One More Fairy Tale (resigned)

Visit the New Site

2009-09-29T18:07:00.001-05:00

Like I mentioned before (I think)... in order to fix some of the codex problems that have come with the many layout changes here... I had to change the site address. Please be sure to update your links to heretherebedreams.blogspot.com as I will eventually stop updating on this site.

Also, readers seem to come and go with time (an blog-lapses)... so in order to get on the new blogroll please visit the new site HERE and leave a comment. While you will remain on the blogroll here... Only those loyal (aka. bored) enough to journey to the new palace will have a spot on the new blogroll.

I *HEART* you all dearly and hope you will visit me once again.

NEW POST:

If You Are Reading This...

2009-09-27T02:35:00.003-05:00

You know that I have not died... only caved under the pressures of life.

But much too your enjoyment (or if you're related to me... dismay!)

I have plans to be back in full force... soon... I think...

And in honor of that... I totally didn't listen to any of you and created a whole new idea for a blog design. I think you'll like it! (I hope you like it)

I tried to add a picture to show just what I'm talking about... but blogger doesn't like my "YOU LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE" internet speed... so pictures will come another day when it isn't almost 3 in the morning.

Oh... so you want to see it do you?

I'd ask you to beg... but I think you've waited patiently long enough.

But you have to keep in mind that it's not completely finished. I have some awesome plans for new additions on the blog-palace!

Check it out... and leave a comment so I make sure you get into the new blogroll!! (you can do it... even if it's just *flipping you the middle finger*... I can accept that!... but comment so I can flip you one in return!)

http://heretherebedreams.blogspot.com/

VOTE on new design!!

2009-06-28T02:33:00.004-05:00

*Warning... it's 2 am... I've spent 3 weeks trying to find/being out bid/falling in love/getting the contract on a house/getting nervous because the move will involve changing jobs. So after I read this, I noted several typos... deal with it. I've fixed what I remembered seeing, but I know there are more. You're intelligent individuals and I have no doubt you can decipher my meaning. I promise to be more diligent in the future, but tonight, my give a d*** is busted!

So... with the folks moving to the kingdom on Tuesday and having jumped for joy at the fact that our offer was accepted Friday on "The Princess's Dream Palace" in the middle of ~~Who The Hell Lives in Bum F*** Egypt?~~ Nowhere!! (see me jumping for joy?!?!) The whole blogger world is put on hold.

But that's just an excuse. The truth is... I've had the new blog palace near completion for a week now. The problem is... I'm indecisive!! (Give me a break!! I was saving all my decisiveness for the house-buying procedure and now I'm sapped!)

So here's your chance. I know... I've totally slacked off on blogging and you've all lost total and utter faith in me (i.e. I've been replaced by the cute blond down the street!)

BUT... I'm hoping that not all my readers have ~~packed there shit and kicked the dog on the way out the door~~ totally abandoned me.

Because I now call upon you to summon the strength I do not have...

Pick the new header (and therefore the entire design of the new site!)

If you do not accept this challenge... or if there is a need for a tie breaker... I am simply going to feed the Ogre Child some chocolate and hand her a page with all three options. Whichever is covered in the most chocolate by the time she gets bored will be the winner.

So here are the entries:

The Original
This was the first full length header I created for THIS site. The background color for the page could be
A) Dark Blue (shown)
B) Burgundy (the darker red in the left side)
C) Orange (behind the castle)
D) Chocolate (The shirt)
E) Cream (the crown/text)

The Beach
This header is the result of Summer Fever and thinking about sandcastles and tequila sunrises. The background colors could be:
A) teal/aqua (like the ocean)
B) grey (like the sky)
C) orange (like the drink/blanket)
D) sand (ummm... like the sand?)

Last but not least
Disney Castle
This came about when I was searching castle pictures. It's a more cheery/colorful/make you puke "happy" header. The background colors could be:
A) Pastel Blue (do I need to describe it?)
B) Pastel Pink (again, where did I come up with this color?)
C) Pastel Yellow (I'm just grabbing at straws here)
D) Red (there's some in the flags and roses, but it does hurt most people's eyes)
E) Purple (Castle tops)
F) Green (there's grass down there)

So your mission is to leave a comment with your favorite header. I'd even accept "I hate them all, create something new!" And for extra credit... you make a background suggestion.

The header with the most votes will be found on the new site VERY SOON ~~if I get my sh** together~~ If there is a definite winner on background color, I'll do my best to make the color work... but I have the final say on that because sometimes they just don't look nearly as nice as you think they will.

What do you get for your valued opinions?
(i.e. How do I get you to tell me what you think?)

Why I'm bribing you of course!!

Here's the deal...

If less than 10 people comment/vote...

I will create a custom "I Voted" badge to post to your pages.

If at least 10 people comment/vote...

I will have the Ogre Child draw three names from a hat and award them a custom designed link badge for their website. I'll even install it if need be (sign in information required for installation)

If at least 25 people comment/vote...

I will award 1 lucky winner a custom designed header or stationary background design.
Plus 3 others will still receive a link badge.

If you rock my world and make this the most popular post with 50 comment/votes...

I will give a Grand Prize of either the custom header, or a gift basket of random surprise goodies (guaranteed to include some type of chocolate).
I will give the remaining header/basket (whichever isn't picked) to a 2nd place
Plus the 3 badges.

Want more treats?

Blog this with a link for an extra entry (you must vote first and you must tell me you blogged it) -- after all... we want to hit that 50 mark!!

Stipulations?

No more than 2 comments/blogger (one for the vote, one mentioning a blog post) will be counted to the comment/vote count. You know I have to put it in there so you silly fruit loops don't do this...
"I"
"think"
"you"
"should"
"use"
"the"
"Beach"
"header"
"with"
"a"
"sand"
"background"
"and"
"I"
"blogged"
"about"
"it"
"I"
"want"
"the"
"gift"
"basket"
"thanks"

You know who you are *wink*

So get to voting... and send your friends to vote so I can mail someone a gift basket!!

Loves!!

I haven't forgotten you

2009-06-15T04:30:00.002-05:00

Bear with me bloggies.

I have not ~~been too drunk to blog~~ forsaken you.

There is a greater plan in motion.

For those of you who dare to stay with me through this lapse in blogging, I think you will find a fabulous surpirse lies just down the road.

I am in the process of remodeling the castle.

When ~~I get my poop in a group~~ the remodel is completed to my satisfaction, I will post a link to my new site (sorry, there are glitches on this one that for the life of me I cannot repair.)

The new site will include:

navigation menus
interesting and fun pages for your entertainment
a guest book (for those of you too busy to comment regularly)
links to tutorials
past posts from a previous blog that you may (or may not) be aware of
a spectacular new layout
and many more entertaining items

I must say, I believe I am pushing Blogger to it's limits. Since I ~~am clearly inept~~ do not understand the concept of CSS, this is a very complicated process for me. However, I believe that you will find ~~yourself in awe and amazement~~ it is all well worth the wait.

Again, bear with me bloggies. I want to complete this project before we get hot and heavy into moving The Queen, purchasing our own home and the return of the school year. The process has hit a few bumps in the road because ~~I have a short attention span and am easily distracted by shiny objects~~ the contractors are idiots.

Best Blogging to the Bloggies!

Gimme a Break!!

2009-05-17T18:48:00.003-05:00

It's the last ~~productive~~ week of school. (Whoever thought it would be brilliant to come back to school for 2 days after Memorial Day should have their teeth kicked in!) Needless to say, "busy as a bee" will not even begin to describe it. So please excuse the lapse in blogisms while I try to ~~keep from pulling all of my hair out~~ attempt to assure the education of future generations.

Last week I ~~tried to hide under my desk to skirt my duties~~ finished purchase orders for the classroom (huge thanks to co-workers who can spend an extra $100 in record time and others who can type up the forms when I'm totally tired of shopping on company funds!)

Next weekend, we're throwing B-day party #2 at the bowling alley. Thankfully, that's Prince Charming's baby and I don't have to do SHIT!

Have I mentioned I'm behind on housework and every other household duty? Please don't look under my bed.

So forgive me for this horrible neglect to my blog. I'll be busy ~~reminding myself not to have more children~~ trying to help 5 kids pass Geometry, 3 pass English, 2 pass Art, and ~~kicking the asses of 15 others~~ hoping that everyone else will at least get through to their next grade level.

Bear with me. Summer ~~drinking fun~~ is coming soon and I'll definately have some great tales to tell!

Sun, Rays and Passing Grades!!

In case you thought I was lying!!

2009-05-04T00:05:00.000-05:00

Coconut Bra & Hula skirt to wear to your 40-yr-old Uncle's wedding... $10
Roll of film to catch that priceless moment... $2
Developing the photo of his beet red face... $0.50
Having him get revenge at YOUR wedding 5-years later!!!

PRICELESS!!**

I knew you would never believe that Uncle ~~Auto~~ Fucktard was really in no position to be snubbing me at the wedding... so I stole the proof from my cousin (just in case he has the negatives destroyed!)

((Of course I covered his face ~~to accentuate the obvious~~ to protect his true identity.))

As if it wouldn't be scary enough to be the bride when THIS guy walks into your ceremony.

Imagine the horror to find out THIS is what he's wearing!!!

And if you're curious... THIS is how the bride and groom react when he flashes them as they exit the ceremony!!

Now... if you're NOT married, you need to pick up your phone NOW and call to apologize for anything you may have done to ever embarass your family.

If you ARE married (not to my family), call your relatives and thank them for NOT being WIERDOS!!

**And in case you were wondering... yes... she did (only because it was too expensive to find a trailer full of flying pigs!)... so I guess she so deserved it!!

I ♥ Faces -- Week 17:Hats

2009-05-04T00:00:00.001-05:00

Useless piece of information about me ~~you were dying to know~~I LOVE HATS!!

Big swooshy sun hats, little berets, cute caps... you name it!I think it's because ~~they cover my perpetually bad hair LIFE~~ they remind me of crowns. And we all know how I love all things crown-like!! C'mon, what do you expect from a PRINCESS?!?!

This week at I ♥ Faces the theme is... you guessed it ~~geniuses I tell you!~~ HATS!!

So I felt it very important to show off my FAVORITE hat! It's a fabulous pink with a gold band. Very crown-like if you ask me ~~which you didn't, but I don't care~~ I know it's a bit washed out, but what's a girl to do with a cheap camera and 3AM bathroom lighting? So here's my adult entry --The O.C. wanted to post her own entry (because Mommie might screw up the story) so don't forget to check her rock star look if you haven't already!! --

Go on over and check out other people's hats at I ♥ Faces. I'm so going to ~~stalk them so I can steal their hats for myself~~ drool over the variety of hats they're showing off.

P.S. To all the fabulous visitors who commented on my last entry... I have so added a special blog roll just for you. So don't be surprised if you find me lurking around trying decide if I want to permanently stalk you!!

NEED A SUPER LAUGH? DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT THE PICS IN MY NEXT POST!!

May Day! May Day!

2009-05-02T01:04:00.002-05:00

Okay, I think I'm finally ~~sober enough~~ feeling well enough to post. I know you are all just dying to know how my week went!! You didn't think the Queen was telling the truth did you? ~~tattle tale~~

Last Friday I looked at a house for the Queen and Dad. It's a pretty cool house and in case she hasn't noticed yet, I thought I'd mention the price has dropped. Needs some work, but definitely doable (the house, not my MOM!)

After that, I paid all the ~~past due~~ bills. Last thing I wanted was to get stuck out of the state with no insurance and no cell phone only to come home to no electricity. Definitely would have put me in a sour mood.

Then, we loaded up the chariot and headed North to our motel. All appeared to be going well, until the INFESTATION!! That's right... the hotel put my parents in an ANT INFESTED ROOM (and they knew it!!) Go figure the whole hotel was filled. PC and I were willing to move upstairs to let the folks have our room. Just as we made this decision we noticed that our room was ALSO INFESTED!!

How fast can you say refund? Just ask the man at the check-in counter. It took about 36 seconds for me to get rooms at the neighboring motel.

The perk? The rooms were $7 cheaper per night and the pool was 10 degrees warmer! PROPS!! The best part is I could not for the life of me figure out why the cashiers at both motels were acting so meek and overly-cooperative. I wasn't being pissy or disgruntled, and yet they acted as if I had potential to become so. It did not dawn on me until I looked in the mirror of our new motel room. I was wearing my new pink t-shirt. Across the front of it, it says:

I'M A BITCH.
What's your excuse?

On another note... PC and I went out for a nice dinner... some place called "Misty's". Fancy smancy shit. We got Crab patties (delicious). Salad and Clam Chowder (yum yum!). PC got King Crab (MMmmmm) and I got ~~rotten crab pussy on pasta~~ Crab Asiago!! *vomits in the waitress's shoe* WTF is that shit?!?! ASS? It smelled bad. It looked bad. And... you guessed it... It tasted like crap!! Not exaggerating here... I made PC try it. The instant it hit his tongue he gagged and spit it on a plate (totally NOT like him!). I asked if I should be polite and he replied, "Hell NO! You ask her what is in it so you never risk tasting that again!" I'd have asked for a refund but the stench was clouding my senses.

On Saturday, the wedding was (of course) beautiful... but I'm sort of biased! Couldn't help but giggle that flower girl #1 (groom's daughter) made it as far as her mother before freaking out in tears and FG #2 (bride's daughter) made it a third of the way down the aisle before becoming infatuated with her basket and stopped to play. It 1) was adorable, 2) proved "the best laid plans" and 3) reminded me why there's no point in sweating the small stuff.

The reception was great. ~~The guest list is a whole different story~~ At least it was for about 65 minutes ~~after that the drinks kicked in and then I have no clue~~

Drink #1

I purchased my first drink ~~when I assessed the company I'd be spending 4 hours among~~ while they cut the cake. After being totally SNUBBED by Uncle Auto ~~a man in a coconut bra really shouldn't act "better" than others~~ that drink didn't last long.

Drink #2

I recall telling Cousin Happily Divorced that he was getting old if I was beating him to the second drink! After this, I got the nerve to go talk to relatives who were sitting with EX-relatives. (I admit, I was intentionally being an ass).

Drink #3

I clearly remember Cousin Happily Divorced buying me another drink to celebrate his recent divorce ~~since I'm the only one in HIS family that can happily relate to that~~. After this drink, I made a point of actually SPEAKING to the Queen's EX-father. I grinned to myself at the fact that I intentionally called him "Dick" over and over again (are you sure your name's Richard? Because you look like a Dick to me!)

Drink #4.5

I vaguely recall PC returning to the table with two drinks. One of which he gave to me and the other he used to refill my cup when I wasn't looking. ~~I am NOT paranoid!~~ At some point after this they kidnapped the bride for a ransom. To which I told her father "They don't know this family to well. We don't NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!!"

Drink #5 (aka Drink #7)

I ordered one last drink before we left. I swear it was #5, but my relatives were determined that it was closer to #7. ~~What do those drunks know?~~ It's not like my cousin was holding me up. I didn't fall out the front door of the reception hall. I DID find myself intentionally talking to people I hate. But I was still sober enough to walk away telling my cousin "I even hate these people when I'm drunk."

I personally find it hilarious that they are now all scratching their ~~balls~~ heads trying to decide whether I like them or am a hateful bitch. Plus, the one person who wouldn't talk to me (Uncle Auto) looks like a total ass because I made a point of telling them how everyone had spoken to me nicely except him. I think some people there will chalk my "friendliness" up to my mother being the problem. Other's will chalk it up to my drunkenness. But in all honestly, I was barely more than tipsy all night. I talked to everyone for the following reasons:

I wanted to make the bride happy. It was her day.
I wanted to fuck with their brains.
I was taking a survey of "Who's a Total Fuckhead in my Family?" (They're still all fuckheads, but Uncle Auto is the only TOTAL FUCKHEAD!)
It was win-win for me. Those who WISH I liked them got fooled. Those who WISH I wouldn't speak to them were uncomfortable. And those who I LOVE were happy that I put forth an effort.

Needless to say, Mission Accomplished!

In case you are curious, my flavor of the evening was Crown and Coke in 12 oz. glasses wonderfully mixed.

Props to me because my entire 2009 alcohol consumption (pre-reception) has consisted of 1 Pina Colada on my birthday. And one bottle of Bud 4 weeks ago. ~~I'm such a LUSH!~~ This many drinks in one night ~~four hours~~ SHOULD have kicked my ass. Fortunately, I am blessed to only get hangovers from ~~one night stands~~ beer and despite being up every hour with a sick kiddo, I was smiling at breakfast at 7:45. (Please note I get bonus points for being up before my two habitually drunk male cousins despite holding my own against their drinking prowess!)

All in all... Saturday was great! Unfortunately, the OC caught a cold which she happily shared with the rest of the family. So PC and I were sick Sunday and Monday. Tuesday was uneventful as I worked and napped. Wednesday I vegetated on an extra day off. Thursday was a blur. And here we are at Friday already (now Saturday morning). The week has breezed by and I have accomplished absolutely NADA... (unless you count my reception havoc)

Here's wishing you all a wonderful blog-er-ific weekend. I'll see if I can catch up with you all and get back into the swing of things. In the event that I can't, please make a note of the ticker ticking away in the top right corner of my blog. I may be busy next week!

An Important Announcement

2009-04-24T10:00:00.002-05:00

Dear Bloggie,

While we at the offices of Blog and Blog Some More are happy to provide you with endless amounts of entertainment and humor, it has come to our attention that ~~desktop computers are not portable~~ we will be forced to shut down this service temporarily.

Unfortunately, this is an unforseeable incident, as no one knew ~~that people in my family still valued the sanctity of marriage~~ that we would be unable to service this blog for a couple of days.

We hope that you as valued readers will continue to check in ~~over the course of the next 48 hours~~ and make your usual ~~smart assed remarks~~ contributions.

Service to this blog should be restored on Monday ~~if our technicians sober up by then~~

Thank you for your valued time and have a wonderful weekend!!

Sincerely,

P.S. In case that was too cryptic for you... My cousin, Horse Before the Cart (aka More Like a Sister to Me than Anyone Else) is getting married on Saturday to a wonderful man (and his daughter). P.C. and I will happily ~~make the rest of the family uncomfortable by our presence~~ be attending and wishing her all the best because ~~she's the only one of us that turned out halfway decent~~ WE LOVE HER!!

It's about time for another one?

2009-04-23T16:53:00.005-05:00

What do you mean... another one?

oh... Oh... OH HELL NO!!

Have you people fallen off the sanity wagon and somehow slipped into complete madness?

Let me explain!

Wednesday - PAT says, "Awwww... she (the O.C.) is getting SOOO big!! It's about time for another one!" To which, P.C. boldy proclaimed (in a bluntness that made me want to crawl under our couch!) "Yep, as soon as we get a house bought I'm knocking her up!" Oh... yes... he said that!

Today - My boss, my co-worker, the teacher across the hall, and the nurse all said this exact same statement... "Awww... she's almost TWO! Time to have another one!!"

Plus... we all know where The Queen stands on this one... (she wanted another one about 1 year 364 days ago!)

What do I look like? You people's personal egg fridge? C'mon!!!

I can hear you... "Oh, you know you're just dying to have another one!"... SHUT UP!!

No... no... nononono... *throws self on floor in two-year-old tantrum fashion*

BUT I DON'T WANNNNNNNNNA!!!

Yes... I love the O.C.

Yes... I want more

However... there is this HUGE and RESOUNDINGLY tear-filled child in me that says the following:

1. I hate having to eat all the time (it involves far too much time in a kitchen)

2. I hate growing enormously fatter by the millisecond

3. I hate wearing MuMus

4. I hate the exhaustion of carrying an extra 40-some pounds around daily

5. I hate not being able to shave my legs once a month

6. I hate not being able to see if my shoes match

7. I hate having strep throat for 5 months straight

8. I hate having my tonsils checked THE HARD WAY every month

9. I hate having everyone under the sun checking out my hoohaw during delivery (like I'm a prize heifer)

10. I hate "You're looking very pregnant!"

11. I hate puking at random intervals for no apparent reason

12. I hate swollen feet, aching backs, and heartburn.

13. I hate feet in my liver

14. I hate not sleeping on my stomach

15. I hate everything about the 6 weeks post-prego

16. I hate being puked on bi-hourly

17. I hate being pooped on

18. I hate poop

19. I hate absolutely every aspect from conception to about 4 months old!

That's right... I'm a miserable, bitchy, unholy Anti-Christ of a Pregnant COW!

That being said, the next person who offers me up as a baby factory will be handed an application to be a surrogate and nanny!

P.S. Unfortunately, since there is a limited number of broke crack-whores around here willing to give up their ~~welfare checks~~ children, I will probably be stuck carrying our next child. I will however stage a serious protest and may even stand on the front lawn with a sign that says, "HELL NO! WON'T PREGO!!"

And no... there's no date set YET! I'm still religiously sucking down little colored pills from the round disc... if I thought it'd be more effective, I'd take them two at a time!

A Day at the Circus!

2009-04-22T21:02:00.002-05:00

No! I did NOT visit my relatives! We really DID go to the circus!

So, the very first thing was the juggler! 15-years old and he was awesome! But I kept wondering how many broken lamps I'd have when P.C. tried to do some of those tricks in my livingroom!

Next, was the trapeze girl (age10)! Hanging upside down doing tricks from a hoop to the song... you'll never believe this... "Barbie girl!" My pedaphile alarm went on full alert as I search the stands for creepy guys sitting alone without children! GROSS!! Great act... but GROSS!! For those of you scratching your heads... google "Barbie Girl lyrics" and you'll totally understand why I puked!

I was a bit concerned about the clown issue because (if you don't already know) I'm terrified of them. But in all honesty, I think he was 12 and I've see Rodeo clowns with better acts.

The chick (16?) hanging from the ribbon was really awesome if you disregard the fact that she's weighed 12 pounds soaking wet and did a mid-air split that made my crotch scream in pain!

Swing jumpers... yawn!

Hula hoop chick... oh yes... that was a hoola hoop... on her foot... above her head!!

