I have an online account I check almost everyday whether I'm at home or at work. The password contains the word "FUCK" and I secretly smile each time I type it at work because sometimes that's exactly how I feel!
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And to go along with Jill's Redneck Mommy I thought I too would confess.
You might be a redneck if...
- You have ever spent the weekend creating a ring of beer bottles around a firepit.
- You have ever been too hungover to create a float for the town parade.
- You have ever carried a blow up doll through town to watch said parade.
- You have ever sat on the roadside and thrown candy back at the floats in the parade.
- You have ever returned to your campsite and hung the before mentioned blow up doll from a tree for being a hussy.
- You have ever stolen a goose decoy and placed it on a road sign.
- You have ever given directions that involved "Pass the giant golf ball, turn at the three poles, drive towards the funky tree."
- You have ever spilled a giant jar of pennies on the floor of your car while slamming on the brakes to avoid hitting a tractor.
- You have ever sent a child onto the roof of an outhouse to retrieve a 'birdie'
- You have ever made a late night run across time zones to get alcohol after hours.
- You have ever had a dog who wouldn't catch a ball... but would catch rocks!
- You have ever floated down a river in a horse tank
- You have ever gotten in a water fight using glass beer bottles while floating in said horse tank.
- You have ever had to have drunk EMTs stop their floating horse tank to treat the injuries caused by broken beer bottles.
- And last but not least... you might be a redneck if... you can identify a piece of a tractor by the sound it makes when your father throws it across the driveway!
I cannot claim title of REDNECK MOMMY as I have completed the rehab program (Step #1 - Storm out of Christmas screaming, "Get your ass in the truck I can't handle these assholes anymore!") and I am happily in remission. Unfortunately, like many addictions, I must be very careful to avoid any situation where I might lose my self control and relapse. For the sake of my child, please keep you redneck behavior to yourselves!
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