances. Honestly, I do not care. What I care about is the fact that her face is there. Her name is etched upon the page. Her fight is remembered. And maybe by chance, someone will stumble upon her site and it will give them the information they need to save a life!

Please remember that everyone is at risk for melanoma. Always use sunscreen. Tanning beds are NOT safe! Protect yourself, your children, and your families. Most forms of skin cancer are 95% curable if detected early. Read more ...

What part do you play in the circus?

For Semblance
This is sooo a no brainer!!

I'm the FORTUNE TELLER!!

It's an art I have. I just know what is going to happen before it actually does. I'll give you some examples:

• "Darling Ogre-Child, I know you think you are an expert acrobat... but if you insist on climbing up on the back of the couch... you will eventually fall and bump your head." . . . "Told you so!"
• "Prince Charming, if you leave that soda on the edge of the coffee table, your daughter is going to knock it off before it's empty!" . . . "Just as I suspected!"
• "Self . . . I know you like to read in bed, but you realize that sooner or later your book-eating Ogre-Child will find the stash of books on the corner of the nightstand. And no one will be awake to stop her from having her fill." . . . "What a suprise!"
• "Random student . . . you know that I am a very nice teacher, but if you insist on handing in late work and not doing some reading outside of class, you aren't going to have a very good grade in my class!" . . . "When report cards go out tomorrow, you'll be convinced!"
• "Resident with unruley grandchildren . . . you are not MY neighbor so I could care less what you do, but if you continue to allow your grandchildren to peek in the windows of the neighbor's apartments while they play outside unsupervised, the landlord will right you up." . . . "Need I say more?"
• "Insomniac Alter Ego . . . You know that the Ogre-Child is laying down for a two-hour nap and you should either clean the house or nap with her. Because when she wakes up she will not allow anything to be put away, will make 3 times the mess if you leave the room to clean up another mess, and will not go to sleep until 3 AM!" . . . "I hate being right!"
• "Dear Fly . . . While I fully support your right to live free and careless, I do believe if you buzz my head like a kamakaze pilot one more time I will splatter your inards into the crevices of my flyswatter!" . . . "They just never learn!"
• "Dear Spider . . . Yes, I am terrified of you. You are completely right to believe that I will not get close enough to you to kill you with a flyswatter or shoe. However, if you are still in that same spot when I get back from the bathroom, I guarantee that the super-strength, extra-freeze, glue-your-fingers-to-your-head hairspray I own will quickly clog your pores and freeze you in a close enough to dead state that I can shovel you onto a paper and flush you down the toilet." . . . "So sorry I couldn't convince you that I own hairspray just to kill spiders!"
• "Dear Ex-Family . . . While I do support the idea that funerals are simply a part of life, I chose NOT to attend the funeral of my 31-year-old second cousin. Had I believed that my presence at the funeral would have eased the pain of myself or those I love, I might have attended. However, I still would NOT have believed that it was any place for me to bring my 1-year-old Ogre-Child. Had I been forced to bring her, I would not have felt it was appropriate for you to choose a funeral to snap a picture of your 5 great-grandchildren!! Had you dared asked me, I would have vocally expressed that not only was this NOT the time or place for family photos, MY CHILD would NEVER be included in one of YOUR family photos." . . . "Okay, so I can't confirm this 100% because I did not attend. However, I'm still 99% certain this is how it would have taken place!"

I could write a novel on the predictions I have made

And to prove that my predictions apply even outside the influence of those I know personally, I will make some general predictions that I know you will attest to.

• The individual driving precisely 3 mph faster than you desire to drive while on a four lane highway, will immediately begin driving 3 mph slower than you desire the minute traffic merges to two lanes and passing him is no longer possible!
• When paying cash for a purchase, you will always find that the change in your purse is equal to the total cents on the purchase, minus one coin.
• Nine times out of ten, while digging for your keys on the way to the parking lot. You will find the exact coin you needed to make even change for your purchase.
• When making back to back cash purchases, you will find that the change recieved from purchase A will be exactly 5 cents short of the change required for purchase B.
• If you decide that you are too tired to fill up the gas tank on your way home from work, but know you must fill it before you leave the next morning, you will find that come the next morning, you are either running 5 minutes late, or it will be raining!!
• When working on a project for another person you will find that if you complete it on time, the person who requested it will not ask for it until the following day. However, if you put it off until the last minute, the person will call you 30 minutes before you start the final touches and ask if they can pick it up over in 15 minutes!

And if you aren't convinced of my powers by now, you are clearly a NON-BELIEVING SKEPTIC who shouldn't be reading about my fortune telling skills in the first place!

Thanks for the quarter... here's your fortune . . .

"Man who stand on toilet is HIGH on POT!"

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ABC's of Me

In true, copycat, too lazy to come up with something original, haven't posted in a while fashion...
Here's your ABC's from Sunshine.

A. Attached or single? Attached... but there's not binding arbitration... just a verbal contract.
B. Best friend? Probably Samantha. I dunno, I hold all my friends at about the same level.
C. Cake or pie? Pie... The pudding kind... yummy!!
D. Day of choice? Saturday
E. Essential item? Face Cleansing Clothes... like baby wipes for grown-ups... fast quick & easy
F. Favorite color? Black & Red - clothes, decor, flowers... it's still the same.
G. Gummy bears or worms? Worms... the sour kind if I get to pick.
H. Hometown? BFE, Nebraska... seriously, you can see the end of the world from the highest hill.
I. Indulgence? Flavored Coffee
J. January or July? January... IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!
K. Kids? 1... more in the future
L. Life isn’t complete without? Love & Laughter
M. Marriage date? Pending
N. Number of brothers & sisters? Ooh my favorite topic of entertainment:

• Not-Quite-Step bro + wife
• Not-Quite-Step bro + wife
• Half sis (36)+ hubby
• Almost-Bro-in-law (32) + wife
• Half bro (31?)
• Ex-Step bro (31?)
• Ex-Step sis (29?)
• Almost-Foster sis (28)
• Almost-Sis-in-law (28) + hubby
• Ex-Step sis (27) + hubby
• Half sis (25?)
• Half-Adopted-Step bro (24?)
• Ex-Bro-in-law (22)
• Half sis (20)
• Ex-Bro-in-law (20)
• Step bro (6?)
• Half bro (3)

For a GRAND TOTAL of 17 (23 if you count the spouses I know of)
Actual siblings I speak to = 9... though I have nothing against the baby except that he lives with the DNA provider that spawned most of us!!

Now... how would you like to do a family tree project for school? Yes... IT SUCKED!!
BE AFRAID! THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE I'M RELATED TO YOU!!!

O. Oranges or apples? oranges... manderine
P. Phobias? clown, crowds, spiders and KITCHENS!!
Q. Quotes? "FAMILY is like POTATOES! The best parts are underground!"
R. Reasons to smile? my daughter gives me a whole list every day!
S. Season of choice? spring
T. Tag seven peeps! - That's just RUDE!
U. Unknown fact about me? I can sing relatively well and I can draw AWESOMELY!
V. Vegetable? PEAS!!
W. Worst habits? Smoking
X. X-ray or ultrasound? have had them both
Y. Your favorite food? Mom's goulash
Z. Zodiac sign? Capricorn Read more ...