Fire eaters were awesome!

Floor acrobats? pssh... watch gymnastics!

Magician was cool!

Sponge Bob Square Pants running out to the theme song and then leaving... O... M... G... It's a CULT of little singing children!! SCARY!!

Chinese dragon/dog costumes (2 people in each) doing tricks on a platform and a giant ball? AWESOME!! Why? Because seeing four people climp on a ball and roll it over a teeter totter is cool enough, but seeing them do the trick while dressed in giant dog costumes... AWESOME!

All in all we had a great time... but one question seriously plagues me...

"Who inforces the child labor laws?"

SERIOUS!! I think there were 3 adults in the circus! They claimed it was "The Perez Family" but... um... lets just say that Mr. Perez did not "father" those sorority-clone blond haired, fair-skinned, girls!

And someone please tell me why the fiber-optic glow stick was $12 dollars (needless to say we settled for a $2 blow up dolphin)? And why P.C. paid $2 for a 12 ounce can of soda? P.C. (aka The Human Calculator) said he was counting up estimated profits off the products he could see being sold ($2 for a balloon!) and he stopped counting at $10,000.

Hope you all had a wonderful day!!

Have I done this one before?

2009-04-21T20:20:00.005-05:00

"Mirror mirror on the door

Have I done this meme before?"

Well... the mirror ~~might need to be taped back together~~ is giving me the silent treatment. So if I have... it really doesn't matter because it'll be different today than any other time. You know me ~~and my short attention span~~ and my wide spectrum of interests!

So here goes the Meme (as seen today!)

1. Were you named after anyone?

Yeppers! I was named after the 11th letter in the alphabet! Don't believe me? Just ask the 10th letter... she suggested it. Much better name than what the 18th letter suggested!

2. When was the last time you cried?

Did you read the previous post? YESTERDAY! Okay, in my defense it wasn't really an outright CRY. It was more like a ~~muffled scream~~ LEAK! But yeah, there was a drip and I earned it!

3. Do you like your handwriting?

Why yes! I think this font is lovely!

4. What is your favorite lunch meat?

Salami. ~~gag~~ Okay... so it WAS my favorite before I O.D'ed on Salami sandwiches in the first 3 months I was pregnant with the O.C. Come to think of it... I don't really like lunch meat any more. Or Burger King (staple of my second trimester!) That might be the reason I packed on 48 several pounds while PG.

5. Do you have kids?

No! I have one toddling terrorist. ~~But I'm convinced that Prince Charming must have cheated on me.~~ If it weren't for the overwhelming evidence ~~like the fact that my liver is now located to the left of my lung~~ I might be able to believe she was someone else's kid

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

Instinctively I'd say "NO!" I'm not mean, spiteful, dramatic, or otherwise a bad friend. But I'm definitely WACKO! So, yeah... as soon as I'm done with this, I think I'll go reassess my friends because it just became evident to me that they are a bunch of WEIRDOS too!!

7. Do you use sarcasm?

I once tried not to say anything that was sarcastic. However, ~~I learned I can't hold my breath for very long. After I regained consciousness,~~ I decided there was nothing wrong with a healthy dose of sarcasm!

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

Well, I don't have a mirror handy but the Doctor's never told me I should fine a theft report so I have to assume they're still in there.

9. Would you bungee jump?

No. But I would greatly enjoy watching a few people try it with ropes that were about 10 feet too long!

10. What is your favorite cereal?

Honey-Nut Donut Seeds!!

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

That would be awkward! I'd look pretty silly trying to untie my flip flops, high heels, mules, clogs, crocs, and otherwise laceless shoes! Here's a better question... do shoes with laces feel superior to other shoes for the extra attention?

What happened to #12?

He was standing too close to #13! Very unlucky!

13. What is your favorite ice cream?

Ben & Jerry's Half Baked! ~~brings back fond memories of burning the marijuana in the pastures~~ Because who doesn't love pasting pint size cartons of ice cream, cookie dough and fudge brownie to the cheeks of their ass?

14. What is the first thing you notice about people?

~~Whether or not they are wearing clothes!~~ Intelligence and Sense of Humor. I promise if you've ever spoke to me that I can tell in 60 second whether or not you have some type of intelligent thought process in your brain or whether you're a mindless clone of social expectations. I can also tell if you have any type of funny bone in your skeletal system. How do I know so quickly? If you're an ignorant amoeba, 60 seconds is plenty of time for me to say something that pisses you off. If you don't like my sense of humor, within 60 seconds you will either look at me like I've grown another head or you'll storm off mad!

15. Red or pink?

Have you talked to your doctor about this? It might be serious!

16. What is the least favorite thing about yourself?

~~My biological father.~~I'm pretty content with who I am. If I had to choose one thing, I'd say my ~~boobs~~ teeth.

17. Who do you miss the most?

Mom & Dad of course! 3 more days until we see them again!

18. Do you want everyone to complete this list?

Only if they're up to wasting some time and making me giggle!

19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing?

For the next 15 minutes and 32 seconds I'll be wearing grey slacks and invisible shoes. After that ~~I'm stripping naked~~ I'm putting on my pajamas.

How many times do I have to tell these numbers to stay away from that #13. She's a bad seed!!

21. What are you listening to right now?

"Rocking Into the Night" by .38 Special with background accompaniment brought to you by Over the Hedge from the O.C.'s bedroom.

22. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Take the whole box and microwave it!

23. Favorite smells?

Alfalfa and fresh rain. Is there such a smell as "unfresh rain"?

24. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

The Queen

25. Do you like the person who sent this to you?

Well, since she commented on my post and she doesn't seem to fall into the categories of Ignorant or Humorless... I'd have to say yes!

26. Favorite sports to watch?

You know that channel with the Japanese host and the translated commentary where they try to get through the obstacle course? Yeah!! LOVE IT!

27. Hair color?

Reddish blond.

27b. Colors it HAS been?

Black, Blackish-purple, Blackish-blue, Glow-in-the-dark green (you should know the glow-in-the-dark gel inside toys and badges smells very bad and cannot be easily washed out of your hair!)every shade of Blond, Hunter Orange, every shade of Red/Burgundy, and Hot Pink!

27c. Places you have died your hair!

*While cruisin' the strip *While shopping *In a department store bathroom *a Gas Station *a Hair Salon (duh right? WRONG! Let me explain. I did NOT hire them to dye my hair. I walked into their salon with a dye job already in the process and asked to use their sink because I was overdue for a rinse!)

28. Eye color?

Genetically Dominant Blue (look it up, blue is a recessive gene yet I have 5 blue-eyed siblings from 5 different dark-eyed mothers!)

29. Do you wear contacts?

When I'm in the mood to ~~stab my eyes out with rusty nails~~ put them in. But generally no.

30. Favorite food?

1/2-gallon of my Mom's goulash. Anything less than 1/2-gallon and it's just not worth sparking my appetite!

31. Scary movies or happy endings?

Apples and Oranges!! GEEZE!! A happy movie should end happy! A scary movie should end scary! And I don't mean the "grabs the ankle from the grave" make-me-yawn suspenseful scary! I mean, "you think they got away from the bad guys until the motorcycle stops on a well- lit highway and you realize they drove into a thin wire at 50MPH!" Yep! I'm a sicko!

32. Last movie you watched?

Haunting in Connecticut... and in my opinion... not that scary!

33. What color shirt are you wearing?

Grey with a yellow tartan print on it. Another $4.99 special at SEARS!

34. Summer or winter?

SUMMER! How dare you use such a horribly "W-word" in my presence!! You are officially off my Fav-5!!

35. Hugs or kisses?

Hugs... and for a very good reason. You can still hug a two-year old who has just munched down on a handful of OREOS!

OMG!! They got the #36 too!!! The HUMANITY!!

37. Most likely to respond?

The Queen

38. Least likely to respond?

The Queen

(I'd say my odds are 50/50 on this one!)

39. What book are you reading now?

Ahhh... now you're going to make me get up because I don't know the title. ~~Honestly, I've had it for a week and haven't started it yet!~~ It's called Secret Vampire by L.J. Smith.

40. What is on your mouse pad?

The name of my cable company! ~~It's the only service they've offered that never malfunctions!~~

41. What did you watch on t.v. last night?

Scrubs

42. Favorite sounds?

Silence... I think... It's been so long I don't really remember!

43. Rolling Stones or Beatles?

Ummm... I'm gonna say... PURPLE!! Wrong genre, wrong generation!

44. What is the farthest you've been away from home?

Sandy beaches, somewhere in the Caribbean, with turquoise water and beautiful Cabana boys serving perfect cocktails. But then I woke up!!

45. Do you have a special talent?

Several... but currently, I'm more impressed with your attention span. If you're still reading you deserve an award!!

46 Where were you born?

I don't know because my space ship was destroyed in the crash! And The Queen ~~couldn't afford~~ didn't find a refrigerator box until I was 20.

47. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting back?

Whomever can make me laugh! Or is that "whoever"? Reason #327 why I can't teach English!

48. How did you meet your spouse/significant other?

Carpooling to work!

Self Portrait #2 (An Afterthought)

2009-04-20T20:21:00.006-05:00

~~I was so infatuated with the last picture I shared that I had to share more.~~
Pam D suggested I compile my self portraits and show them off.
So, I ~~swooned~~ skimmed through my ~~masterpieces~~ snapshots and threw together a collage of ~~the magnificence that is me~~ random shots. 25 to be exact! There's a couple neat ones in here to point out.

4th row down in the middle was taken just hours before I found out I was PG with the OC!
The 5 red pictures (four corners and middle) were taken at 33 weeks prego when I was in desperate need of ~~being convinced I hadn't magically transformed into a giant troll-like hippo overnight~~ ~~a wide load sign~~ ~~an epidural~~ ~~a tequila shot~~ reassurance that Pregnant is still Beautiful!!
Middle row, 4th column is the inspiration for this sites header.
The oldest picture is bottom row, 2nd column. It's PRE-OC!

And just for good measure ~~because I couldn't resist one more fabulous look at myself~~ I thought I'd show off my new shirt. $4.99 at my favorite store (for those of you that don't know... that would be SEARS!) Unfortunately, ~~since I'm utterly stunning in every way~~ I ended up with a shot that ~~showed off my boobs~~ didn't show off my shirt. On the up side, it turned out to be a wonderful portrait. Glasses, no makeup, and worn all day hair!! ~~DAMN I'M SEXY~~

And in case you needed more reason to ~~famn over my fabulousness~~ think this is a great picture...

This is after 3 hours sleep, 6 hours of ~~pretending to work~~ work, and an hour of having a neurologist electrocute and stab me (wish I could strike that part out)!!! Thus the new shirt... it's my reward for not ~~screaming too loudly~~ crying like a baby as I had needles poked in my muscles. I swear, the doctor literally said, "I like doing this test. I'd never let anyone do it to me, but I like doing it!" (NO JOKE!) At which point I called her a masochist and she laughed. It sounded strangely like "MUAHAHAHAHA!!"

I swear if the ~~crazy Indian Anti-Christ~~ woman had opened her caftan, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would have rode out in a plague of locusts! At least she had a sense of humor. How crappy would it be to get stabbed by an expressionless ass with no emotion?

So, while I spend the rest of my evening ~~licking my wounds~~ running around the house in nothing but my new shirt, I hope the rest of you had a better Monday than me.

NOTE: Good news is there is absolutely nothing wrong with me! Okay, well there are a lot of things WRONG with me... but nothing that can be diagnosed by MRI (I learned I'm not clausterphobic), EEG (Yes, there is actual brain function up there), EMG or blood work. Unfortunately, that still leaves me with what has now been labeled "benign twitching" all over my body. ANNOYING to say the very least!

I ♥ Faces -- Week 15:Self Portrait

2009-04-20T02:17:00.004-05:00

Call it simple narcissism... after all... I am a PRINCESS!! But I have been waiting FOREVER for this week's contest!Why?~~Because I'm absolutely obsessed with myself~~ Because no one ever takes pictures of me and I don't own a tripod. Which means... ~~I take it upon myself to boost my own ego.~~ I have to take all of my own pictures at arms reach. AND... ~~Since I totally love making myself look awesome.~~ Since I like to change my profile pictures often, I have an entire folder full of "Self Portraits".So when it came right down to it...~~I was too busy staring at my own reflection to pick the best one.~~I had a difficult time choosing since there are so many.BUT...~~The rules won't let me plaster my beautiful self all over your computer screen~~I finally decided this one is FABULOUS!

The only alterations to this were cropping off an edge ~~because no one wants to see my bathtub~~, increasing the lighting ~~to erase a few imperfections~~ and adding some warmth ~~so it at least appears I have some pigment to my transparent flesh~~

It happens to be one of my favorites!

Go ~~show off~~ share your "Self Portrait" this week! I know you all have cameras so get to it!!P.S. Dear Queen... there's that picture of you in the front yard after you "fixed your haircut" and frankly, if you took it by hand... YOU SHOULD TOTALLY ENTER IT BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME!!

Flash is AWESOME!!

2009-04-19T01:39:00.004-05:00

See that thing ^^^^^ (I hope it loads for you!)

It's my new toy! I actually made it as a new header, but it's way too much work right now to set the whole thing up... but seriously... play around with it... it's awesome. You can click the OC or Queen to go to their sites. I'm going to have a blast with this new toy. I had to shrink it for now b/c like I said... too much work to set it all up tonight.

So let me know if it works. Let me know if you like it or hate it. Check out their site and play around. You won't be able to make one this small unless you know a bit of html to shrink the height and width... but seriously... check it out and let me know what you think.

Nighty nite!

P.S. I soooo didn't go to bed like I should. I was too excited playing with the new toy. So go check out what I made... I plan to do more with this in the future! Let me know what you think!! It's early morning now... I'm going to bed.

CHECK IT OUT WHILE I'M SLEEPING

For the Queen

2009-04-18T01:00:00.004-05:00

Okay... since you deleted your follower widget I was worried b/c you can't get followers now.

So here's what you do...

Take this Button and save to your computer.
Add the followers back on
Log out
Go to your page (logged out)
Click Follow (as if you wanted to follow yourself)
Copy the link for the window that opens.
Log back in.
Add the button image as a picture. Link it to the "copied link".
Save

That should work. If not, it was worth a shot!

Loves and g'nite!

Happy After Easter!!

2009-04-13T21:02:00.004-05:00

According to the package... The proper serving size of these is 12 pieces. Each bag contains about 9 servings. Each serving contains 180 calories.

By my calculations, I CAN eat an entire bag of these!! I will only be consuming 1620 calories (the daily recommendation is 2000 right?)

I will only be getting three times my recommended Saturated Fats, 36% of my sodium, 72% of my carbs. Plus... there's no risk in overdosing on healthy vitamins like Calcium or Iron!!

As a bonus, I'll be getting ZERO cholesterol, 36% of my dietary fiber and 36 grams of protein... which in my book indicates these are GOOD FOR YOU!!

So... thank you very much CHRIS!! I'll be going to work tomorrow with mini-eggs glued to my butt!! I hope you have nightmares about PEEPS!!

Easter Tradition

2009-04-12T15:20:00.002-05:00

Since the birth of my daughter, our family has been all about starting new traditions! I guess there is nothing wrong with the "old" family traditions (I'm sure we've all gotten drunk and passed out in an Easter ham before). It's just that decorating beer bottles with bunny ears and hunting for Uncle Auto's stash isn't really my idea of a kid-friendly Easter.

So yesterday the OC and I sat on the front porch and dyed ~~the sidewalk~~ eggs. (check her site for the pictures) This afternoon we put on our pretty Easter dress, did our hair and went outside to find the eggs Mommy hid. Now, the dexterity of a two-year old is limited, so we'll forgive the fact that only 5 eggs survived unbroken. (again, the pictures are on OC's site)

But in the "new" tradition of Easter, no one will be passed out drunk on the porch, no one will go to jail, and no hate mail will be sent afterwards (though both OC and Mommy may run around the house in our underwear for the rest of the day since there's no one to impress!)

I searched the card isle once again this year, but there is still no Hallmark card which says, "Here's hoping the Easter Bunny crawls up your ass and craps chocolate eggs until they come out your ears!" So I guess there will be no need to mail out cheerful cards to the ex-family!

However, I'd still like to send wonderful wishes to all my TRUE family and friends (in otherwards, anyone who can moderate their liquor intake enough that they can still say "Happy Easter") Here's hoping that you have a wonderful time with your family (and/or friends) and if you are unlucky enough to still have people in your life like my ex-family... break out the makeup and paint a bunny face on your brother when he passes out in front of the television with a beer in his hand!

WISHING YOU ALL A HIPPITY HOPPITY FUN-FILLED EASTER!!!

Back By Popular Demand

2009-04-08T21:39:00.002-05:00

Okay... a few guidelines before you read this post

This is 100% true story. This is in no way exagerated, embellished or otherwise fluffed up for your entertainment and amusement. These are actual emails that took place between my Uncle and me.
Please pee, put down your hot beverage, and place pillows around your chair prior to reading this. I will not be held responsible for accidents or injuries.
If this does not make you laugh you need to seek psychiatric help because you are seriously messed up in the head! I mean... I know my sense of humor is hard to get sometimes, but this is no frills, no special effects FUNNY!

I now present to you...

THE DIARY OF A STAMP

A few years ago when I could stand to speak with certain members of my family without the feeling that a lie detector was buzzing in my ear every 5 minutes, I decided I needed to send a letter to my Grandparents. Unfortunately, I'm lazy. The letters get written. The envelopes get addressed. And months later I find the sealed, stamped envelope at the bottom of a stack of papers. To assure my letter got to my Grandparent's I decided I would email it to my youngest Uncle as he lived 6 blocks away from them. I kindly asked him to deliver it for me. He did so and a few days later I got this message in my email.

Dear Niece,

I was more than happy to deliver your note to Ma & Pa. It arrived at our house okay. But, while driving across town, I ran over something that destroyed my tire before flying up and cutting my oil filter. I sat down my beer and changed my tire. Just as I was finishing, a cop pulled up to help. After seeing the open beer bottle, he started asking a lot of questions that I didn't have time, or desire to hear. This is when my friend "Bud" started thinking that we could out run said copper. About a mile down the road, Bud remembered the damaged oil filter. The loud knocking noise was the first hint. Bud and I discovered a Tracker will go about 1.4 miles with no oil. At this time, Bud is thinking, "Cops eat a lot of donuts, I'll bet we can out run him on foot." After only 3 or 4 steps, the nice copper tackled me on the ground. He offered me a ride and gave me some bracelets, so here is your bill for
delivering your letter!

1 tire...................................$ 67.45
1 oil filter............................$ 6.75
1 Motor installed................$1500.01
Bail.....................................$ 300.00
Lawyer...............................$2800.02
Fines...................................$ 700.03
Insurance Increase.............$3500.04
-------------------------------------
Total...................................$8864.30

Now, how hard is it to HIT THE PRINT KEY AND BUY A FREAKING STAMP!!!

Sincerely,
Uncle Auto

As you can guess, I could not help but respond accordingly:

Uncle Auto,

I have reviewed the bill you sent me very carefully and I have concluded the following:Goodyear tire estimates that the average motorist in North America travels about 12,000 miles each year. The delivery that I requested was appoximately a 1.2 mile drive. Considering that, the mechanical repairs on your vehicle should be reduced to 1/10,000th of the total. (approximately 16 cents) Considering you likely would have driven this distance regardless of whether you were delivering my letter or not, I feel that you are still responsible for 1/2 of the remaining cost. Making me responsible for 8 cents of your mechanical repairs.

Now let's address your criminal charges. The way I see it 99% of these charges should be blamed on your friend "Bud", who apparently gave you very ill advise in a time of crisis. Of the remaining 1%, I must hold you 99% responsible for listening to your friend as we all know he doesn't have the best history for good advice. The remaining 1% of that should be equally split between myself and your wife, whom obviously made you drink that beer. Thus, my conclusion in regards to your criminal costs is that Bud should be responsible for $3762.04, You should be responsible for $37.62. The remaining 39 cents should be split between me and your wife, making me responsible for 20 cents.

Finally, we will address the matter of your raised insurance in the amount of $3500.04. First, as insurance is based on the driving history of the insured drivers, we must first cut this amount in half and place half of the blame on your wife. This reduces said bill to $1750.02. Next, the way I see it is you have been driving for approximately 30 years which adds up to 10950 days. My letter was involved in just one of these days and therefor I feel I'm only responsible for 1/10950th of your driving history. Using these figures, I estimate that my responsiblity for your insurance costs are 16 cents.

The revised bill is as follows:

1 tire, 1 oil filter, 1 engine installed.............$0.08
bail, lawyer fees, & fines...........................$0.20
raised insurance cost...............................$0.16
------------------------------------------------
Total cost to me.......................................$0.44

Now, normally, I make around $9.00 an hour giving advice to students and assisting with problems. Due to the fact that you have done so much free mechanical work for me in the past, I'm going to do you a favor and provide you with equally valuable advice for a flat rate of 44 cents.

First, I must recommend that you forget your wife is partially to blame for this misspent adventure and write it off as the price you pay for "marital bliss"

Secondly, though I don't think it will do you much good, you should send a bill to your friend "Bud" in the amount of $3762.04 for your criminal costs. Here, I must advise you that Bud is a bad role model for you. He is a bad influence on your fragile sensibilities and he will only lead you to further trouble in the future. Perhaps you should consider cutting all ties with him and find more positive influences in your life. Word on the street is that Bud is a bad guy. He's been seen in the company of many bad characters like Jack, Jose, and even the notorious Mary Jane. More often than not, he seems to be associated with criminal activities world wide. You need to find out who you are and stop letting Bud tell you who should be. I know you like Bud and he's fun to be around, but considering your history together I just don't think that he is a very good friend to you. How many nights has Bud spent in jail for you? Think about it.

Best Wishes,
Princess K

Clearly offended, Uncle Auto responded as follows:

Niece,

In a shameless attempt to get out of paying a bill, you have attacked all my friends. After telling them about your comments, there replies were as follows:
Mary Jane said, "I need to weed out the bad kin and smoke 'em!"
Jose responded with "Senor Rojo been berry berry good!"
Jack thinks you hate him because he's black!
Then there's Bud. Bud cannot believe the terrible things you, a fellow horse lover, said about him. He wonders if you realize that a total disassociation with Bud would result in 5 majectic Cleidsdales starving to death? And wonders if you should be teaching our youths.

Till next time,
Uncle Auto

It was obvious that he was taking my efforts to help him as a personal attack on his friends. Anyone who knows my family can tell you that the only disease that can survive in our bloodstream is alcoholism. Knowing that the bond between him and his friends is very strong (and none of my family would be sobering up for an intervention) I decided to cut my losses and hope I didn't get any collection calls on the matter. No doubt, we are both better off since the severing of family ties. I no longer need to waste stamps or bandwidth on letters and Uncle Auto can no longer blame me for his misadventures.

Now you all understand why I'm so messed up in the head. Be sympathetic with me.

Heheh... I saw it and you have to wait!!

2009-04-07T21:31:00.002-05:00

That's right...

It was illegal

It was stolen

It got a guy fired

The FBI are involved

And now it's been pulled so you can't see it until May 1st!!

SUCKERS!!!

BTW... It was great!!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Oh... and in case you want to whine about how I'm ruining the industry?

My $15 clearance/second-hand outfits really don't care if your Gucci shoes and Armani suits have enough company!

Redo?

2009-04-02T14:57:00.003-05:00

The Queen thinks she needs a redo in life. More time with those she loves and less time wasted along the way on things that didn't matter.

I must remind her... a redo changes everything!

Take away the bad and you would never be the "better person" that you are today.
Add more time with those you love and risk adding bad memories and potentially losing those wonderful moments you cherish!
More money, a different job, a better education... all of these things would change the path that you chose in life.
Remove the "bad" people and you may never have met the wonderful people you hold dear.

So I honestly admit, while I've made my fair share of mistakes and errors along the way. And there are people I wish I had given less and people I'd love to give more... I would never be willing to spin that "Redo Roulette Wheel" and risk losing the good things in the hopes of something better.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That being said... I sure wouldn't mind a redo on the Mexican Enchilladas I had for lunch!!

Love From Paris!!

2009-04-01T19:04:00.003-05:00

Hahahaha! Like I can afford Paris!! Besides... I just watched "Taken" and... well... no thanks, I'll stick to the safe countries like Croatia, Rowanda, and Iraq!

But you have to admit that Prince Charming and I make a damn cute couple!!

Happy April Fool's!!

Check out the funny Photo Tutorial at iHeartFaces.com

Nothing much to say!

2009-03-28T16:31:00.002-05:00

I know... I know... you're dying to hear from me!

But frankly... it's pretty boring here!

So... to satisfy you're hunger, I'll refer you to my favorite blogger (wink)

The O.C. will happily tell you how her day is going!!

I won an Award!!

2009-03-25T16:29:00.003-05:00

Okay... I don't know who got the bright idea of nominating me... but WOOHOO!! Thanks a bunch!!

I won!

That's right... I have awesome friends!!

Love & Hugs!!

Artful Inspiration

2009-03-15T02:01:00.010-05:00

One of my favorite art projects is altering books. Normally I would rather donate a book than destroy it, but when this Reader's Digest came in the mail I couldn't help but picture a wonderful canvas. Some might say that these sketches would look better on a blank piece of paper, but I believe the text adds something wonderful to the pictures. So while you all know I can "trace" images digitally, I thought I'd share some of my hands on work with you :)

Woman in a Poncho

(This is not my favorite, just a sketch playing around with my markers)

Summer Tree
(I love the whimsy of this tree. It just makes me beam happiness!)
Fairy Dew Drops
(a small sketch on a folded page between the tree and the frog)
Frog Prince
(Yes, I know... he's floating! But I love it!)
Roses Cannot Know True Love
(The verse is original. I never did get why roses stand for love. I think love should be represented by something more hearty... like... I dunno... thistles!)
Pity for Humanity
(I love this angel and have drawn her many times. My favorite is one with broken stained-glass wings.)
Mother Earth
(This turned out far better than I expected when I started. I think I'll write some verse in silver on the black area.)
Sleeping Buddha
(I'm debating on whether to use silver to fill in the buddha. I love the look, he just doesn't stand out the way I'd like. Maybe even a quote in the outer circle.)

Who Am I? (Creative Writing)

2009-03-13T23:15:00.004-05:00

This is my all time favorite writing exercise and I got it from Granny Nanny. I love it because it allows you to pull out of yourself the things that wouldn't normally come to mind when you think of who you are. It makes you go beyond "I am a wife, a mother, a teacher," and think about the little things that molded you into what you are, as well as the heritage you hold on to.

After you read mine, feel free to fill in the template and form your own "Who Am I?"

------------------

I am from handmade quilts tied with love on a livingroom floor,
from tall glasses of ice-cold Lipton tea that only Mom can make just right
and Dad's yellow cake with chocolate frosting for breakfast.
I am from run down,
pieced together,
and the smell of sweet alfalfa after a warm summer's rain.
I am from the annoying musk thistle,
the persistant goathead sticker.
I am from branding on a hot Sunday afternoon
and my Father's cold blue eyes;
from Cleta
and Elsie
and Beulah
I am from very bull-headed
and slightly redneck.
From "don't steal from me"
and "don't lie to me."
I am from the Mormon Tabernacle
and Mother Earth,
where Spirit is something unique to each of us.
I am from a small midwest town
and the pioneers who traveled across these plains,
homemade noodles
and goulash.
From the baseball player who chose to farm,
the man who took in another's children,
and the one who never cared for his own.
I am from the boxes in my mother's basement,
a hopechest full of memories,
and the love that holds my family together.

-----------------------

Your turn!

CREATIVE WRITING TEMPLATE

I am from _______ (specific ordinary item),
from _______ (product name)
and _______ (anything).

I am from the _______ (home description... adjective, adjective, sensory detail).

I am from the _______ (plant, flower, natural item),
the _______ (plant, flower, natural detail)
I am from _______ (family tradition)
and _______ (family trait),
from _______ (name of family member)
and _______ (another family name)
and _______ (family name).
I am from the _______ (description of family tendency)
and _______ (another one).

From _______ (something you were told as a child)
and _______ (another).

I am from (representation of religion, or lack of it).
(Further description.)

I'm from _______ (place of birth and family ancestry),
_______ (two food items representing your family).

From the _______ (specific family story about a specific person and detail),
the _______ (another detail),
and the _______ (another detail about another family member).

I am from _______ (location of family pictures, mementos, archives and several more lines indicating their worth).

You can elaborate as much (or as little) as you want. Either way, it is a neat way to look at yourself.

Housekeeping (Day 1 of 3)

2009-03-13T21:26:00.002-05:00

Okay, we have apartment inspections on Monday. My goal is to have this place sparkling by then (since my landlord felt the need to let herself in and critisize my housekeeping). So, here's the list of things I did today. Maybe it will inspire you to get a security system to keep unwelcome visitors out.

2 loads of dishes
steamed and wiped down the microwave
wiped down part of the counters
picked up the trash
picked up the laundry from the bedroom
picked up O.C.'s toys from last night
Found the remote to her TV
wiped down a couple of the walls that were a bit greasy
CLR'ed the dish drainer
cleaned out the med cabinet
wiped down the tables
folded some blankets and fluffed some pillows
Bleached the toilet
Can's bagged for recycle

Since the LL is so freaked out, I must have found growling critters in all the corners... right? Wrong!! I found one skillet of dried on hamburger, a bowl of cereal from last night, and one nasty sippy cup hiding under the couch. Other than that... there is nothing I can't tackle... which says a lot since I have the world's weakest stomach and PC has to do the nasty stuff.

So... while she sent me a nice note of concern wanting to know if we were okay and if we needed her help... I can't help but think!!

PULLLEEEAAASSSEEE!! It only looked trashed because a days worth of soda cans were waiting for recycle and dishes were stacked for washing. I know how bad it looked because I gritted my teeth expecting something to bite me... but really, it was just a surface mess.

I sure wish I only worked 16 hours each week and had all my kids in school so I could stay home and make sure dust particles didn't land on my TV stand! Yes... I still like her. Yes... I'll still be civil. But seriously, if she wasn't such a sweetie to me, I'd really like to bitch slap her!

*thinks how hilarious it would have been if PC would have walked out of the bedroom naked while she was letting herself inside* Of course we'd have to place bets on who would be more embarassed!

Mutany is Afoot!!

2009-03-11T00:43:00.001-05:00

Check out the lies a 2-year-old can tell about Mommy!!

Shipping and Handling Charges May Apply!

2009-03-09T20:20:00.005-05:00

O.C. was happily playing in the living room. When I returned from the bathroom, she was nowhere to be seen. The only clues that she existed were the cheerios strewn on the floor and a half full sippy cup on the coffee table. I quickly scanned the room to discover this....

On my hands and knees I began to investigate!....

I guess someone wants to be mailed somewhere with warmer weather too!!

Have a great week... SPRING BREAK is only 2.5 workdays away!! WOOHOOO!!!

Layout

2009-03-05T00:20:00.002-06:00

Celtic Buffy - Please email me at PrincessK.Designs@yahoo.com so we can set your layout up.

IN OTHER NEWS...
This is actually a first draft for Cassey. As usual, I'm not completely sold on it. The road in the background is bugging me because I can't get it to look the way it does in my head. Anyway, I'm putting it out there for Cassey to look at and I'm totally open to ideas on it. Color changes are easy and if there's any ideas about the background I'm totally open to something better. I've tried a couple of ideas for the road and they either come out too cluttered or just stupid. I really like the girl, but if Cassey doesn't I'll try something else and save the girl for another layout.

Anyway, let me know what you think and if you have ideas to make it better.

Why are you crying?

2009-03-01T22:01:00.008-06:00

Despite the smile on her face, just moments before the picture was taken she was whining about a mysterious delima? Can you guess what is wrong with this child?

Looks perfectly normal right? I mean, footsy p.j.'s on a warm night... Smile on her face because she loves cameras... she should be perfectly happy...

Until you notice this...

I forsee a life of shoplifting in her future... either that or some strange fetish!! Scary!

Granny & C.B. -- email me at PrincessK.Designs@yahoo.com and we'll work out the best way to install your layouts!

Everyone else -- check out my newest layout at Chris's place!! You know you want to see it before she does... lol.

Granny Nanny

2009-03-01T16:25:00.009-06:00

Okay, this one was a little harder. The pool table was the start of the idea, but my original idea turned out way to green and icky. So... adding in a few more elements, I finally came up with this one. It's not quite like the other's I've made, but I do like it.

It's got purple carpet. It's got a pool table. It's got a purple martini (couldn't find a good picture of a vegas bomb). And the legs? Well... if you're going to pimp out a Princess you'd better have some good taste in shoes!

My favorite part? The header. It's Granny's family!! I redrew them so they looked cartoony and added some neon bar signs behind them. Oh yeah... it's animated too!! The title flashes from the neon purple shown, to the neon green over in her little logo!! That is awesome!

Only thing I don't like? Because the header is animated I have to put it in using html. As a result, I can't center it.

Now... I do hope she likes it, but it isn't very "Granny-ish" so if she'd rather have a more traditional look, I'd be happy to try again.

Well DAMN! I can't seem to get it to post so you can click for a bigger pic like the others. So I'll improvise and show you the header.

Celtic Buffy2

2009-03-01T00:39:00.003-06:00

Here's the bright version I came up with. I definately like this one a lot better. The images were hand drawn (I did add a very light overlay of the photos to get some realistic detail shading).

I lowered the left column to make the beach towels visible, but everything scrolls up like normal. That can be put back to the original height if you prefer.

Again, don't worry about my feelings, you have to look at your blog every day so it's important you're happy with it.

Again, waiting for something to go with on Baseball Mom and Cassey. I think I have an idea for Granny, but we'll have to wait and see how it turns out!

Intellectual Conversation

2009-02-28T23:12:00.002-06:00

Sadly, it is the smartest thing I've heard all day... and yes... she's 22 months old!

Me: Lets get a panty on.

O.C.: Nooooo

Me: yeesss... you need a panty

O.C.: Nooooo

Me: C'mon, you need a panty

O.C.: Nooooo

Me: Why don't you want a panty?

O.C.: Yagga Bagga Dink

Me: We'll get a dink (pacifier), but you need a panty?

O.C.: Nooooo

Me: Why?

O.C.: Whhhhyyy

Me: Why don't you want a panty?

O.C.: I pee!

Me: I know, that why you need a panty!

O.C.: Nooooo

Me: Yes (procedes to put a diaper on her without cooperation)

O.C.: I butt!!!

Yes... yes she is! But at least she knows it!

I Heart Paint.net

2009-02-28T08:01:00.000-06:00

So... I absolutely think paint.net (free photoshop) is the most awesome program on earth!
I was playing around with some photos last night and here's the result.

The original photo is just a snapshot I took in my bathroom of all places (hey, it's got the best lighting). I originally wanted to play around with eyes and this is a nice close up.
So yeah... you won't get it unless you've read the House of Night series by P.C. Cast and her daughter. Needless to say... totally addicted and so rushing to the book store to pick up book five in two weeks. Anyway, the point is it's a vampire series in which the vampires have tattoos on their faces. If you're into that sort of thing (i.e. addicted to Twilight) you should check these books out. Be forewarned, if your religiously closed minded (i.e. you think Harry Potter and Golden Compass are evil) don't even bother. So... back to the playing...

I brightened up those eyes amazingly! Then I softened the portrait, cut and pasted a new background, and added some blurs. But then my boredom kicked in and I started hand drawing these swirly tattoos on the face. Basically I just wanted to see how much I could do with the program. After a lot of patience, some more bluring, tinting, etc... I got this awesome gold look. Love it!!

But my eyes are blue, so I thought I'd play around some more with colors. This one makes me think of some water goddess. It looks absolutely awesome with a water reflection on it, but that makes it so big I didn't want to post it.

Playing around a little more, I decided to add another layer of texture to the picture. Messing around with overlays I stumbled onto this look. I love the vintage feel crossed with some foresty fairy look. That shade of green rocks!

Anyway, I was just playing around and thought you all might enjoy a little artsy entertainment on a wonderful Saturday! And if you don't have the cash to fork out for Photoshop, go grab the free program at http://www.paint.net/ because it does some awesome things. It takes a bit to learn it all (I'm still learning new tricks) but if you just play around with it you can have a lot of fun!!

CelticBuffy

2009-02-27T21:05:00.005-06:00

Okay... I'm not too sure on this one. It wasn't as easy as the others. But I found these photos that were perfectly beachy so I redrew them and kinda liked the look. However, I don't know if it's too dreary or not.

So let me know if you like it or not. Don't worry... you can't hurt my feelings

I've got an idea for a "brighter" beachy look if that's more your style.

Still need some ideas from Granny, Baseball Mom, and Cassey if you want one. If you're totally stuck on an idea, just tell me some details about you (fav. color, something you like, favorite quote... just an idea to start from and I'll go from there)

Get your requests in... it's the weekend and I'm feeling creative!!

Toews Tails

2009-02-26T02:38:00.004-06:00

So here's the design idea I came up for my co-worker's blog. I think it fits her perfectly. I'll find out today whether she likes it or not ((crossing fingers)). Oh... in case you were wondering... I stole the idea of the sheep from another sketch, but all the images were hand drawn and colored by me using Paint.net.
Who's next and do you have any ideas for what you want?

Got tagged

2009-02-25T22:02:00.008-06:00

I got tagged for a meme. No surprise that it was the Queen herself! As if torturing me for twenty-nine years is not enough, she harasses me in blogland too!!

So here's the deal:

"Your ship has sunk. You have, of course, been stranded on a
deserted island. You have salvaged a copy of the King James Version of the Bible
and a copy of the complete works of Shakespeare. Nothing else.
“The very next day you find one of those Arabian Lamps in the
sand. Of course, you rub it and, of course, a rather grumpy Genie appears.
“‘Let’s get this straight - there is a recession going on. There
are restrictions on the three wishes now. I don’t do water or air transport now
so no boats, planes or magic carpets. As for electronics, forget it. There isn’t
the infrastructure on this island.
“‘I can let you have one book and I mean one VOLUME, one
essential item and one luxury item. Now hurry up and make your choices, I have
to get to those five other islands you are going nominate.

MY BOOK

Too practical for you? Sorry, but even though I'm a born farm girl, I must confess that I am very ANTI-BUG, ANTI-SPIDER, ANTI-CREEPY and ANTI-ICKY! Therefore, I will definately be in need of some really good tips on how to create a BUG-FREE, SPIDER-FREE, UNCREEPY, DE-ICKYFIED bungalo in which to relax and enjoy my unplanned vacation.

MY ESSENTIAL... a lifetime supply of B-12

Yes, MORE PRACTICAL!! Why? Two very good reasons.

The first being that my body requires at least 1000 micrograms daily of this stuff to function. And frankly, that's the equivilant of like 2 tons of dead animal per day. While I am definately NOT against the eating of lesser beings, I am against exterminating all other living creatures on my island within the first week. I am also against eating myself into a ginormous monster who dies of cardiac arrest.
Secondly, without this vitamin I turn into a shaky, babbling idiot and will eventually progress into varying forms of dementia. Right... just what this peaceful island needs. Some chick who looks like she just stepped out of THE RING, shakily stumbling around the beach licking the coconut trees and chasing invisible bats! This is definately my ESSENTIAL!

And lastly... My LUXURY:

What good is being able to survive and remain undemented if you don't have a nice place to sit back and relax? And if you think this PRINCESS will be hunting down enough lice-ridden SKY RATS to stuff this thing, you need the B-12 worse than me.

That being said, I tag the following (this is hard because Mom steals all my friends!):

Cassey - because she needs something to blog about other than her job and I'm all about helping a girl out!!
Celtic Buffy - because paycuts suck and frankly I think we could all use a deserted island these days.
Baseball Mom - because she's stuck with her layout for the time being. Nothing says makeover like a lobster sunburn and sand in your butt.
Granny Nanny - because she's had a week off and she always comments. Maybe I can spark her interest!
YOUR NAME HERE... because obviously I don't have enough non-stolen friends. So if you are a friend who has not been corrupted by the EVIL QUEEN... let me know... I need a pick me up!! :)

All Politicians Lie

2009-02-22T17:17:00.003-06:00

First and foremost, you should know that I am a Republican who changed my party status to Democrat this year because...

The Republican party called my to ask for donations to their campaign (I realize this is normal policy, but nothing ticks me off more than rich people begging for money from me when I live in low-income housing!)
When I began researching MY candidates, I found that their websites were not keyed to addressing important issues, but instead aimed at attacking various democratic candidates! GROW UP!! Enough High School DRAMA!!
I admittedly felt that Palin was unprepared for the position. While many women loved her, I felt she came across as a total fake.
I highly disapprove of many choices Bush has made (even though I voted for him twice).

So yes... I voted Democratic this year. I voted for Obama because I felt he represented much need CHANGE in our country. I did not vote under the disillusionment that he would bring forth some fabulous utopia. I highly expect that many of this "hopes" will shatter against the brick wall that is our government policy. I do not expect miracles from the man. He was handed a country in a tragic state and all I ask is that he do his best to salvage what he can.

HOWEVER...

I'm afraid if I had known everything, I may have reconsidered my position. On of the few things that was important to me was the hope of a military withdraw.

"America, it is time to start bringing our troops home! It's time, it's
time to admit that no amount of American lives can resolve the political
disagreement that lies at the heart of someone else's civil war. That's
why I have a plan that will bring our combat troops home by March of 2008!" --
Obama (at a public speech)

Admittedly, I'll give him credit that he MAY have had a plan and simply could not get the support of other political leaders in this country. I do not know when this speech was given, only that he may not have been in a position to fulfill his plan before his spoken deadline. That does not change the following facts.

On May 12, during a campaign speech, Obama stated, "I opposed this war in 2002! That's why I will bring this war to an end in 2009!" And on May 21st... "I will bring this war to an end in 2009."

However, in Fox News interview he stated:

"I've always said that the pace of the withdrawl would be dictated by the safety
and security of our troops and the need to maintain stability...uh... That
assessment has not changed."

And worse yet! When flat out confronted in an interview on Chicago Tonight:

Interviewer: "You said you thought troops should be
withdrawn."
Obama: "No, no! I've never said troo... I... I've never said
that... I... uh... troops should be withdrawn. What I've said is that we've got
to make sure that we secure and execute... uh... the rebuilding and
reconstruction process effectively and properly and I don't think we should have
an artificial deadline... uh... when to do that. I think what's important is, is
that we have a long-term plan in process and a short-term securit... uh...
uh...."

Again, I do not know the dates of these interviews. But the two-faced LIE seriously bothers me. In a turbulant time, when I worry about the future this country will hold for my daughter, I don't want to believe that our country is being fed more and more lies.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BE HONEST?!?! WHY DO THEY ALL HAVE TO "POSE" FOR THE CAMERAS?!?! DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK I WANT TO HEAR... TELL ME WHAT IS TRULY ON YOUR MIND!!! IF WE AS AMERICA COULD SIMPLY GROW UP AND BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER, MAYBE WE COULD GET OUT OF THIS HOLE THAT LIES HAVE DRUG US DOWN INTO!!

In case you don't believe me...

Why You Shouldn't Post Your Photo Online!! evil laughter

2009-02-19T17:45:00.005-06:00

I swear...

I was completely innocent today...

until my co-worker stumbled on a really fun site.

Then... the evilness began!!

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!

So...

a little web surfing...

gathering of blackmail material...

use of seamingly innocent websites...

And I just couldn't resist!!

Seriously!

It's Thursday...

I was bored...

And I figured you could all use a good laugh!!

I now present...

MEAN GIRLS!!

ROTFLMAO...

Okay... I admit it...

I peed a little!!

Also...

Check out my creations to the left...

And if you want revenge...
Go to http://www.faceinhole.com/ for some great fun!!

*----------------------------------------*

And per her request... Here's FW in my wig and tiara... I'm definately going to have to get some better security around here!! Dang dragon isn't worth his weight in rats!!

For Grandma

2009-02-19T03:45:00.003-06:00

When I put this together, the pictures went nicely with the lyrics and the one video appeared in a musical part. Unfortunately, there was a glitch and now the clip is a bit messed up. Still, I LOVE this song by Loudon Wainwright III from the Knocked Up Soundtrack.

Hope Grandma enjoys!!... okay... everyone else can enjoy it too... I suppose!

I can't believe the O.C. will be 2 in May!!

Anyone know when amnesia will kick in and I'll forget how miserable I was pregnant? Because I really need to forget if we're going to be having any more kids in this lifetime. Frankly, if I don't forget... O.C. will be an only child because PREGO SUCKS BIG MONKEY TOES!!

A Present for FW

2009-02-18T09:57:00.004-06:00

If you don't know... she's super excited about Root & Sprout! She's a great asset to them and promotes like mad! I love it!! Love her enthusiasm and the fact that it makes her happy!

So... If you hadn't noticed, I'm feeling particularly crafty these days. And this morning, I threw something together for FW!! I hope she likes it!

WOOHOO!!! I GOT IT!! COMPLETE WITH CODE SO YOU CAN STEAL IT!! HERE GO BABE!!

My Way Day (Feb 17th)

2009-02-17T11:41:00.000-06:00

That's right... I called it... no stealing it!! Today is MY WAY DAY!! So here's how it's going to be!!

I want a cheeseburger... with everything... and big, fat, potatoey, crinkle fries! (yes, it's 11:34 and hunger is priority #1... please deliver it!)
I want to go home to a clean house! (get off your bloggie butts and go clean it please)
I want a raise! (Oh hush... if you all pool your money you can afford it!)
I want free babysitting! (You know you want her to shred your mail and plant donut seeds in your carpet!)
I want people around me to smile even if their days sucks! (Because frankly, I don't need your snide crap just because you're in a pissy mood!)
I want everyone to leave me a comment (because I will so come harrass your blog if you don't!)
I want a winning lottery ticket! (I don't mean one of those 'free ticket' numbers either!... but I'm not greedy, I'd settle for 4 or 5 digits!)
I want someone to file my papers for me. (All of them... neatly... today!)
I want a personal hair-stylist! (I'm having a perpetual bad hair life!)
I want to never have to shave my legs again. (I don't care if someone comes over and shaves them for me, or if you pool your money for electrolosis... just figure something out!)

So... that's the basics of MY WAY DAY!!

I suppose, if YOUR WAY does NOT interfere with MY WAY then you too can celebrate MY WAY DAY!! (i.e. You cannot be excused from commenting because that violates my right to a comment!)

However, I will not accept anyone stepping on MY WAY DAY toes! I'm wearing steel-toes and I certainly don't think I'm being unreasonable!

Princess Designs

2009-02-16T20:13:00.002-06:00

Okay everyone... I really enjoy making blog layouts.

I think it would be a blast to do for money... however, being the totally unselfish and loving blogger I am... I refuse to start out that way.

So first, go check out Princess Designs to see what I've been playing around with.

Then... let me know if you are interested. If you're not... that's fine... but some of you are still using the generic blogs and if you're interested in custom designs I will do them FOR FREE!!

Why?

Because I love you...

I want your advertising...

I need to start somewhere...

I need feedback...

I love to pimp myself out...

Oh yeah...

And I love you!!!

A few stipulations...

You have to be a CURRENT follower of my blog. (I can't offer this free to every Tom, Dick, and Harry -- I'd be busy all the time.)
If you use my design, you would of course have to have an awesome matching sticker advertising for me.
You have to be patient with me while I figure out the best way to have your design installed.

We'll call this PRINCESS DESIGNS (BETA VERSION) and you have VIP passes!! WOOHOO!!

Green Olives & Pickle Juice

2009-02-15T23:26:00.006-06:00

Well, Kelly... what d'ya think?

click for larger view

Susan B. Anthony Day (Feb 15th)

2009-02-15T22:59:00.000-06:00

I am all about strong-willed, powerful women.

Susan B. Anthony rallied the masses at a time when women did not have that power!

As an abolitionist, she attacked racial prejudice in the Rochester newspapers.
As an education reformer, she rallied for equal education of women and former slaves. She even put up the cash value of her own life insurance to assure women could be educated at the University of Rochester!
As a labor activist, she encouraged women to form Unions and helped to assure proper training for women in the workforce.
As a temperence worker, she brought alcohol use and abuse to the public's attention.
As a suffragist, she appeared before every congress from 1869 to her death in 1906 to rally in favor of women's right to vote. That right was finally granted in 1920... 14-years after her death.
As a women's right campaigner, she petitioned for female jurors for fair trials.

It is a tragedy that in this day and age one would struggle to find such a strong advocate of any meaningful movement. Politicians and those with political sway are often too wrapped up in their own agendas to make such a difference as this one women did. She gathered 10,000 signatures in 26 states in favor of women's suffrage, only to have Congress laugh at her. She had such a strong influence that she helped assure that women's suffrage was included in the Utah constitution years before our U.S. Congress accepted it. Despite her anti-alcohol stance, she refused to support prohibition because she felt it took away from women's suffrage.

And what she did, she did for honest belief. There was no alterior motive. No financial gain. No personal agenda except to better the lives of women.

It pains me to think that we lack that inspiration in these modern times. To stand behind something so strongly as to let Congress tell you no for 40 years without giving up. THAT is a ROLE MODEL!! To heck with platinum records, Oscar winners, and First Ladies!! I want to have my voice heard! I want my daughter's voice heard!

So to all the meak, I implore you... MAKE YOURSELF HEARD!

Do not be the silent icon of a victim! Do not expect others to speak on your behalf! Do not be mute to the suffering you witness! Do not be a doormat or stepping stone! BE A VOICE THEY HEAR!!

Sunday Secret

2009-02-15T09:28:00.003-06:00

I have an online account I check almost everyday whether I'm at home or at work. The password contains the word "FUCK" and I secretly smile each time I type it at work because sometimes that's exactly how I feel!

--------------------------------------------------

And to go along with Jill's Redneck Mommy I thought I too would confess.

You might be a redneck if...

You have ever spent the weekend creating a ring of beer bottles around a firepit.
You have ever been too hungover to create a float for the town parade.
You have ever carried a blow up doll through town to watch said parade.
You have ever sat on the roadside and thrown candy back at the floats in the parade.
You have ever returned to your campsite and hung the before mentioned blow up doll from a tree for being a hussy.
You have ever stolen a goose decoy and placed it on a road sign.
You have ever given directions that involved "Pass the giant golf ball, turn at the three poles, drive towards the funky tree."
You have ever spilled a giant jar of pennies on the floor of your car while slamming on the brakes to avoid hitting a tractor.
You have ever sent a child onto the roof of an outhouse to retrieve a 'birdie'
You have ever made a late night run across time zones to get alcohol after hours.
You have ever had a dog who wouldn't catch a ball... but would catch rocks!
You have ever floated down a river in a horse tank
You have ever gotten in a water fight using glass beer bottles while floating in said horse tank.
You have ever had to have drunk EMTs stop their floating horse tank to treat the injuries caused by broken beer bottles.
And last but not least... you might be a redneck if... you can identify a piece of a tractor by the sound it makes when your father throws it across the driveway!

I cannot claim title of REDNECK MOMMY as I have completed the rehab program (Step #1 - Storm out of Christmas screaming, "Get your ass in the truck I can't handle these assholes anymore!") and I am happily in remission. Unfortunately, like many addictions, I must be very careful to avoid any situation where I might lose my self control and relapse. For the sake of my child, please keep you redneck behavior to yourselves!

Happy V-day from the palace!

2009-02-14T17:02:00.004-06:00

Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more
than verses on valentines and romance in the movies. We begin to know that love
is here and now, real and true, the most important thing in our lives. For love
is the creator of our favourite memories and the foundation of our fondest
dreams. Love is a promise that is always kept, a fortune that can never be
spent, a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places. And this
radiance that never fades, this mysterious and magical joy, is the greatest
treasure of all - one known only by those who love.
-- Author Unknown

Friday the Thirteenth Fuckoff!!

2009-02-13T19:32:00.002-06:00

Wednesday afternoon, a constant ache in my arm reappeared. This is the same ache that was associated with my carpal tunnel... or maybe something to do with my RLS... or it could be my B12 deficiency (all of which are probably because I smoke!)!!

Due to the sporatic occurance of this pain, I was very hopeful that it had been a part of one of these problems and when it had only occured on a couple of random evenings in the past 3 months, I was thrilled.

However, when I lay down Wednesday night, I noticed the muscle in my arm was spasming/twitching. Imagine the split second ripple of a horse's shoulder as he tries to remove a fly. Now imagine about three of those in a row every five minutes.

I thought to myself... "that's odd!" But odd things happen to me all the time and since it was totally painless (except for the ache that had started long before) I shrugged it off.

However, Thursday morning I was quickly made aware that the pain and spasms had not gone away overnight. Well, shit! I put on my wrist brace and went to work. In the course of the next eight hours I attempted to relieve the discomfort with the brace, heat, movement, stretching, ibubrofen, and plain old general distraction. No luck. After work, I called and scheduled a doctor's appointment for Monday afternoon to discuss a possible cause/treatment.

Hello FRIDAY!! Glad to see my arm is still having a freak-out spaz-attack!!

Needless to say, I caved today and called the Doc back to see if there might be an opening and there was. So at 2:30 I saw the nurse practitioner who did a thorough examination (I know she was testing nerve function and reflexes which came back awesomely). So what was her semi-final conclusion (she ran some test to cover all her bases)?

It is possible that the spasms are being caused by the MIRAPEX!

WTF?!?!?!?!

Don't know what MIRAPEX is? It's a medication used to treat the twitches and spasms of Restless Leg Syndrome! Who in the name of basic sanity creates a drug to treat muscle TWITCHES knowing that a side effect is MUSCLE TWITCHES!! Yeah, that makes a whole hell of a lot of sense!!

So the nurse is weaning me off of the Mirapex to see if that helps. She's checking my electrolytes and making sure there isn't any muscle damage.

As if that isn't great enough... wait for it...

Doc believes that many of my problems could be greatly alleviated by quitting smoking. I am completely okay with quitting (while I admit to enjoying my cigarettes, I am not niave to the consequences)... however, having failed to quit cold turkey and having heard good things, I was more than willing to try Chantex (yes, I know there are some real bad things about it... but I'm willing to accept that).

Unfortunately, my insurance has never covered that drug (though the Ogre Child's insurance will!... lol)

No biggie... I get that they don't cover certain things.

What I DO NOT GET... (wait for it)

Is why they will cover the MIRAPEX that has caused my excessive pain...

BUT...

They won't cover the Celebrex the nurse prescribed to ease the pain until I get weaned off the other drug!!

Oh no... I need PRIOR APPROVAL for that drug!! Right... so I have a 'semi-emergency' appointment that my Doctor's bumped due to excessive pain and I'm supposed to PREDICT that the solution will be a prescription anti-inflamitory to treat the pain until the problem is solved. And... by the time I get the Rx, the doctor's office is closed so asking for something else would mean waiting (in pain) all weekend!!

To top it off, I waited 2 hours for the Rx, and the 10 pill prescription cost me $60!!

WTF!!

They gave me NARCOTIC PAIN KILLERS after giving birth and they didn't cost that much!!!

So the next time the doctor wants to prescribe Celebrex for my pain... I'm going to say... "FUCK THAT... HEROINE IS CHEAPER!!"

(Icing on the cake... I called the insurance company when I got home to see why it had been denied... "Thank you for calling our customer service department, unfortunately, your thousands of dollars in insurance premiums do not allow us to hire 24-hour customer service representatives, so if you could please call us back at a time when it is more convienent for us to deal with you, we'd be more than happy to tell you that we fucked you up the ass and didn't even give you a kiss. In the mean time, if you'd like to schedule a driveby shooting of our headquarters please press one now... *click*" That's right... the automated system hung up on me!! -- FUCKERS!!)

Who does she think she is?

2009-02-11T12:09:00.003-06:00

On what planet do you pack up a crate full of alligators from your own private moat and mail them to your daughter without even telling her until that day? Do you know how fast alligator mail travels? Yeah!! Someone could lose a limb!

Oh... and who does she think she is?

Oh... I'm going to tear down my castle and because I'm such a DORK, I may accidentally create a volitile mixture out of a seemingly harmless batch of playdough! So if I make everything in a five block radius disappear, please duck and cover and find me at the Princess's house?

WTF?!?! Aw HELL NO!!

She should know better. I am a very patient person. I can nod and smile with the best of them while "You are a fucking dumbass!" repeats over and over in my head! However, if I had toleration for downright STUPIDITY, I could be an EMT! As it is, EMT would not be the best career for me to persue

(Awww... you were going 90? On a motorcycle? On gravel? Without a helmet?... hmmm... Well, I'm pretty sure I need to go give CPR to that tree over there... if you're still alive when the next EMT gets here, maybe they'll waste their time on you!)

So, MY MOTHER or not... if she blows her damn castle up, she better be calling your blogroll for a place to crash for the night. I'm not moving my furniture just so she can toss a blanket down on my sidebar!! I think not.

Also, I am looking to hire a substitute internet consultant because if she continues to design and redesign at a faster rate than she learns the procedures, I'm going to need a partner to field her questions. Maybe it would be cheaper to just hire a secretary to field the non-sense calls. It's a toss up! Maybe I need a whole field of workers... because someone has to make sure the O.C. gets to talk to Grandma... and someone needs to make sure all the "I love you" and "I'm sending money" messages get through to me. If we could just categorize the calls so that I get those really important ones and the rest of the "how to's" and "did you read's" could get outsourced to someone on my payroll. Volunteers are definately welcome!

Please send your resumes to ILoveBeingHerDaughter@LongHoursAndShittyPay.org

((HUGE HUGS MOM))

If your blog happens to be positioned anywhere near her blog, you may want to quickly hire a contractor to relocate you farther down the street... you never know what will happen when she gets her GROOVE on!!

Don't forget to check out the fabulous giveaways in the next two posts!!

Happy Wednesday!!

More Giveaways!

2009-02-11T09:03:00.002-06:00

Lets continue the fabulous search!!

Katydid and Kid has a giveaway for some books from Barefoot Books. -- Deadline is Feb 15th
Cute Like Me is giving away two adorable "scrabble necklaces" and I SOOOO want the red carnation! -- Deadline is Feb 13th
Back to Nurse Mommy again to try for a Medibag4Kids. -- Deadline Feb 17th
And because I'm a major HOG... I turned around and went to Ladybug Soup and entered to win the same Medibag4Kids kit -- Deadline is Feb 13th
OMG!!! Funky Monkey is giving away an awesome blanket from From Scratch Designs!! I looked throught their stuff... that is a cool store... so jealous because I so need a $300 pair of pajamas... that's all I ever wear... I'd definately get my money's worth!
Over at Carpe Libris Reviews I signed up for an Italian Leather Journal from Journal Shelf! -- Deadline Feb 15th
Home with Books is giving away some wonderful books (4 to be exact) and I want the Dracula Dossier because I'm a total vamp addict! (Yeah, when other little girls dreamed of being a princess, I kinda wanted to be a vampire!)
Over at Book Dads, I signed up for the book Ralphina, the Rolly Polly because we all know the Ogre Child loves her books (even if all she does is eat the pages!)
PAY ATTENTION TO THIS ONE!! At Mudpies and Mary Janes the giveaway is a Keurig Platinum Brewing Station!! Oh yes!! You've gotta check this one out!!
At dk Mommy Spot the giveaway is for an Excalibur Dehydrator!! AWESOME!! -- Deadline Feb 16th
On the Dot Creations is giving away a wonderful little set of candles/cards from Deedee's Cards! -- Deadline Feb 15th
Over at Preppy Mama I figured Ogre Child could use some new sippy's from The Safe Sippy -- Deadline Feb 13th

Don't forget to check out the Mom Giveaways website for yourself because as wonderful as I am, you may be delusioned enough to want something I thought wasn't cool! I can't help it if you have no taste... lol... just kidding, there are great things there, but some of the things are so NOT me that I felt no need to waste my time, or steal a freebie from someone who would LOVE it!

Happy hunting everyone!! Don't forget to let me know if you win something because I'll be totally stoked for you!!

Fabulous Giveaways!!

2009-02-11T06:14:00.000-06:00

Wow!! Do I have some awesome things for you!!

First, I stumbled upon THIS SITE!! And let me say it will be my new playground! 35 pages of GIVEAWAYS!! Holy cow!! There is some awesome stuff here!!

I know... you're too busy to go through all of those things... so here's the one's I LOVED!!

Mom Fuse is giving away Mommy Jewelry from Anna Bella Jewelry! I'm not sure I'm into the whole "kid chewing on my jewelry" thing, but she sure does have some pretty stuff (non-chewable also)! -- Deadline Feb 14th
My Organized Chaos is giving away a beautiful necklace (turquoise) by Abella Galleries. -- Deadline Feb 12th!!
Piece of Me is giving away a little girl's necklace by Tiny Tags.com. -- Deadline Feb 14th.
Mozi Esme is giving away two Capula's (fabric sheets used as dresses) in honor of Operation Love Zimbabwe!
Summertime and a Glass of Lemonade is giving away a little zippered purse by JPRAT Purses! Too Cute - Deadline Feb 18th
Frugal Mommy of 2 Girls is giving away a Love Bottle and carrier! Deadline TODAY (Feb 11th) @ 9PM EST!!!
Nurse Mommy has a giveaway from Frecklebox (personalized books). Very cool!! -- Deadline Feb 14th
Simply Stacie is giving away earrings from Power of Natural Jewels. I love these chakra earrings!! -- Deadline Feb 18th
Simply Stacie is also giving away a wonderful "Twilight-inspired" necklace from Sparkle Spunk and I confess to being an addict so I entered! -- Deadline Feb 19th
My2Boyz is giving away a hand stamped necklace by Simag! And those are some beautiful necklaces also!! -- Deadline Feb 14th

That's it for now... I could obviously keep this up forever!! I'll post more if I find things I like!! Happy hunting and good luck to all because I want all my friends to win free things!!

GET THE PARTY STARTED!!

2009-02-06T22:40:00.004-06:00

Obviously, trying to teach mom to do something is harder than it looks. My text box wouldn't work the minute I wanted to show her how to do it. But that's okay, she's spoiled anyway.

However, browsing the blogs I found a meme I haven't done. All I can say about this one is that Jill will probably be to blame for some great laughs since my latest playlist is a bunch of dance music I thought the kid would like (without me having "baby" songs stuck in my head all day). Needless to say, it's bound to be interesting.

So here goes...
---------------------------------------
GET THE PARTY STARTED

Here are the rules:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 10 friends or none, as all your friends are sick of your random boring life anyway. At least tag me again though. I won't be tagging anyone specifically, but you're free to do the same thing on your blog (and leave a comment with the link to your post) or just leave a comment with a list of 10 random songs from your MP3 player.
5. Everyone tagged is free to ignore this complete and be a humbug.
6. Have Fun!
----------------------------------------------------
IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Nobody Knows (Pink)
*ain't that the truth. Hell, are any of us "okay"?

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Pon de Replay (Rihanna)
*a.k.a. A little odd

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
It's My Life (Bon Jovi)
*a.k.a. I'm a very selfish person. Comes from only-child-itis... but I admit it.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Right Now (Pussycat Dolls)
*Obviously I'm living for the moment.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
I Got It From My Mama (Will I Am)
*probably true. I was her life purpose... O.C. is mine. I guess I Got It From My Mama!

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
My Humps (Black Eyed Peas)
*ROTFLMAO

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Last to Know (Pink)
*Some days it sure seems like it.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Beep (Pussycat Dolls)
*insert random curse word... lol

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Glamorous (Fergie)
*I am so... G-L-A-M-O-R-OUS! It's a Princess thing!

WHAT IS 2+2?
When I Grow Up (Pussycat Dolls)
*Maybe I'll figure it out!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Cyclone (Baby Bash)
*She moves her body like a cyclone... funny that also happens to be her ringtone... if she's ever frigging call me!!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Don't Cha (Pussycat Dolls)
*a.k.a. M.I.L.F... lmao

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Dear Mr. President (Pink)
*Don't read to much into this... I don't want to be President... I want a role closer to... Marilyn!! hehe

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Tootsie Roll (69 Boyz)
*OMG!! That's great!!

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Mickey (Toni Basil)
*Hey Mickey you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind "HEY MICKEY!!"

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Low (Flo-Rida)
*TMI!!!... that's just not right!!

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
The One That Got Away (Pink)
*AW HELL NO!!! Good riddens!!

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Ay Bay Bay (Birdman)
*The internet is bound and determined to make my mother think I'm prego. Again... It's A NASTY RUMOR!! HELL NO!!

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Most Girls (Pink)
*WoW!!! Not MOST girls... just the ones who write funny blogs!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Just Like a Pill (Pink)
*So many of them are like that... scary!!

YOUR HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART IS DOING WHAT NOW?
Buttons (Pussycat Dolls)
*I assure you he has been nowhere near my buttons. After kid #2 I decided it was way more fun being friends with his wife.... keep scratching your head! lol

THE THING MOST LIKELY TO GET YOU FIRED FROM A JOB IS?
U + Ur Hand (Pink)
*I swear I have NEVER... well... not at this job... lmao

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Get the Party Started

Dear Kansas (and the rest of America)

2009-02-05T21:45:00.000-06:00

(bumping this post)

I suggest you take a good look at this site:

http://www.stimuluswatch.org/

It lists all the requests for assistance from the federal stimulus project.

Looking through Kansas "projects" requesting federal funds, I found the following:

$15,050,000 requested to repair roads and bridges in Kansas City
$55,650,000 requested to repair sewers/pipes/pumps in Kansas City
$25,000,000 requested for parking in Kansas City
$116,300,000 requested for various city buildings in Kansas City
$2,272,184 requested for cooling/electrical service towers in Kansas City
$60,000 requested for new employment in Kansas City
$25,800,000 requested for levees in Kansas City
$3,000,000 requested for bus transportation in Kansas City

Kansas City's grand total: $243,132,184

But that's just the tip of the iceberg!!

$31,275,000 for roads in Lenexa
$54,700,000 for pipes/lakes/streams/wetlands in Lenexa
$17,480,080 for roads and signals in Manhattan, KS
$58,335,138 for water/sewer in Manhattan
$4,251,500 for the Manhattan Airport
$8,650,000 for other services in Manhattan (fire, daycare, etc.)
$35,960,000 for roads in Newton
$15,900,000 for water/sewer in Newton
$11,526,000 for the Newton Airport

So just how much is the state of KANSAS asking for?

$528,306,310 IN 4 TOWNS!!!!

Granted... I totally figure that if the government is forking out money to bail out stupidity... Kansas is just as entitled as any other state. No doubt the same will be true no matter which state I look up.

But here's where I have a problem...

Last week, the House Appropriations Committee approved $322.6 million in cuts to schools THIS YEARS budget (ending June 30th) with more cuts for the next school year!

It's great that the state is trying to get money for road construction and building repairs because once our quality of education drops, we'll have a lot of uneducated young adults who won't be able to qualify for college. Good to know that the state is looking out for these young people to make sure there are plenty of labor jobs available for our future generations. No doubt the military will step up too, making sure these kids can go die for other countries when they can't get into college or can't afford it.

This whole situation just pisses me off. The country is in a financial crisis. So lets solve the problem (and stimulate that economy) by making sure we reduce our education levels, laying off teachers, and forcing schools to charge fees just to educate your children. Yep... I'm sure that will definately make up for the financial problems. We won't be kicking ourselves a few years from now!!

I certainly hope the government approves the projects Kansas has requested. We'll need those repaired bridges for the homeless to live under. We'll need good roads to hitchhike on when you can't afford to drive your car. We'll need those govenment buildings to be in good condition so we can feel comfortable walking in to file for bankruptsy. We'll definately need those sewer systems in good condition to handle all of the bullshit the government is shoveling down our throats!!!

To hell with banks who can't pull their heads out of their asses! To hell with companies who's crappy policies have them sinking!! I'd much rather see my tax dollars rewarding those companies that DID THINGS RIGHT!! Give the money to them to create more jobs!! At least I'll have a sense that they'll spend my tax dollars wisely and use it to fix the problem. GM? Ford? They screwed up! But other car companies on the news claim to be holding their own because they have better budgeting. Give them the BAILOUT!! Tell them to open more plants and let the idiots go under!!

Give the money to education! Give it to vetrans benefits! Give it to cancer research! Fuck NASA and their billion dollar mistakes. Fuck CEO's who take extravegant trips on my tax dollars! And while I'm at it, FUCK former first ladies who purchase outrageous China sets when Americans are struggling to put food on their tables!!

I'm all about starting at the top and firing your way down until you find someone who knows how to balance a checkbook!! I have students in special education who know how to fill out a check registry!

Better yet... you find a single working mother with a dead-beat ex-husband who has fought for years to collect $15 a month to save up for Christmas presents. Offer her $100,000 to fix the budget. I guarantee she'll pay the bills and make that extra $20 last the entire month. She'll do so without jeopardizing the future of our children!!

WAKE UP AMERICA!!

Write your legislature!! COMPLAIN!! BE HEARD!! If you aren't willing to spend 42 cents on a stamp to tell them they've got it wrong, you don't have any right to open your mouth at all!

Bloggers around the country are complaining about our problems. We are intellegent, literate, and opinionated!

I PROPOSE WE MAKE OUR WORDS COUNT!!

JOIN ME!!

MAKE YOUR VOICES HEARD

(find out how to contact your local legislature HERE)

Snow Sculpting Week (February 4th - 8th)

2009-02-05T09:57:00.003-06:00

WARNING... THIS POST MAY BE INAPPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN AND PEOPLE OF IMMATURE NATURE! I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE IF YOU GET ANY BRIGHT IDEAS THAT ANGER YOUR NEIGHBORS.

If it were cold and wet I think snow sculpting would be some awesoe fun.

Please put in a request to the patent office in search of WARM snow.

That being said... I don't think I'd be winning any competitions with sculptures like this...

Okay... try this one on for size

2009-02-04T06:37:00.000-06:00

I can only assume that you goofballs were either scared off by my dirty underwear laying around, or the thought that I might be sitting around my blog naked.

Or... you just didn't want to tell me you couldn't read that shit!!

So anyway, I've changed the look once again. I promise... eventually I'll find something I like (I'm not sure this is it either). But I couldn't resist showing off my new drawing. About an hours worth of drawing and another hour to scan/modify/fit to layout.

Not too bad for just a quick sketch up (if I do say so myself).

Better than that... now you can read the stinking thing... and there are no bras hanging from the back of the chair. So have a seat and enjoy the rest of the week.

Hello Three AM

2009-02-02T03:03:00.005-06:00

Well, it's good to see you again. How long has it been? Just a few days... Wow! Sure seems like longer! Oh, that's right. I forgot about the whole "Electrical Company parked outside my window all night to do me the COURTESY of restoring my power!". When was that? Wednesday night I believe...

So what do we owe the honor tonight? Is it the Ogre Child? No, she's passed out on the floor. General insomnia? Nope. Pretty sure I'd pass out if my head hit the pillow.

Tonight... tonight I am up out of my sole devotion to my bloggies. Why you ask, am I up for YOU?!?!

Well, as you can see, I have designed a new layout. And I must say I am totally in love with it. Though if you'd seen the 2 column layout, you'd think this one sucks. But I'm not letting you see that one (muahahaha) Besides, who in their right mind can keep all their stuff on 2 columns? Oh... you can... well, I'm too much of a clutter bug for two columns. Unfortunately, (much like my living space) the more space I create, the more space I fill with junk!

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, 3 AM and my eternal devotion to you. I love you so much that I simply cannot go to bed until I am satisfied that everything here looks nice, neat, and most importantly READABLE! It's the READABLE part I'm falling a little short on. I never guessed that tan and orange would be hard to match text to. But I think I have it close. (feel free to complain)

I'm open to suggestions on this one. What parts do you like (love having my ego pumped) and what parts do you hate (oh, c'mon, you can tell me). I mean YOU are the ones who have to read it. I need to know if you're happy or not.

Did you ever realize that having a blog is like having the threat of unexpected company looming over you constantly. Shit!! Where are the dirty underwear? Someone hide the BONG!! When's the last time I cleaned the toilet? It's stressful!!

I know you're thinking "like we care". Nothing really phases you people. *knock knock* "Hold on, I have no pants on!"... "That's okay, I don't mind!" (enter bloggie) -- BTW, my friend actually did that to me!

But here I sit all sorts of nervous trying to cover my naked legs with the nearest pillow wondering if these underwear have any holes in them!

Anyway, I'm off to bed now, so if it's not PERFECT, you're just going to have to be brazen enough to throw that bra across the room before you have a seat.

LOVES & NIGHTIE NIGHT!!

p.s. My little princess icon got a makeover so she could squeeze into the bottom right of the layout. Couldn't leave the poor girl behind.

Spunky Old Broads Day (February 1st)

2009-02-01T13:10:00.003-06:00

Actually, if you really want to get technical, February is Spunk Old Broads Month! And in honor of the Spunky Old Broads (S.O.B.'s) in my life, I'm reminding you all that you should never underestimate the power of a Sassy Old Bitch with a mean right hook!

Love you Mom!!

Remind those ladies that we love them for their spunk, their wit, their downright silliness.

At ninety-three years old, I can still remember my great-grandmother coming out of her chair while watching the male figure skating. When Elvis ripped his shirt off, she yelled "Take off the pants!" and we all died laughing.

I know full well that she was sitting up there laughing on the day of her funeral. In the front row a five-year-old boy was trying to console his grandmother by patting her arm and asking if she was okay, though she clearly was. In the middle row, my aunt buried her face in embarrassment as her youngest stood up and applauded after the first hymn. And in the back row my cousin and I, home from college, were debating whether there would be a test over the events the minister recalled in her ninety-six years of life. To make matters even better, the funeral procession turned into a NASCAR race with my family rallying for position behind the casket as I sped down a back road and beat them all to the cemetery. At the gravesite, we had placed the flowers on the wrong grave. And to top it all off, the dinner that followed included a game of tag with players aging five to seventy and an entire street of car alarms going off at once as family members intentionally pushed the panic buttons on their keychains! I'm sure we made her proud that day!

Grandma's been gone for 10 years now, but I will always remember her as that Spunky Old Broad who would wrecked her first car, on ice, coming home from deer-hunting at ninety-two and demanded they get her car out of the ditch so she could see how much damage was done before she let them take her to the hospital! The same one who would wave hello to Mom and me before demanding that Dad take her 4-wheeling in the truck.
If I am so lucky as to live as long, I hope I have all the same spunk and charisma that she had right up until the end!

Inspire Your Heart with Art Day (January 31st)

2009-01-31T03:20:00.004-06:00

For those of you who don't know, I'm a pretty decent artist. So in honor of today, I'm going to share a couple of my better works with you.

First, my replication of Timothy Sorsdahl's Harmony VII. He's one of my favorite abstract artists. This isn't my best work because it's done with low-quality markers on poster board. If I were to do it again, I'd want to try oil pastels because it lost a lot of the vibrant colors, but I love it anyway. Prince Charming built me a frame for it and it hangs in my hallway.

The second is a portrait of my father from an old family photo done in pencil. The Queen has the original hanging in her house... she didn't ask... she just stole it!

My current work in progress is recreating a Leonid Afremov park scene "The Loneliness of Autumn" in marker and oil pastel, but it's proving to be more of a challenge than I expected.

Feel free to share your inspiring art, or art that inspires you!

P.S. Ignor the "Read More" . . . there is no more . . . it's a glitch I can't get rid of . . . damn gremlins!

Have I told you all you are AWESOME?

2009-01-30T01:37:00.005-06:00

Show of hands... who has facebook?

Okay... now... who is totally addicted to "FLAIR"?
I knew you were!!

So now that I have my new paint.net program, I'm learning all kinds of new tricks... like how to make BLOGGER FLAIR!!

So take it... you know you want to!!

If you don't use "shrink image" this button will float on your page like a real button.

Using the "shrink" will cause it to have a white background square.

(please link it to me)

Oh, and it's a little late... but per your requests, here's an AWARD FLAIR for anyone who participated in National Compliment Day!! CONGRATS!!

LOVE * PEACE * CHICKEN GREASE

How much will we sacrifice?

2009-01-28T16:40:00.007-06:00

With America in a financial crisis, I understand that many state and local governments are finding themselves having to make cuts. My question to you, America, is why are teachers viewed as so easily disposable?

The State of Kansas recently announced major budget cuts to the Department of Education. As of the 2006-2007 reports, Kansas was already ranked 37th in average teacher's salaries. They are followed by Iowa in 38th, Nebraska in 43rd, Missouri 46th, North Dakota 48th and South Dakota dead last!

The average beginning salary for a teacher in Kansas at the time of this survey was $30,408. To give you some perspective, the Kansas Medical Assistance Program provides health insurance to children of parents whose income does not excede twice the poverty level.

For a single parent of one child, that amount is $28,008! (only $2,000 away from assistance)
For a two parent household with one child (or a single parent of two), the limit is $35,208!
The median income in Kansas is $40,624!!
The average teacher's salary in California is $63,640!

And yet in a time of crisis we feel it is acceptable to cut our spending on education while still mandating that those in the field uphold a higher standard and provide an adequate learning environment for OUR CHILDREN!!

I have been working full-time is Special Education for seven years now. I am non-certified so I expect to be paid marginally less than the teachers who take the brunt of the rules. I would personally describe my role as an educator as an important asset. Our classroom teaches what many might consider "unteachable" students. We adapt lessons, provide extra assistance, and struggle to find ways for even the most "challenged" students to succeed. For the students who recieve this assistance, it is an irreplacable part of their education.

I work 10 months out of the year with partial benefits. I do not recieve pay for holidays, vacations, snow days, or during the summer. I have difficulty obtaining respectable summer employment because I am committed to returning to work in the fall. And I do enjoy my job. I love my co-workers, the children, and the satisfaction of believing I've made a difference in the lives of future generations. I pour my heart into children who are viewed as social outcasts and in some cases, misfits or delinquents.

And what does it all boil down to? With seven years of experience, my 2008 W2 reads $10,500 minus $1,300 to taxes! That's right, for a WHOPPING $9,200 I leave my beautiful family to deal with children who whine, complain, procrastinate, and otherwise avoid all parts of education. I do so with a smile and after seven years I still love it.

But that doesn't change the fact that it's really not worth the money. I wouldn't be surprised in the least to learn that a high school student was making more than I am. I obviously don't work in education for the money!

Is it any wonder that we have put laws into effect that prevent teachers from going on strike?

We, as a country, seem to be certain that there will ALWAYS be people who are willing to teach! But I ask you, "How sure are you?" Are you certain enough to risk YOUR child's future? There may be laws in place to prevent a strike, but there are none to prevent teachers from finding new occupations. And while thre are incentive programs to encourage people to seek degrees in education, there are none that encourage them to remain in the field long term. We have already reached the point where we are actually IMPORTING educators in order to find people willing to work for the pay this country offers. Our small rural district has been forced to recruit graduates from over-seas because they are willing to work for the smaller salary.

So tell me, America. How much are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of a dollar?

And for those in this country who might be fortunate enough to know they can BUY the finest education . . . keep in mind, that will not prevent YOUR TAX DOLLARS from supporting all the children who did NOT recieve an adequate education because America did not view it as vital to funding!

Tuesday Tantrums

2009-01-27T16:41:00.003-06:00

Is it Tuesday yet?
Damn good thing because I've been holding my tantrums in too long!!

I can't really get into the details... but trust me... I'm entitled to a tantrum. To keep it simple, I'm a creature of habit. When people start messing with my habits and rituals (especially when I have no choice) I start getting cranky. I'm trying to hang in there and take it with a grain of salt, but the more I have things messed with, the less I find the situation an enjoyable one. I feel a bit overwhelmed when I have things thrust on me that I wasn't planning on. But this too will pass... oh, wait... this is supposed to be a tantrum!!

I HATE IT (but I'll live)
I HATE SNARKY ATTITUDES (but I'll live)
I HATE THE WORD "SNARKY" (but I used it anyway)
I HATE THE FEELING THAT I'M STUCK IN A RUT (but it's my own damn fault for not doing anything about it)

And while I'm at it...
I HATE HATERS!! SPREADING HATE AND DISCONTENT FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF HANGING ON TO YOUR OWN SPITEFULNESS IS CERTIFIABLY RIDICULOUS! PLEASE MOVE ON, GET A LIFE AND FIND A NEW REASON FOR LIVING YOUR HATEFUL EXISTANCE...

Not you... that idiot who has spent three months (or more) holding a grudge. C'mon... get over it already!

HOPE EVERYONE ELSE HAS A GREAT WEEK!!

J... is a bad influence on me

2009-01-26T08:26:00.001-06:00

J... should know better than to give me ammunition like this.

WARNING... this post will be rude, vulgar, and otherwise unpleasant... all complaints should be sent to J... since it's all her fault!!

I've been a really good girl but but the week is finally over. So now that I'm free to sling the shit around and call people the names they deserve to be called, I'm letting loose with my new ammunition! And it is some good shit!

Let the name calling commence...

I have a younger (ex)cousin who I'd like to refer to from here on out as a sissy-chinned nipple wiper! After a long conversation about how she told my mother to "burn in hell", it is clear to me that she went straight from her mother's tit to granny's! I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, and write her off as a confused young teenager. However, when the shit hit the fan and she informed me that I was a bad mother, she permanently earned her name.
Then there's the worthless yeast-limbed sausage gargler who thought it'd be funny to refer to my father as a "half-dead significant other". It takes a real snot-mouthed horse poacher to create a blog for the soul purpose of bashing my mother.
It's been a while, but bashing the ex-hubs and MIL-from-hell never gets old. All I can really say about them these days is that the tard-breasted turtle jockey should have drown the whiskey-spotted bacon goblin when he was born.
A good bashing wouldn't be complete if we didn't throw something in for the DNA provider. That pickle-lipped willy junkie ought to have his dick stapled to a cactus in the middle of Death Valley.
I'm sure there's some dirty-specked dung knockers that deserve to be mentioned for their inept behavior and general lack of intellegence.
And because I can't hold back anymore, there's the pudding-witted hosecake that pulled a hypocritical whinefest a while back.
Futhermore, my family tree happens to suggest that there's a needle-cunted mule guzzler lurking around stirring up some trouble.

So for all you wart-fingered dick jugglers this probably isn't the blog for you because I have no problem telling things exactly how it is. I have no skeletons in my closet and will gladly answer any question with complete honesty. I tell it how it is and I really don't care if you refuse to believe my point of view. You can go on being a twinkie-stained twat burgler for as long as you see fit.

As for the rest of you who faithfully stick around through all this vulgar nonsense. Thanks for letting me get caught up on the name calling. I was starting to have withdrawls.

LOVE * PEACE * CHICKEN GREASE

National Cowboy Poetry Gathering Day (January 25th)

2009-01-25T09:28:00.003-06:00

Leave it to those drunken old cow pokes to decide January is a good time to cattle around a chuck wagon. I don't even want to get out from under my covers and those old farts are gathering around telling stories and playing guitars.

Despite the clear lack of sanity they possess, here's my tribute in the name of the old west.

January

When the winter snows come

The work has begun

Hay bales to feed

Newborn calves to plead

Breaking of ice

Fences to splice

Coyotes to shoot

Cold snow in my boot

Bills that need paid

Too tired to get laid

What I wouldn't give

If in winter I lived

Somewhere warm by the sea

Just my old dog and me

National Compliment Day (January 24th)

2009-01-24T07:52:00.001-06:00

When was the last time I challenged you? It's been a while. So here goes nothing.

Today is National Compliment Day. I challenge you to do two things.

Pay as many compliments as you can today. Whether you tell someone their outfit looks nice or you let your cashier know she was very sweet. Push yourself to acknowledge the everyday people in your life. A kind words truly does go a long way. While you will probably never know if you affected anyone today, I assure you that your words will brighten at least one person's day if you only put forth the effort.
Pick five bloggers that you think deserve an extra special compliment. You can of course choose more if you like, but for those who have a giant blog roll it might not be practical to give everyone their own individual compliment. It's just a matter of sharing the love around blog land. You know we all need that pick-me-up from time to time.

So here goes my compliments along with a reason THEY made the top 5 and YOU might not of. It's not that I don't like YOU just as much... it's just that... well... frankly these guys scare me most!

FIRST we have the Queen! Why is she first? Because she knows my home address! And frankly, I am unable to relocate my entire family in the six hours it takes her to fly here on her magic carpet! Plus, that 50-year-old batalax can probably kick my skinny little butt! SO... time for the compliment!!! No surprise here... YOU ARE THE BEST MOM IN THE WORLD! YOU ARE A STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON AND THOUGH YOU CAN BE A LITTLE OFF KILTER FROM TIME TO TIME, THOSE WHO LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE RATHER THAN SOME FAKE IMAGE OF WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO SEE. I LOVE YOU! Okay... wipe the damn tears from your eyes because we all know that was some sweet and sappy shit. But it was true. So now on to #2.
SECOND we have the wonderous, fabulous, amazing Aunt Chris!! Now, I must confess that she's not really my Aunt, but please don't go spreading that around... you'll give her a complex! Because even if she is just some random blogger my mother met on the blognet... she's a pretty decent lil' sis to Mom. I mean seriously, you know you've got a good friend when you can talk to each other on the phone long after you've taken a break from Blog World! So Chris definately needs a big compliment... YOU ARE AN AMAZING FRIEND AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE A GREAT GRANDMOTHER... WAIT... NOT A GREAT-GRANDMOTHER BECAUSE THAT WOULD MAKE YOU WAY TOO OLD... BUT YOU WILL AT LEAST BE AN AWESOME GRANDMA!! YOU HAVE SO MUCH LOVE AND HUMOR IN YOUR HEART THERE IS NO WAY YOU COULD BE ANYTHING BUT AWESOME AS A GRANDMA.
Okay, now that we got the two big WHINERS out of the way... *don't hit me, I'm fragile!!* ...we can move on to those who are less likely to hunt me down and beat me in the Wal-Mart parking lot! #3 is going to CELTIC BUFFY... why her? Well, I figure she deserves something for sticking around through the BIG MOVE and still being around after my various dry spells. And for that, she deserves a huge compliment! THIS WOMAN IS AMAZING! I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE BALANCING A FULL TIME JOB, THE OGRE CHILD, AND A BLOG. THIS WOMAN IS WORKING OUT HER DEBT, RAISING HER KIDS, AND GOING TO NURSING SCHOOL. ALL WHILE MANAGINNG TO KEEP HER OWN BLOG UP AND RUNNING. SHE'S ALWAYS GOOD TO LEAVE A COMMENT FROM TIME TO TIME JUST TO REMIND YOU YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND IN BLOGLAND. AMAZING!! I'M GLAD WE STUMBLED INTO THE SAME BLOG-O-SPHERE!
Okay, just so you know, it's starting to get hard to pick. So here goes nothing!! TT and Sunshine are both friends with me on Facebook. So we'll give them compliment #4. TT really needs to know that for a woman of (I'm not revealing her age)... THAT IS ONE GOOD LOOKING WOMAN! SERIOUSLY... I WANT TO BE HER WHEN I GROW UP!! and Sunshine... SHE CRACKS ME UP! MAYBE NOT EVERY DAY, BUT WHEN I'M LEAST EXPECTING IT, SHE MAKES ME SPIT COFFEE! Please stick around ladies because you are amazing assets to Blog World!! *HUGS*
And last but certainly not least... Farmer*s Wife... that woman is my image of MARTHA STUART! SERIOUSLY, CLEAN HOUSE, HAPPY KIDS, SWEET PERSONALITY, FUNKY NON-VULGARITIES, GREAT HAIR DAYS AND A GOOD GLASS OF WINE AT THE END OF THE DAY! WHAT MORE COULD I ASK FOR? I THINK SHE NEEDS TO OPEN SOME TYPE OF "STEPFORD'S WITH A BRAIN AND OPINION" SCHOOL SO WE CAN ALL LEARN THESE FABULOUS SKILLS OF HERS!

That's right... breathe in all the ego boostin compliments. You all know full well that when No Name Calling Week is done and over with you're going to need these compliments just to survive being around me. I'll be so far under with withdrawls that I'll start calling my friends names just for the fun of it.

So, to those on the list... and those who are not scary enough to make the list... I want you to know I appreciate and enjoy the company of all of you! Please keep up the great bloggin and don't forget to compliment those great friends that you've made here in BlogLand!!

No Name Calling Week (January 21st - 25th)

2009-01-22T09:17:00.000-06:00

Well that's just not right!!

Some people really deserve a name or two!

You know... the rat bastard cousin who thinks that since she is an all knowing sophomore in high school she can tell you that you morals are squewed and you are a horrible parent.

Or the stubborn jackass of a grandfather who thought it would be okay to blow my family off and I'd just smile and play nice about it.

Or the craptastic piece of shit Uncle who thought it was perfectly acceptable to drive around on my father's plates and insurance while my Dad thought his vehicle was being repaired by another Uncle.

What about the worthless idiot who cannot park in a parking lot unless there are large neon markers indicating exactly how far from another vehicle you need to park in order to permit space for a vehicle between you.

And there's always the brain dead ignorant bobbleheads at the cable company who think after two months of my cable popping in and out, a dozen service calls in that time, and two no shows on their part, that I'm going to be okay with them raising my monthly rates $5 a month!

As I was saying... some people really do deserve a little name calling. It's the only thing that makes them closely resemble humans.

But in honor of No Name Calling Week... I'll try to refrain from calling anyone names... I personally think I'm off to a good start!

Hey... You! I don't want to call you a name so I'll just offer you a friendly suggestion. Try taking the dick out of your ear for two seconds and maybe you'll be able to hear me when I say, "Pass me the salt please!"

National Hugging Day (January 21st)

2009-01-21T15:35:00.001-06:00

I couldn't resist such a wonderful day!

Here's a big hug to all of my friends in blogland! Feel free to pass it on!

Inauguration Day and Hairtastrophies

2009-01-20T09:23:00.000-06:00

What an amazing day for our nation. And yet I find myself torn with uncertainty. Uncertain whether he will be able to live up to the high standards we have set for him. Uncertain whether he, or anyone for that matter, will be able to undue the damages to our economy. And yet hopeful, for what else do we have to hold on to in America, if not HOPE for a BETTER TOMORROW!

and now for

THE HAIRTASTROPHIES OF A PRINCESS

I can still remember the first time I dyed my hair. I was a sophomore in High School. My hair was so long and thick that it took two whole bottles to cover it. The top layers were sun-bleached to a nearly bleach blonde while the bottom layers were nearly jet black. How was I supposed to know that ten years later kids would be dying their hair exactly like that?

So let's see, the summer of '97 I chopped off my waist length hair that I'd had for as long as I could remember. I spent the next five years chopping more and more off trying to find a length that my thick tresses would stop fluffing out into mock-white-afroism!

I found my favorite length in 1999 (admittedly, I still love my hair cut that way) My best friend took a pair of hair clippers and buzzed everything off except for my bangs. And while there were the few durogitory remarks (Probably the only time someone called me the four-letter D-word), the general consensus was that I pulled that look off amazingly! I kept that look off and on for several years and was always happy with it.

In 2000, a friend came over with her clippers because my buzz was starting to resemble a chia pet. Unfortunately, she used a guard way too short and my head came out appearing as if it had a five-o-clock shadow. She was horrified and tearful, but I didn't really mind, it grows back. However, the forty-something-mid-life-crisis-suffering fathers of my friends thought this would be the perfect opportunity to shave my head. ('Cause doesn't every man dream of taking a bic razor to a girl's hair). Needless to say I came out looking like a neo-nazi wannabe. To top it all off I had surgery a few weeks later. Standing outside a hospital in a flimsy gown with a cigarette in hand and a shaved head only convinced on-lookers that I was a tragic cancer patient. Thankfully, my bodyguards did well to prevent all flash photograph during this period in my life, so I'm safe to persue my life of fame and fortune without unwanted embarassing tabloid photos.

Oh... we haven't even got into the coloring-fetish I had. Name a color... yep... did that!

At various parts in my life my hair has been burgandy, auburn, fire-engine red, orange, blonde, black, blue-black, purplish, pink and even green.

I was nineteen (pre-buzzcut) and it was the Friday before my boyfriend's homecoming dance. I'd spent a year slowly dying my hair darker and darker. From bleach blonde (not natural), to auburn, dark auburn to burgandy, and finally a black-blue that turned out purplish because of all the red tint in my hair.

So I walked into the local salon and asked my stylist to make it blonde. Her jaw dropped (she hadn't seen me in months and the black really didn't look good on my ivory skin). She said she would do it as long as I promised to never go black again (that sounds so WRONG!).
Anyway, six hours later (with bf waiting patiently) I'd gone through the strongest peroxide she had and still had black hair. She finally tried an herbal bleach that looked like mud.
I must say it's the only time I've ever screamed at my hair. When we went to rinse it off, it still looked dark from the cake of "mud" but when I came up out of the sink my hair was a rainbow.

The tips that had been dyed a million times were a deep burgandy. The roots where bleach blond. And in the middle was every variation of orange with the most prominant being something that can only be defined as HUNTER ORANGE.

I screamed... then laughed... and finally demanded that she leave it that way because if anything it was UNIQUE! Appauled, she swore she'd light me on fire if I told anyone where I had my hair done and made me wear a hat when I left the salon!

There was the hot pink hairspray that was a staple of my night life for some time (only because at that time you couldn't find hot pink hair dye in podunk nowhere... and I did have a job that required somewhat of a decent reputation). I was home alone with the roommate and since it was just us girls I didn't think anything of it when I went to the bathroom. Unfortunately, her husband came home and finding the door unlocked, he walked in. We both may have screamed. Afterwards, the poor man confessed he had seen nothing except hot pink and white - hot pink outfit, hot pink hair, and ivory white skin!

And the one hair color I highly recommend NOT trying, is green. I really don't mind if you actually DYE your hair green, but you really should not do what I did. It was Saint Patrick's Day and the bar had handed out these glow in the dark green badges at the door. At the all night coffee shop I got this bright idea. "Wouldn't my hair be awesome in glow-in-the-dark green?" So we cut open the badges and lathered the gooey green goop into my hair. Ever smell the stuff that's inside those things? Try to imagine the "high" you get from hair-dye fumes if you locked yourself in a closet-sized bathroom for the whole procedure. Better yet, imagine you placed a plastic bag over your head to trap and inhale all those toxic fumes. Now imagine that "high" inducing aroma following you around for the next three hours while you walk around looking like a victim of radioactive fallout! Not to mention that six shampoos later, your roommates will still say they can smell it.

So yes, if there is a way to brutally disfigure your hair, I have done it. I have dyed my hair with Kool-Aid and boiling water. I have dyed my hair in a Shopko bathroom, driven around with a shower cap on and rinsed it out in a gas station water hose. I have gone shopping with hair-dye in, only to realize too much time has passed and we had to beg a salon to let us used there sink before I fried my head. I have knocked on the door of a distant family acquaintance to ask if I could use their bathroom to rinse out my hair.

I confess that these endeavors were all the product of my defiance to society. I reject the idea that a woman has to spend four hours in front of a mirror to make herself presentable enough for the public. I reject the idea that my hair has any impact on defining who I am. My hair was, for some time, my personally middle finger to social norms.

So in my "old age" what do I consider a nice hairstyle? Take one look at Grace Kelly (yes, I dare to dream!) Maybe I'm getting old or maybe it's just the nostalgia of that classic beauty... or maybe it's because the celebrity look alike matches me at 76% with her. She was gorgeous. But alas, the hair must grow for something as classy as that. In the mean time, I'm all about the posh/punk look, though I rarely have the ambition to do any more than run a brush through it. And if I had about 20 times the patience and enough goop to smooth out these heavy locks... I'd so be about the Nicole Kidman (Golden Compass) look! HOTSY!!

My hair advice to every woman...

Be kind to your hair (if it suits you) but remember it is just hair. I firmly believe that if you want a way to express yourself, remodel yourself, or otherwise make a statement about who you are, there is no harm in doing it through your hair. A new style can make you feel more confident and satisfied with you because the possibilities are endless. It's better to try a new cut or color than to join a cult or start sacraficing sheep in the back yard! Life is about enjoying and if your hair is not contributing to that... shave it off!! (no... please don't do that... but you could buzz it off if you want!)

Martin Luther King Jr.

2009-01-19T11:18:00.003-06:00

DISCLAIMER: I seem to have found a pet peeve I was unaware of. So I'm warning you in advance that this is a genuine post and lacks my normal humorous touch.

I was honestly going to write this nice blog about Martin Luther King Jr. and the Civil Rights movement. Or at least, I imagined I was going to do that when I started my research. I went searching for African American civil rights leaders, thinking I'd find a list of people who were equally influential in the movement but not honored as strongly as King.

Unfortunately, I stumbled upon a site listing African American holidays. And as I read down through the list of celebrations, I discovered a holiday listed on May 20th.

May 20th is BLACKOUT DAY - A day when black people are to spend no money to prove to the country that they are not a minority and they do have an impact.

I am the descendant of German, English, Irish, Swedish ancestors. I am a child of Mormon, Methodist, Lutheran, Pagan, Agnostic raising. I do not believe that I am racist or otherwise prejudice based on race, creed, religion, etc. (Though I will admit to occasional sexism when Prince Charming is being particularly stupid!)

This holiday irks me. But my irritation is not directed to African Americans, simply to people of this mentality. And here is why.

If a group of people encourage us not to spend money with groups who are known to associate with certain foreign sects, they will call it patriotism - defending a nation against terrorism.
If the government places tarrifs on trade to prevent our money from funding known drug peddling countries, they will call it civil duty - fighting the war on drugs.
If a group of African Americans rallies to spend no money on goods and services for a day, they will call it a political statement - proving they make an impact.
But if I gathered together a group of white, European-Americans and asked them not to spend money on goods and services to prove that we make a difference, I would be viewed as a backwoods, hillbilly, racist!

You tell me where the prejudice lies.

White European-Americans cannot establish exclusive colleges or universities. We do not get special scholarships for our racial heritage. We are excluded from grants, groups, and programs because we are NOT considered a minority.

The only exception to this rule is women. The women's suffrage movement granted women rights in 1920. Women in the United States were granted their rights after African Americans, slaves, and animals. At one point it was illegal to beat your horse, but perfectly acceptable to beat your wife! And even though the United State would like to claim themselves a front-runner in this endeavor, the truth is that twenty-one countries had already given women their rights by 1920. That lists includes England, Russia, Poland, Norway, Netherlands, Austria, Ireland, Iceland, Hungary, Germany, Finland, Denmark, Belgium and Australia, as well as some lesser known countries like Ukraine, Luxembourg, Kyrgystan, Latvia, Georgia, Estonia, and Belarus.

Every school age child knows who Martin Luther King Jr. is and most have heard of Malcom X. How many know who Susan B. Anthony was? Let alone, Alice Stone Blackwell or Harriet Stanton Blatch? What about Sojourner Truth? On what day does the entire nation celebrate the moment when all PEOPLE were created equal in this country? On what day do they acknowledge that their women were treated as lesser human beings for centuries?

Don't get me wrong here. I am a firm believe that the United States is one of the best countries for a woman to be born in to. I believe that our country has a good heart and is built on strong values. And I by no means, believe that women should be handed any free rides in this life, based solely upon their gender. However, I also do not believe that any other race or creed deserves special treatment based on travesties committed generations ago.

When Martin Luther King led his people to stand for their rights, I do not imagine he planned for what we have today - people still using the repression of their ancestors to manipulate a system for personal gain.

My female ancestors have been maids, servants, and baby factories for their husbands. They have died at the hands of Civil War soldiers and suffered attacks from Native Americans as they crossed the Great Plains. My female ancestors migrated to this country on overcrowded ships. Some traveled 1300 miles across an uncharted prairie with children on their hips. They have died in childbirth, been widowed with ten mouths to feed, and fought through the hardships for the sake of their families. All long before this country honored them with the right to be people!

So on this day, as a nation celebrates a great leader who did great things for his people. I cannot help but wonder how many more generations of white European-Americans will have to be made to feel guilty for the crimes against African Americans. And if it is to be a celebration to honor those who paid the price, when will others who have suffered to gain their rights be granted such an honor?

2009-01-18T19:52:00.003-06:00

A huge thank you to Kelly Dawn for explaining how to do the signatures. I was originally using the kiss on all my posts when I started this blog, but I got tired of copying the code to each post. This is much easier!!

Thanks again!!

P.S. I grabbed my original kiss from glitter-graphics.com and added it to my signature using Kelly's instructions.

Have I told you all I'm busy?

2009-01-18T14:12:00.003-06:00

Yeah yeah... I know... chastize me all you want. You know I still love you!

So why am I not here? Why am I not writing? Or for that matter reading?

I blame facebook... but that's probably just a minor part of it.

Have I told you all I live in a two bedroom apartment about the size of telemarketer's phone cubicle? Oh yeah... and I have a spoiled rotten ogre child who has every toy that was ever dreamed up. We have a rolly horse, a hippo car, a sit-n-spin, a motion sensored crawling cave, mega blocks, grocery carts, and enough stuffed animals to fill the janitors closet to the hilt!

We have diaper bags, diaper boxes, play pens, a disassembled crib, two coffee tables large enough to park a compact car on and two bookshelves large enough to hold six months of clutter with space to spare!

We have enough pens to supply a public school for a year and boxes of scrapbooking supplies, magazines, and family tree research.

We have an old desktop, fifty kitchen appliances (but none that actually wash the dishes or clean up after themselves) and two televisions.

We have enough canned goods to live off vegetables and raviolli for a year (as long as the electric can opener doesn't die.

We have tools and nicknacks, and a horror fiction library that puts our local selection to shame.

Throw in two adults, one ogre child, a king-sized bed and a wardrobe fit for a princess (complete with an impressive collection of shoes, purses, hats, gloves, and jackets).

Now tell me? Where in the hell does the Christmas tree go? I know I stored it through last year. I know I got it down in November to decorate. So why in the name of all that is sane, is there no where to put it now?

That's right... I know I promised Farmer*s wife I'd be back in the mix after my birthday... unfortunately it has taken a week to find a place to put that damn tree!!

Last night, I'd finally had it! I started tossing things out of the pantry until I got to the Christmas tree box. And as I packed it back up, I began consolodating all my decorations. I put the mini-tree and next years black and silver ornaments in the box with the Christmas tree (somewhere around here there's five strands of ribbon that goes with the set, but do you think I can find them for the life of me?) I then went through all the boxes of ornaments and repackaged them with specific labels. I couldn't believe how many decorations didn't make it out this year. I shouldn't be surprised though. Can you tell me why someone who owns a 6-foot tall, 3-foot diameter tree and doesn't decorate outdoors needs to have ELEVEN boxes of ornaments, garland, and tinsel? I looked to see if I could get rid of any of them... I can't! Theres the red ornament set from, the green ornament set, the family ornaments, the hand-painted heirloom nativity, the christmas village, the blue set from this year and the black set I bought on clearnace for next year!

Totally not the point. The point is, that in the process of tossing boxes from the corners of my pantry, I found some things.

I found five tons of magazines, including some tabloids that I keep around for a good laugh now and then.

I found a bankers box filled with empty photo albums.

I found a file full of beautiful sketches, cartoons, and drawing ideas.

I found another file which contained the first twenty pages of what might someday be a very interesting story. And the first twenty pages of another story that will need a lot of work if it's ever going anywhere.

I found a folder filled so full of poetry it's pockets are bursting. Along with that, I found a notebook that is also partially filled with poetry. Did I mention I have a photo album binder filled with typed poetry? You'd never guess I write a lot would you?

On top of that there were the fall ornaments that never made it out, the letters from friends, the letters from ex-family, and a box filled with various papers that need to be sorted and filed, nick nacks and childhood mementos.

So I keep telling myself... one box at a time! And maybe by the next millenium I'll have it all organized and stored properly. I've considered petitioning the landlord to let me build a second story, but I'm sure that would only prove in storing more clutter.

My great feat of accomplishment last night? I got all of the Christmas cleaned up (except those damn ribbons... oh... and the holiday towels that need to be washed before packing up). I also cleaned off my bulletin board and gave it a beautiful new look. I am quite impressed, even if Prince Charming only shrugged and said "uh huh". I'd love to take a picture for you, but it happens to be in the poorest lit part of my livingroom and I don't think it would do any good.

OMG!! - I'm bribing you with pictures of a bulletin board! I'm so pathetic!

Oh... yeah... I also corraled about a dozen large and 25 small stuffed animals into air tight storage bags under the Ogre Child's bed. That little task cut her visible collection by about 20%. I even had room to put three more storage bags of outgrown clothes under there!! WOOHOO!

Unfortunately, about 3am (I'm nocturnal on weekends... against my better judgement) I found that folder with the stories and was enthrawled. I dropped everything to type and revise that story until about 6:30 when I looked at the clock and said "SHIT!" I tidied up my disheaveled mess to the best of my ability, took my medications and crawled into my bed.

I set an alarm for 11:30 this morning but it once again failed to go off. Even so, I only overslept by thirty minutes so we'll be able to get to sleep at a decent time tonight.

Oh yeah... and the new changes at work are going to SUCK... but such is life! To all you mothers out there, if your child fails ART because they are too lazy to draw a sketch each week... in the very least turn them over your knee and spank their ass... preferably in the middle of the High School commons area during lunch hour!

LOVE PEACE AND CHICKEN GREASE!!
-Princess

The Best Part of Holiday Shopping

2008-12-14T23:30:00.003-06:00

I'm finally finished!! Okay... so that's a lie... there are still two gifts left to buy but their gift cards so that doesn't count!!

Other perks... (gotta keep it kinda on the downlow so the Queen doesn't know what she's getting)

Over $200 off jewelry at Zales
50 pk Old Western DVD's for Dad $13 (Pamida)
Sew Machine for me $49 (Walmart)
Food Saver for Prince Charming $48 (Kmart)
Two mini pizza stones for P.C. $13 (Pamida)
Disney Toddler bed for Ogre Child $48 (Kmart)
70% off fleece sleepers for O.C. (Target)
Digital Camera for nephew $15 (Target)
90% off Photo Paper for nephews(Staples)
Dehydrator for BIL $30 (Pamida)
Serving dishes for SIL $8 (Kmart)
Spa bath set for boss $7 (Walmart - Dec 26, 2007)

I only had to pay full price for 4 gifts!! And even then two of those were only because I had no idea what to get and I'm tired of shopping. So I copped out and bought the preboxed gift sets for $20. The other two were toys for a niece and nephew. I might have payed full price for the O.C's potty chair but at $17 for a chair that will grow with her... I can't complain.

In the end, I'm just fed up with shopping. I even gave up on my fave SIL and got her a gift card to go with some small things she'd picked out.

A frame for a picture, a Border's gift card, and a gift card to a restaurant and we're finished.

Even with the saving up and careful shopping, I always feel like I've spent too much by the time it's over. And then, I think to myself... I DON'T EVEN CARE! Even if it makes money a bit tight... I'm okay with it. Because I'm not big on keeping up with the birthdays/anniversaries/other special occasions in the lives of those I love. So I figure that once a year, I'm entitled to splurge on those I love to see them happy!

And I don't care one bit what I get in return. (Though I did treat myself as you all know... but I deserve it).

What I care about is...

my parents will be here for Christmas morning (their first with OC).
My SIL loves my daughter as if she were her own and spoils her almost as much as the Queen.
I have 3 nephews who are the sweetest boys in the world.
My baby sis remembers us even though we only talk about twice a year.
I only have to drive 30 miles this Christmas (WOOHOO!!)
Though "budget cuts" have reduced the size of my family, the amount of LOVE in my family has tripled!! **
Did I mention I spoiled myself at Zales? hehe

There's one more week of hecticness left in the "Workshop" and while the boss is playing hooky/sobering up... it's going to be a MESS!! The weatherman has predicted Reindeer poop by the foot!! So while I'm trying to keep over-excited, unfocused, and down-right lippy adolescent elves focused on their studies so they can grow up to be halfway decent, well-rounded, humans with High School diplomas... I hope the rest of you find some time to relax and escape the hustle and bustle of the Shopping Frenzy!

This holiday season I wish you the following...

Family and friends who matter deeply to you
Hearts filled with love and caring
Thankfulness for the things you are able to give as well as for what you recieve
A heartfelt wish that you have the food, shelter, and loving company that we all so desperately need
(and maybe something sparkly and pretty under the tree on Christmas morning)

Happy Holidays!!!

** Footnote: In case you aren't "in the loop", I assure you that the "Budget Cuts" have nothing to do with money... we'll chalk it up to "conflict of interest"... I'm interested in raising a well rounded, semi-sane child who is not confused about her moral issues... THEY have seriously deranged morals and hurt their own family members at the first sign of a dispute. My editors tell me we just don't need that kind of drama in this FairyTale production. So we cut a few cast members and the whole scene runs much more smoothly :)

I've been kidnapped!!

2008-12-13T02:12:00.002-06:00

Shh... don't be so loud!! Do you know how hard it is to steal a laptop from Santa's workshop? No... of course you don't... you also don't know what it's like to be force-fed fruit cakes and have Christmas tree ornaments removed from horrible places!

OH THE HUMANITY!!

Here in Santa's workshop, the elves have gone crazy!! I got this stupid toy-painting-elf drunk on egg nog so I could sneak away for a minute. Might wanna have those Christmas toys tested for lead paint... he kinda looks like he might be Chinese!! But seriously... with all the toys Santa has to deliver, it's no surprise he seeks out cheap labor!!

A little secret... Santa has all the "underground" criminals in his back pocket. Seriously... the Columbians are helping him sneak the toys across borders unsuspected, Italian big wigs are keeping him out of the IRS's radar, and I'll just let you guess who taught him how to get in and out of all of our homes undetected.

Anyway... so not the point. Between decorating the North Pole for the BIG DAY and 10,000 trips to town to pick up AA batteries, I'm beat. Not to mention the reindeer stables!! Trust me... if you're on the naughty list... that isn't COAL in your stocking!!

So I'm hoping things will simmer down around here soon so I can get back to my warm, cozy palace. God only knows how many more times I'll be able to dodge the horny elf that's running around with the mistletoe (SICK BASTARD ANYWAY!!)

But I'm dropping a quick note to let you all know that I do love you and miss you and if you find me under your Christmas tree with a tranquilizer dart in my ass will you please call the Queen and let her know when you'll be able to FedEx me home!!

Pssst... I was NAUGHTY!

2008-12-01T09:45:00.003-06:00

I can't really get into a lot of details... but lets just say that I have inside information via Santa.

Why? Because I performed "special favors".

You don't want the details.

But I peeked in Santa's bag...

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...and this is what I saw.

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...I'm not really sure it was for me.

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...but I snagged it!

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...now all I want from P.C. for Christmas...

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...is money!

*psst*... I love Zales!

OMG!! I've been MIA!!

2008-11-30T14:04:00.002-06:00

so busy... so busy!!

WHERE IS THE ANTIDOTE?!?!?!

Between shopping and a movie date and decorating (my favorite part) I've been sooooo busy!

THERE'S A GUARD.... I'LL SNAP HIS NECK!!

Anyway... I thought I'd give you a heads up on holdiay shopping errors!!

I got 4 new tires put on the chariot Friday. Thank you Sears for a decent deal on tires and a $60 door buster gift card. $450 isn't too bad for 4 tires w/ 75000 mile warranty + Road Hazard Guard + an alignment.

HOWEVER... "ARE YOU HUNGRY?... STARVING!!!"

My advice to you if you're going to take advantage of these holiday auto deals is to get an estimate before hand. Why? If I hadn't reseved my tires on Wednesday, I wouldn't have known they were trying to overcharge me.

Prices on Wednesday...
tires 87.99 each
valve stems 2.99 each
Road Hazard Guard 7.60 per tire

Prices at checkout on Friday...
tires 87.99 each (BUT THEY ARE ON SALE FRIDAY ONLY!)
valve stems 3.99 each (INTERSTING!)
RHG 9.20 each (EVEN MORE INTERSTING!)

After all the prices were corrected per my complaint and proof on my original estimate...
They tried to overcharge me $50 and change... totally explains why they were giving out $60 gift cards.

I'd like to say it was just a computer glitch... but it's just too convienent for me to accept that. And how many people just pay their bill without thinking about the charges? Oh yes... I guarantee Sears pulled the wool over a few people's eyes on Friday!

So please be careful this holiday season.

Am I mad? Not at all... they fixed the error with no complaints (thought it was a bit time consuming... and even though a difference in pricing by tire size made the tires about $100 more than I expected... it's still a decent deal. I'm not mad. They didn't finish my car in the time they said so I get $5 off my next Sears purchase... even though I had no idea if my car was done on time because I didn't return for pickup for 4 hours.

I still love Sears!!

But seriously... watch your prices... and if you know something big is coming on sale... make sure you're not getting ripped off.

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK!!

HERE'S WHAT WE'LL DO... WE'LL PUT A PIN IN THAT AND STICK IT RIGHT HERE!!

Tuesday Tantrums

2008-11-25T13:27:00.003-06:00

I had to go grocery shopping again last night for the 24 hour notice I'd been given on potatoes
My daughter was still awake when I woke up to go to work.
We made 2 large bowls of potatoes at 7 AM
We ran out of butter in the middle of it
It was freezing cold so I had to wait for the car to warm up
When I reached the gas station I found out I had a flat tire
Returned home, finished potatoes, started 'other' car
Spent 30 or so minutes warming potatoes back up
Have done nothing else since... except founder on Thanksgiving Dinner :)

And more on the bright side...

I did not slave over a stove (though the microwave may have given me cancer!)
I did not wash dishes... I enlisted teenagers to do that chore
I did get plenty of food
I will take a plate home to Prince Charming who will also get plenty of food
I gave all my students study halls to play games and watch movies... because it's a holiday... the last day... and well... I'm just cool like that!!

HAVE A WONDERFUL... HAPPY... TURKEY-BLOATED-COMA-ENDUCING-YUMMY WEEKEND!!

Holiday Survey

2008-11-23T07:56:00.000-06:00

ooh... I love holidays... I'm not sure I can wait until Friday to put up the tree. I keep telling myself that I have a toddler in the house and it will just be better to wait and put it up as Traditional. The idea of yelling at the Ogre Child to not eat the tree is enough to delay the tree til Christmas Eve. She wouldn't mind... right?

So... just for J... I'll participate in the Holiday meme in the hopes that I can keep my rabid holiday spirit at bay for a few more days.

Wrapping paper or gift bags? Either... or say... trash bags... dish towels... and in an emergency... walmart bags!
Real tree or Fake? Fake... while I truely do appreciate the live Christmas trees I grew up decorating... I must say that they would not look nearly as pretty if I wrapped them in plastic wrap through the holidays. Scratching your head? Well, I'm a barefoot person... I'm also half-nudist and a floor-sitter... while you may believe nothing is as painful as a cedar needle in your foot, I assure you there are much more painful things.
When do you put up the tree? While I'd love nothing more than to pop that baby up the week before Halloween... I have this OCD affliction that insist one holiday must pass before you can begin decorating for the next. Therefore... my tree will go up on Friday... after the doorbuster sales have been tackled!
When do you take the tree down? January 2nd after I sober up!
Do you like eggnog? Never had it
Favorite Christmas dinner drink? The Queen's iced-tea... don't ask me why... but no one makes a glass of tea like her.
Hardest person to buy for? Hands down... Dad
Easiest person to buy for? Hands down... ME... oh wait... MOM!!
Do you have a nativity scene? Yes... I inheritted it from an evil Gorgon. I didn't burn it because I have great childhood memories attached to it. And though I'm not into that religious stuff... I still put it up every year.
Mail or email Christmas cards? Are you serious? Mail... well... at least I buy them... they don't always make it to the mailbox.
Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I don't look at Christmas that way... I take it back... I got a baby doll from DNA Provider's mother... when I was 14!! Needless to say, she fell victim to my Goth Fad a few years later... now I think she's pretty cool and I put her out at Halloween!!
Favorite Christmas Movie? A Christmas Carol... with Polar Express coming in pretty close
When do you start shopping for Christmas? December 26th... This is the first year that I'll still be shopping December 1st (unless I get super lucky Friday morning)
Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Not that I recall... but I have recycled Christmas wrapping paper.
Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Homemade noodles
Lights on the tree? tons... colored.
Favorite Christmas song? I Want a Hippopotomus for Christmas... I'm Gettin' Nuffin' For Christmas... and Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer!!
Travel at Christmas or stay home? It depends on the year and who we're having Christmas with. We have Christmas at our home either Christmas Day or the 26th.
Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph.... And Randolph the Roo-Tootin' Reindeer!!
Angel on the tree top or a star? A star or a bow!
Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Some Christmas Eve... Other's Christmas Day... some on various other days depending on how many Christmas's we have to attend.
Most annoying thing about this time of the year? The bell ringers... no... worse than that is greedy, unappreciative children.
Favorite ornament theme or color? Red... but all our 'family ornaments' get placed in with the theme regardless of whether they fit.
Favorite for Christmas dinner? Goose... but I'll settle for ham.
What do you want for Christmas this year? Everyone else to be happy with their gifts. I don't want for much... though TV, Computer, DVR Recorder, and Sewing Machine are all on my 'down the road' list.
Favorite thing about Christmas? My parent's visiting
Favorite gift received as a child? so many great gifts... a puppy... rice candy from Hawaii every year... chaps & spurs... my senior ring... my charm bracelets... a million other things that my Mom got me even when we didn't have much.
Favorite Christmas decoration in your house? The Christmas ornaments from my childhood.
Best store to shop for Christmas gifts? Even though I'm a WalMart girl... last year I got some of the best deals on sale at K-Mart... which is a real shocker considering their usually way more expensive than other places. But I got oversized throws for $5, a King Size comforter for $10, wine glasses BOGO, and $10 off a Wii game.
Black Friday shopping...yes or no? Definately... Nothing is more fun than standing in line outside a store in the freezing cold at the butt-ass-crack-of-dawn

Saturday Suggestion (Part 3)

2008-11-22T18:51:00.002-06:00

Ok... here's you assignments for this week:

Chris - hmmm... this one's hard this week. I think she should write a post about what it's like to have a cyber family (sister, niece, etc.)... lol... is it cool? creepy? normal compared to her real life family? I'm curious... I've considered adopting cyber family members. I'm also considering the possiblility that the DNA Provider may have spawned cyber-children. Now there's a thought for you... anyway... I'm waiting for Chris's response on this before I confess to my cyber-friends that I think they may have been the result of Cyber-Conception!!
F*W - dang... bloggies are making it hard on me. Since she's confessed her love for "The Last Unicorn" which just so happens to have been one of my favorites as well. I think I'll call on her for a great childhood memory. Funny, sweet, exciting... doesn't matter. Just take a moment to step back in time. What were all your favorites? What's changed most? Whatever suits your fancy!
J... - ooh... Holiday blogging already? Okay... I'm game (frothing at the mouth for Christmas decorating, but restraining myself for tradition reasons). But I'll endulge in the spirit and ask... Do you have any unusual traditions at the holidays? If so tell us about them... but keep in mind if it's a super cool idea we've never thought of we just might steal it for our own family!! And just in case that doesn't work for you I'll give you an alternate... Christmas Tree Mishaps. Seriously... anyone who hunts for live trees has to have had one of those "uh oh" moments.
Kelly Dawn - After reading her kids-say-the-darndest-things post, I think she could give us all some advice on how to deal with evil mother-in-laws. Okay... maybe evil is too strong a word... just let us know how you kept from biting your tongue off.
Baseball Mom - Since she has a busy week ahead of her and is trying to get some gifts made... I'll make it easy. Tell about your best Thanksgiving or Christmas memory ever. What makes it special?... You know everyone loves a good heart-felt holiday tale this time of year!!

Alternative: If you're totally feeling like copping out on your assignment, you can do this one instead (it was hard coming up with them this week).

Very simply (or elaborate as much as you like)... what will you be 'Giving Thanks' for this holiday season? Whether your list is 1... or 100... it is that time of year.

You know... the one where we all remember that we were supposed to be thankful all year long. Then we overcompensate on gift giving according to how guilty we feel about those we neglected. And then we make a resolution vowing to be better people the next year. Follow that with material items to prove we love people even though we forgot to be thankful for them. Finish the whole mess up by getting so depressed that we pretend we're Irish and just get DRUNK!! Hopefully we sober up in time to hide those Easter Eggs... lol... wait... that may just be how people in my family do it... Hopefully yours isn't as messed up as mine!

Happy Blogging!! Have a Great Holiday!!!

Saturday Suggestions (Part 2)

2008-11-22T18:21:00.002-06:00

Okay... Here's the list of completed assignments for the week:

Chris wrote her "How To Spoil Your Grandson" and promised to do wonderful loving grandma things with him. It was late, but well worth the wait!!
Farmer*s Wife totally made me drool with recipes like Bacon Bread and Another Bacon Treat. I think I gained 15 pounds looking at these delicious morsels. Will definately be trying them out.
J... gave us the Postal Update on her Girl Scouts soldier project and I hope that deal works out wonderfully. It's such a great idea. I'm still looking for the perfect "badge" to award her on that one.
Kelly Dawn, as I said earlier this week, made me totally drool over her Garage Sale Steals. I've decided I don't hate the cold or the snow in winter, I hate the lack of garage sales!!
Baseball Mom fill us in on "Cooking With Catcher Dude" and reminded us that our kids really do listen to every word we say... even if we think they don't.
I have no doubt tt put in her quality family time since she became a Great Grammy this week!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!

A+ to all of you for participating... YOU ROCK MY SOCKS!!

(The rest of you are bums! *wink grin*)

Speaking of bum... the remodel... yeah... haven't finished awards. I'll be sure to get right on that after I figure out what I want you all to do this week.

Keep it real!!

Saturday Suggestions

2008-11-22T18:07:00.004-06:00

Ooh... I'm so bad. I haven't done them yet!!

But in my defense, I did make a new "Castle Window" for F*W. (p.s. you were never off the blog roll you just got bumped down by zealous bloggers) ---> You'll notice in her picture "The Last Unicorn"... some cotton... and the classic glass of wine!!

Oh yes... she's spoiled!!

here's a copy for her... so it matches her background!!
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So yeah... I've been real busy with the remodel... trying to get all my weekdays up and working.

I think there's a swimming pool in my daughter's pants that needs to be taken care of. After that, hopefully I'll be able to catch up on my bloggies and set up the suggestions. Stay tuned for your projects..... (this message will self destruct in 10 seconds)

RUN!!!

New Layout

2008-11-20T18:03:00.001-06:00

See... I do listen to my readers. You see... I'm a big enough headache already... I don't want anyone getting a headache from looking at crazy bright pinks.

So three color schemes later, I came up with a background color that's a little easier on the eyes and still looks nice (at least to me)

I'm still not certain about the overall color scheme. I haven't had time to let the text colors sink in. So if you have a suggestion, feel free to let me know. Meanwhile, I'm going to go find some supper and sit back to enjoy some television for a couple of hours.

HAPPY THURSDAY!!
(promise... I'll get on the reading blogs things soon, I've just been busy!)

I'm thinking of Remodeling

2008-11-17T22:46:00.002-06:00

I know... I know... again? Yes!!

So I want to know what you think of my new layout idea.

I know it's blurry. Such is my luck. But I think you can get the general idea. Let me know what you think?

Saturday Suggestions UPDATE!!

2008-11-16T13:19:00.002-06:00

Seems like the bloggies are on a roll! Here's the Saturday Suggestions that have been handed in already!!

Kelly Dawn told us about her Garage Sale Deals. And even without pics I'm sooooo jealous! "Hi. My name is Princess and I'm a bargain junkie!!"
J... has updated us on her Girl Scout's Care Packages by giving us the 4-1-1 on their field trip! That is so fabulous! I think she deserves a Girl Scout badge of some sort, I'll have to do some looking around.
F*W gave a Faboulous Bread Recipe with 5 easy ingrediants. That so qualifies as Princess-Can-Cook-It material!! It looks delicious!!

For those of you who haven't completed your Saturday Suggestions, you have until the end of the week!! Keep up the awesome blogging!!

So F*W doesn't cry

2008-11-15T13:05:00.002-06:00

She ~~throws a tantrum,~~ ~~screams and cries,~~ ~~tells my Mom,~~ hates it when I don't play along.
So here goes nothing.

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Of course, I was named after my cousin and a friend of my Mom's. If I had been a boy they'd have named me Reuben Thomas. Thank goodness for XX Chromosomes!!
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? The magic hankie says it was probably when they put the horses down, but it lies sometimes.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sometimes. If I'm trying to be neat and Princessy it isn't bad, but then I see someone with beautiful handwriting and I think mine stinks. Othertimes, I have no doubt the child got her Ogrism from me and it is evident in my handwriting!
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Salami with Roast Beef coming in a close second!
DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Have you not been paying attention? The gorgeously deceptive Ogre Child... and her father Prince Charming. That's plenty for now... though I think the Queen expects to get a whole litter out of me!!
IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Absolutely not. Seriously, I'm an odd duck. I eat black olives and creamy Italian dressing. I dip French Fries in chocolate Frostie. I put peanut butter on (you may gag here) dill pickles! I color coordinate my crayons. I insist t-shirts and hand towels be folded in thirds. And I ramble on abotu the stupidest things you can imagine! I would take one look at me, say "FREAK!" and run screaming in the other direction! I won't be offended if you do the same!
DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Never... it's against my religion to be sarcastic. My psychic keeps telling me that if I use sarcasm I'm bound to be tied up by my pinkie toes and tickled with an ostrich feather in the afterlife. Since I always listen to her advice, I make a point of never being sarcastic!!
DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes... and my adnoids, appendix, gall bladder, and most of my brain. I've considered the organ-donation weight loss program though! do you know how much a kidney weighs?
WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes... but only if you blindfold me until I get to the top and have the rope already hooked up. At that point it's just a simple procedure of telling me there is a chocolate bar at the bottom while you point a gun at me. That would definately get me to Bungee Jump... no chocolate? Just shoot me!!
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Toss up between hot oatmeal and Life (probably because I need to get one!)
DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? You really need to call a psychic. All psychics will tell you that shoelaces are from the devil. I only own one pair of shoes with laces (okay, I own two but don't tell Lady Willow because she doesn't know... wait... she's Psychic!!... CRAP!!) Anyway... I try to avoid wearing those shoes with the dreaded laces... but when I do wear them, I attempt to remove them without untying them. Who wants to grab wet, mushy, muddy laces anyway?
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Stronger than many, weaker than some. Physically though, it's a good thing I was granted a strong temper and a big mouth because I'm a twig compared to some of the people who might consider "taking me". Big mouths are deceptive though... or maybe it's the loud voice that indicates if I scream they will hear it for 15 blocks.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Half Baked... no, I'm not a pot-head. I just love the idea of ice cream, chocolate brownie chunks and cookie dough all wrapped up into a tasty hip-bulging treat!! Raspberry sherbert takes a close second, but it's not ice cream!
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Physical appearances don't matter much. I go straight for that sense of humor. Because if you're going to get along with me for more than 15 minutes, you'll definately need one!
RED OR PINK? Totally into the RED thing. I have a cute red dress, a red pair of jeans, my living room is red, the last piece of art I made was mostly red. Yep... despite my love for pink blogs and princessy things... in real life, I'm all about the red!!
WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I'm going with F*W on this... I tend to be impatient and I have a flaming temper. And once I'm worked up... I'm a total B****! It's not pretty!
WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST. Why Mom & Dad of course. I like having them around. Of course there is time limit and we definately need a buffer zone between our homes, but I don't think we need a 6 hour buffer zone. I'd be happy with about an hour... maybe 30 minutes... just far enough to have to call before they stop by! LOL
DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Everyone? Heck no... like I want a flood I can't handle!
WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Flesh... that's a color right? Okay... you got it... no shoes... barefoot in pajamas. What did you expect? It's Saturday!!
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Oatmeal... sounded good for supper last night and yes it was... but now I'm out and it's sad!!
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW ? Steel Magnolias on the television and Ogre Babbles in the livingroom.
IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Red... definately red!!
FAVORITE SMELLS ? Rain, Clean Linens (line dried preferably), and Alfalfa
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? The Boss... that's a miracle because the answer is usually the Queen, but the Boss called last night to ask about a website. Just a fluke!
DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Well of course... why else would I be sitting here on question 25 right now? It's all to make her smile. And entertain myself in a moment of boredom. But mostly to make her smile.
FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? I once saw a very exciting game of Soccer. Sorry, not a sprots buff. Seeing a NASCAR race in RL is pretty neat (especially when the whole crowd flips a driver off when his name is announced!) - Thanks Queen!
HAIR COLOR? I still have some. It's brown. But I it's been every color of the rainbow except green (it's even been green if you count the St. Patrick's Day evening I smeared glow in the dark goop from a bar button all over my head!... Note to self... it takes 5 times of washing your hair to get that smell out of it!!)
EYE COLOR? Sperm-donor Blue. Go ahead... laugh! But I'd say it's a pretty fascinating feat considering blue eyes are a recessive trait and all six of us have different mothers and yet all got the exact same color of blue eyes!
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Glasses or contacts. A product of blind-as-a-bat-itis. If you're curious as to how blind... I can't read the E on the eye chart! And even with the most expensive poly-thinning on my lenses... they're still bulletproof! Be jealous!
FAVORITE FOOD ? Anything Italian... or Mexican... or Greek... mmmmmmm Greek... I think a trip to Sioux City is in order (Horizon's Family Restaurant used to have a fabulous Greek dish that I could totally founder on).
SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Ooh... I'm the hard core Scary girl, but when it comes to the all time faves, I'm still a sucker for a sappy, make-you-bawl, chick flick. The Notebook... The Lakehouse... Steel Magnolias (remember... it's on TV right now... TNT if you're curious!)
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED ? All the way through? No clue... did I mention Steel Magnolias is on right now? And later tonight I'll be watching a couple of scary movies a student loaned me (The Cave, and The Descent)
WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING. Cream... with a sexy picture of Marilyn Monroe on it. And Marilyn written acrossed it in pale pink. It's very sexy, chic, vintage. And the tight fit means I can't wear it outside without clearly indicating the chilly temperature!
SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer... until it gets here and the 104 degree temps have driven me inside to sweat away 15 pounds. Then I'll be begging for winter. I'd really just prefer it if someone would put a thermostat on the weather. Then I could turn it down enough to get snow for Christmas... turn it up enough to get a slight tan in the Summer... and stay perfectly comfortable the rest of the year. While you're at it, you need to install a programable timer for the sprinkler system because I really hate that it only rains on days when I need to fill up the gas tank! Whatever happened to full service gas stations because I'm telling you, there are days I'd pay extra for someone else to stand out in this cold, wet, windy crap!
HUGS OR KISSES? I'm all about Hugs... Ogre Child kisses... as cute as they are... are often sloppy, sticky, or otherwise gag-me-gross!
FAVORITE DESSERT ? Sherbert. I'm dying to treat myself to a little Champagne and Sherbert. Other than that, I like Banana Splits, a good cheesecake, and Half-Baked Ice cream!
MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? If I'd have known you were going to ask me this, I'd have called my psychic first. Geeze! What do you think I pay her for?
LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND. See above. F*W because she already did it!
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW ? Currently, I'm typing... but my current reading list includes: The Art of Happiness (living room reading); The Traveler's Gift (for my English class); Thank You For All Things (Bathtub reading); You Don't Know Me (reading at work); A Dean Koontz book I borrowed (bedside reading). And before you ask... no, I have no trouble keeping the stories seperate, but it does take much longer to finish a book when you only read it in one setting.
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? My cable/internet company. It's the only service they do give us for free.
WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT. Let me refer to the Neilson's Rating survey... Looks like we watched some family comedies in the afternoon... Weeds... House... more House... and The Science Channel. Gee... we're exciting!
FAVORITE SOUND. Ogre Child's endless vocab of new words. The newest is "baa-gle" and "goo-grrl". Don't speak Ogre? No problem. Last night she accidentally broke a plastic ruler. She sat on the chair holding the pieces saying "baa-gle, baa-gle, baa-gle, baa-gle, baa-gle, baa-gle." When I stopped laughing enough that I could breathe, I said... "it's okay honey... it was an accident." To which she smiled and said "goo-grrl, goo-grrl, goo-grrl, goo-grrl, goo-grrl!" while wiggling in the chair!! *peed*
ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Neither... thank you very much! *vomits*
WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME??? Michigan! Followed by Utah!
DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Art, music, various other creative skills that you definately don't want to hear about!! LOL... just kidding, we don't do anything that creative... we have a toddler!!
WHERE WERE YOU BORN? A tiny hospital in a little village just south of a big hill from which you can see the edge of nowhere. And I'm not joking in the slightest!
WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Why everyone of course... because I need to collect more information so I can decide who I'm going to cyberstalk!! Hey... everyone else is doing it... I want to stalk someone too!!

Here Is My Protest

2008-11-15T12:18:00.003-06:00

WARNING: THIS POST MAY OFFEND and I don't care!!
Brought to my attention by Pink Asparagus - Thank you!!

I'm not the stand-out-in-the-cold-and-burn-my-bra type. However, I must say this:

CALIFORNIA'S PROP 8 IS A RIDICULOUS BACKWOODS HOMOPHOBIC HILLBILLY LAW

First and foremost let me say that I am NOT a HOMOSEXUAL, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENDER, SWINGER, or otherwise sexually curious individual!! I NEVER HAVE BEEN!! And to my knowledge I do not know anyone in my life who is!!

HOWEVER, I am also NOT a SIMPLE-MINDED, BUCK-TOOTHED, LIVING IN THE STONE AGE, BIGOT!!

I just don't get the point in being homophobic!

I do not believe that allowing same sex marriage somehow endangers the sanctity of traditional marriage. I personally believe that the "sanctity" of traditional marriage seems to do a fine job of falling apart without any outside help. And I've never met a divorcee who said, "If it weren't for gay people my marriage would have lasted!" Marriage fails because of lack of proper communication and personal differences. Unless you've got some scientific evidence that proves homosexuals cannot communicate properly, don't try to tell me their marriages would be less successful!
If you don't approve of gay marriage/civil union there is a very simple cure. DON'T DO IT! I don't approve of eating dogs... I DON'T DO IT!
Dear Government, laws like this should never even make it to the polls. If you honor the concept of CHURCH vs. STATE and take the religious opinions out of the arguement, there is no scientific or moral conflict involved here. To say that this is socially immoral (as opposed to religiously immoral) is obsurd. If we are going to vote on any discriminatory policy suggested in this country, I know some people who wouldn't mind seeing SLAVERY put back up for a vote (and I believe in some backwoods areas of this country it would pass). I know some men who wouldn't mind seeing women's right to vote reconsidered. If religious preferences are going to control this country, I'd like to see the churches paying their fair share of taxes. That'd definately help out iwth the nations financial crisis!!

For those of you out there who believe that this type of thing is unacceptable, let me pull out the history books:

In England in the 13th century it was unlawful for a woman to marry before the age of 24.
In the past there have been various laws against marrying people from different sects (financial, racial, tribal, religious, etc.)
Until Loving vs. Virginia in 1967, interracial marriages were illegal in the U.S.
Polygomy was once legal in the U.S.
In Ancient Rome (one of the most successful realms of the past) homosexuality was accepted.

So if you insist on desciminating against other's relationships by revoking freedoms that have been granted, please consider whether you or anyone you love has done the following:

married before the age of 24
married someone of another religion
married someone of another race
married someone from another financial status
Then check your family tree and make sure that no one of "royal" heritage has married someone of "non-royal" heritage.

Considering that all of these things were once frowned upon (or downright illegal), if any are true for you or your family, you really ought to put your personal opinions aside and think very carefully on how much you want the government to control who you are allowed to love!!

GET OVER IT!!

Everyone has a right to have their LOVE for another person ACKNOWLEDGED!!

Suggestion Saturday

2008-11-15T11:28:00.003-06:00

Last week's Suggestions Saturday was somewhat of a hit. In other words, those of you who did it ~~completed your assignments while complaining less than my students do~~ seemed to enjoy it.

So let's send out the bloggie report cards (sorry, you don't get the benefit of confidentiality).

Chris - was excused and get's an extension on her assignment due to family circumstances. Please send her love and prayers.
F*W - A+ for completing her Gremlin assignment with minimal complaints
J... - A+ and BONUS points for completing both her own assignment, but also completing the happiness assignment.
Kelly Dawn - B because while she did not complete the Happiness Lesson, she did do Thankful Thursday which is along the same lines and deserves to be mentioned.
T.T. - A+ for completing the Happiness Lesson.
Baseball Mom - A+ for completing the Happiness Lesson.
The Queen - A for completing the Happiness Lesson (in an incomplete form).
kcinnova - F*W - The Queen & T.T. All get BONUS points for sending good wishes to Tink who just got married!!
Fairy Flutters & Prohomaker - both have D- for failure to complete their assignments!! Goofy fools probably broke into F*W's wine cellar and drank 'til they forgot!! But being the generous person I am, I'll give them another chance to sober up before I totally fail them :)

Now for this weeks assignments:

Chris - Fairy Flutters & Prohomaker are to complete last week's assignment.
F*W - Since she whined, complained, wimpered, b!#@&ed, suggested that she was great with the recipes, I think she needs to give me something really tasty. Of course it's not that easy because I'm kitchen-challenged. Therefor, it must have minimal ingrediants and require minimal time. I'm all about things like Easy Peasy Meatloaf. Remember, I barely know what that box with the burny things is for... so keep it simple!
J... - Is doing a wonderful thing with her kiddo's. So I want to hear how the Care Package Project is coming along!!
Kelly Dawn - is off to hit the bargain yard sales. I'm a total sale junky so I want to hear about any deals she stumbled on today or her best finds yard saling in the past. Bonus for pictures that make us jealous!!
T.T. is on "vacation" so I'm giving her a really easy assignment that doesn't require blogging. Her job is to spend some quality time with Lovee and leave a comment.
The Queen has been busy busy. Do to extinuating circumstances, she is absent from class and is excused from assignments until further notice.
Baseball Mom is new and I don't know her very well, so I'll let her have her pick. She can either tell us what fun things she has done with the young 'ens or a humorous story about trying to deal with medical conditions or doctors.
Everyone else can post a funny story or joke. WARNING: Participation will mean you are included in next weeks assignment!!

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That being said, I feel a need to complete some assignments from my own bloggies. So stay tuned for those!

Once Again!!

2008-11-14T12:37:00.000-06:00

I know, how can I possible not blog for 2 whole days? Well... I do have a blog for today, but I also have an eye appointment. The pending thoughts will definately depend on how long my appointment takes and what kind of mood I'm in afterwards.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!

You know the deal. If not... click the picture for the original post.

For Mom

2008-11-12T12:14:00.000-06:00

(and anyone else who needs it)

Those are definately words to live by!!

Handing Out Some Early Awards!! UPDATED FOR TT

2008-11-12T09:43:00.000-06:00

Why wait all week right? I mean... what if something comes up? What if you totally forget you deserve an award? Have no fear, here are the early awards for those who have finished their Saturday Suggestions!!

For Farmer*s Wife's wonderful skills at cleaning up after those nasty gremlins!!

For J...'s wonderful Snow Day Activities (which also involved staying warm)

And for anyone who has completed the Happiness Lesson!!

Instructions:

Right click image and save to computer.
Go to Layout in blogger and add element.
You're adding a picture so click that.
Use the browse option to find the picture you saved in step 1.
After the picture loads, SAVE!!
Then you can use the layout area to move it where you want it on your blog.

Tadaaa... you did it!

Let me know if you need more help than that & I'll see what I can do.

Thanks

2008-11-11T22:18:00.005-06:00

A BIG THANK YOU to kcinova for a wonderful award.

Glad I could help brighten your day!!

So what did I do on my day off?

Slept 'til noon!!
Made blog awards.
Sorted and packed up all laundry.
Prince Charming loaded car to the hilt.
Ate at Chili's
Picked up laundry soap at Walgreen's
Spend 2.5 hours in a laundry mat.
8 loads of laundry later, I found out I forgot to wash a load (tohellwithit!)
Reload the car
Grab pizza (yes, bi-polar appetites)
Pre-purchase tickets to see Twilight on the 21st!!
Grab some things from Target
Finally home 5 hours later
Log on to see I got a blog award (WOOHOO! Almost makes up for that forgotten load of laundry!)

Now I'm going to kick back and relax!!

Have a wonderful evening!!

On a side note: My 8 loads of laundry would have been about 12 loads at our facility washers. They would have cost me $20 and 9 hours of time. Plus the exhaustion of walking a block each waytwice per load. Doing them in town cost me $17 plus gas and only 2.5 hours!! WOOHOO!!

Suggestion Saturday!!

2008-11-10T16:44:00.003-06:00

You know what... it's hard coming up with something to post about sometimes. So I thought I'd spice up things with a little contest. I'll go through my blogroll and make a suggestion for some of you to post about! Anyone who posts about their suggested topic in the next week will get an award!!

Chris - Since darling Aunt Chris will soon be a Grandma (and it's finally sinking in) I think she should post a "How To Spoil Your Grandson" post.
F*W is having Gremlin problems. So... since I have no doubt she's a miracle worker when it comes to the Susy Homemaker crap... I want a "How To Wrangle the Gremlins Without Breaking a Sweat" post.
Fairy Flutters is home alone while the MAN is out bringing home the bacon... I should say venison. And since we might be getting ourselves some tasty Bambi this year, I'm requestion "Venison Recipes" from FF. (No need to get fancy, I'm Kitchen-Challenged Dear!!)
J... darling is snowed in and her plans have all gone to the dogs. So, with winter creeping up on all of us, I think she should be the first to provide us with a few "Snowy Day Activities" to entertain us and get us through the Winter Blues.
Prohomaker - I actually know what I want from this one and it's solely based on personal selfishness! I've been trying to put together a chore schedule. One that amounts to a few daily chores and rotating some major household chores. Busy Mom's cannot come home and spend the entire evening cleaning. So please!! Enlighten us!!
And not to leave anyone out. Kelly Dawn, The Queen, and some others (T.T.) are just having some general stress in their lives. So I'm going to pull out the old "Happiness Lessons" from my English class. You assignment is to list the following: a) 5 Things I'm Grateful I'm NOT... b) 5 Things I'm Thankful I Am... c) 5 Things I Will Do To Make Someone Else Happy This Week... and most importantly d) 5 Things I Will Do To Make ME Happy This Week!! (FYI: When I do this exercise with students it's almost an instant mood booster and we all need a little "pick me up" from time to time.)
And for all of you who didn't get named in person, try the Happiness Lesson because it's worth it!!

Let me know if and when you complete your assignment and I'll link this post to your completed project!! (Plus I'll bump the post so everyone knows you did it!!) Awards will be posted at the end of the week.

HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!!!!!

And on a side note, there is a blogger who cannot accept an assignment at this time... Why?

BECAUSE SHE'S GETTING MARRIED TODAY!!!

So you all need to go give the lovely Bride a bunch of hugs and love!!

CONGRATULATIONS TINK!!!

Monday Memories

2008-11-10T14:56:00.003-06:00

Reading Mr. Lady's story about finding her brother, kinda got me thinking this morning...

For those of you that don't know, I come from a complicated family. Okay, let me rephrase that. There is NOTHING complicated (fucked up? yes, but complicated? no) about my family. THERE is, however, A LOT of things complicated (and very fucked up) when it comes to my paternal DNA provider!!

Let me give you a quick tangled web of my siblings (try to stay with me):

DNA married Wife1 had BigSis. Wife1 leaves DNA takes kid moves to Hawaii.
DNA married Wife2 but no kids.
Instead he gets UnWifeA knocked up with BigBro and since she hates DNA she marries another and BigBro never knows his real family.
DNA meets Mom Queen! They have ME!! UhOh... better divorce Wife2! so Mom Queen makes Wife3 but that was dumb and she figures it out.
Unfortunately, she doesn't figure it out until she meets UnWifeB. UnWifeB is young and used to babysit me, but when Mom Queen goes to see UnWifeB's new baby and WOWZERS!! That's one of DNA's Kids!! Yeah!!
So Mom Queen leaves DNA and he goes on to marry Wife4. Wife4 gives him BabySis and lets him adopt her son. But Wife4 doesn't know his little secret and finally ends up divorcing him years later.
After DNA spends many years ~~milking the government for every dime~~ repaying his debt to society, he marries Wife5 and has BabyBrother.

That's the Reader's Digest version. Hope you kept up!

Not the point though... the point is, I got to thinking about this whole disconnected family thing. Truth is, I don't speak to DNA and I will not be speaking to him for as long as he lives. So what does that mean? Well, here's where that "thinking" comes into mind. You see, I was 25 when BabyBrother was born!! That's right!! Twenty-FRIGGING-Five!!! Better than that, BigSis was Thirty-THREE!! The real kicker? I'll be 43 when my baby brother turns 18!! WTF!!! BigSis will be over 50!!! Holy FUCK!! This is just INSANE!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah... be jealous... my family is more messed up than theres!

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And, browsing the bloggies... I must commend Kelly Dawn for this one. I'm not usually the quizzy type, but who can resist being compared to the classic beauties?

And the verdict came back...

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz..

You Are a Marilyn!

You are a Marilyn -- "I am affectionate and skeptical."

Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

Be direct and clear
Listen to me carefully
Don't judge me for my anxiety
Work things through with me
Reassure me that everything is OK between us
Laugh and make jokes with me
Gently push me toward new experiences
Try not to overreact to my overreacting.
(OMG I think they nailed me!)

What I Like About Being a Marilyn

being committed and faithful to family and friends
being responsible and hardworking
being compassionate toward others
having intellect and wit
being a nonconformist
confronting danger bravely
being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Marilyn

the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations (Add in the perfectionism of a Capricorn and what-a-mess!)

Marilyns as Children Often

are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Marilyns as Parents

are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
worry more than most that their children will get hurt
sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

FYI... this was creepy!!

What a day!!

2008-11-07T16:56:00.003-06:00

I swear I spent the entire course of the last couple days trying to keep teenagers attitudes in check. I've given the "Make Positive Choices Speech" so many times this week that I'm probably quoting myself in my sleep!

That speech of course is often followed by the "Don't Let Other's Poor Choices Influence Your Positive Choices Speech". Another one that I'm probably mumbling about in the wee hours of darkness.

Without going into detail, it's definately been INTERESTING! (And it's not just the teenagers acting up!)

So in an attempt to appreciate the important things (and forget the HYPOCRACY of certain individuals) I'm going to copy Jill...

Things that will never get old:

A wonderfully affectionate hug from Prince Charming after a long day of work.
Waking up early enough to brew a cup of coffee that I don't have to share with anyone.
A good night's sleep.
And the classic... "Ogre Child's Smile"

Things that I will never get used to:

People who insist on blaming everyone else for every little wrong in their lives.
Children who do not understand the value of an education.
People who insist on being overly judgemental of others.
Religious fanatics who think politics should bow to their whim.
The fact that our government still allows religious arguements to weigh on our legislature.

Things I could really do without:

Laundry that keep piling up.
People's SHITTY attitudes.
Cold, windy weather!

Things I just don't understand:

How my child can eat an entire plate of food until she is completely stuffed and then beg for what Mom or Dad are eating.
How one child can make such a big mess (I swear that we either had twins or Newton needs to reassess the laws of Physics.)
Why being macho takes priority over doing the right thing.
Why I let the littles things get to me.

POETS Society

2008-11-07T09:24:00.000-06:00

You know the deal. If not... click the picture for the original post.

Thought this was hilarious!

2008-11-06T22:36:00.000-06:00

And very appropriate!!

Forgot I saved this for WTF Wednesday!

2008-11-05T18:40:00.003-06:00

While following the election I couldn't help but laugh at this. This screenshot of the election map on FoxNews was taken just as they were declaring South Carolina for McCain. For the haters out there I'd like to point out that CNN's map show the same thing. My logical explaination is that the state was declared faster than they could update the percentages because a minute later, it was correct. But I thought it was funny! Makes it easy to understand why everyone is so confused when it comes to counting votes!!

WTF Wednesday... it is Wednesday right?

2008-11-05T16:22:00.002-06:00

Well... I swear... it's been one of those days.

I spent the whole day having a battle of wits with a keyboard... somewhere in the middle of this battle, the printer decided to gets it's digs in. When it was all said and done, it turns out I was right, it was just a matter of finding the right setting to click.

(FYI Readers: Don't get your panties in a ruffle thinking that's some metaphore for something else... I really was fighting with my keyboard and the printer wouldn't print the document background and for the life of me I couldn't find the spot to make it print right. Turns out I had to go through like 3 option window to find a setting that was making it print DATA only... and it really did take almost all day because of various interuptions!)

But the truth is I did get my utility bills copied and filed into a practicle and managable system. Of course, I'm sure the boss would have preferred I spent the time organizing our office files, I'm on a personal organization kick.

Anyway...

WTF is up with testing the smoke alarm in my ear? (Thanks Prince Charming!)

WTF is up with someone drinking all my wine? (Not really, but I thought it'd be fun to blame FW for something she didn't do)

WTF is up with parents who don't make their kids go to school? (I seriously had no classes today because half the kids were on a field trip and the other half were absent)

WTF is up with my daughter dumping all her toys out 15 minutes after they are picked up.

I think that will suffice... I have some real good WTF's but others seem to get all bent out of shape when I talk about them in public. I guess I don't get it because I don't focus too much on what anonymous internet browsers think of me. All I care is that the bloggies love me. And you SOOOOOO know you do!!!

I'm Not Ignoring You

2008-11-05T08:36:00.002-06:00

I know... I know... I'm a horrible bloggie friend. I don't visit, I don't comment.

Well, in my defense, I have been commenting on a few. But you early morning bloggers have kinda been left out of the loop because my schedule is interfering with that.

But I just wanted to remind you all that I do see you there, and I try to jump over to read, and I promise I'll pick up on the comments. You have not been forgotten!!

HUG WEDNESDAY HUGS TO ALL MY BLOGGIE FRIENDS!!!

One More Fairy Tale (resigned)

Visit the New Site

If You Are Reading This...

VOTE on new design!!

I haven't forgotten you

Gimme a Break!!

In case you thought I was lying!!

I ♥ Faces -- Week 17:Hats

May Day! May Day!

An Important Announcement

It's about time for another one?

A Day at the Circus!

Have I done this one before?

Self Portrait #2 (An Afterthought)

I ♥ Faces -- Week 15:Self Portrait

Flash is AWESOME!!

For the Queen

Happy After Easter!!

Easter Tradition

Back By Popular Demand

Heheh... I saw it and you have to wait!!

Redo?

Love From Paris!!

Nothing much to say!

I won an Award!!

Artful Inspiration

Who Am I? (Creative Writing)

Housekeeping (Day 1 of 3)

Mutany is Afoot!!

Shipping and Handling Charges May Apply!

Layout

Why are you crying?

Granny Nanny

Celtic Buffy2

Intellectual Conversation

I Heart Paint.net

CelticBuffy

Toews Tails

Got tagged

All Politicians Lie

Why You Shouldn't Post Your Photo Online!! *evil laughter*

For Grandma

A Present for FW

My Way Day (Feb 17th)

Princess Designs

Green Olives & Pickle Juice

Susan B. Anthony Day (Feb 15th)

Sunday Secret

Happy V-day from the palace!

Friday the Thirteenth Fuckoff!!

Who does she think she is?

More Giveaways!

Fabulous Giveaways!!

GET THE PARTY STARTED!!

Dear Kansas (and the rest of America)

Snow Sculpting Week (February 4th - 8th)

Okay... try this one on for size

Hello Three AM

Spunky Old Broads Day (February 1st)

Inspire Your Heart with Art Day (January 31st)

Have I told you all you are AWESOME?

How much will we sacrifice?

Tuesday Tantrums

J... is a bad influence on me

National Cowboy Poetry Gathering Day (January 25th)

National Compliment Day (January 24th)

No Name Calling Week (January 21st - 25th)

National Hugging Day (January 21st)

Inauguration Day and Hairtastrophies

Martin Luther King Jr.

Have I told you all I'm busy?

The Best Part of Holiday Shopping

I've been kidnapped!!

Pssst... I was NAUGHTY!

OMG!! I've been MIA!!

Tuesday Tantrums

Holiday Survey

Saturday Suggestion (Part 3)

Saturday Suggestions (Part 2)

Saturday Suggestions

Why You Shouldn't Post Your Photo Online!! evil laughter